To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, It's Your Decision

This article is in response to To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move.

Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people pretend it is. Your stuffy great-great-aunt Helda probably had premarital sex in her boyfriend's Model T, and before her, the prudish Victorians who thought baring an ankle was promiscuous also had premarital sex (probs in a carriage or something). This continues back thousands of years as proven by scripture. It's almost like lust and fornication are ... natural and human.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They show a six minute video of Johnny pressuring Jessica into having sex by nudging her with his stuffed shark while they sit awkwardly on his bed, and the camera pans away just before the deed is done (does everyone watch this in middle school? If it was just me, I'd maybe put some faith back into our sex ed). Once Johnny and Jessica frick frack, Johnny has no interest in Jessica. This is what happens when you have premarital sex. The adolescent boy uses you to satisfy his raging hormones, then breaks your heart. Next, on the sex ed slideshow, we will be learning about all of the horrific and life-threatening diseases you could contract by touching the opposite sex, and the way to prevent these is, well, not to touch. Anyway, suffice it to say American school administered sex ed using fear tactics to promote abstinence as a result of deep-rooted religious institutions is not the strongest argument against having sex before marriage.

You youngin's of the middle and high school type can't understand what it means to become permanently (???) connected to someone because of a quick, physical act. Just the connection of a kiss is intimate and complex, let alone actual coupling.

You never forget your first love (I know that was an abrupt transition, but bear with me). This is cliche, but true. And you never forget your first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment … well, I guess I can't describe that moment in that way as a blanket statement for all losses of virginity. Not all experiences are this way -- some are (and I've heard all these from different people) beautiful, surreal, funny, painful, pretty good, magical, and more. No matter what, it will be memorable (unless you were heavily intoxicated I suppose). If your first love is also your first frick frack, oh boy. Better stay away from boys with stuffed sharks just to be safe.

Everything you hear about sex is not true, but the general idea of sex being amazing and fantastic can be true. There's a reason people have written poetry about it for hundreds of years, and you hear a song referencing it every time you turn on Spotify radio. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Actually, disregard that last statement, because the embedded link does not support this and in fact proves that the relationship between mental illness and higher amount of sexual partners is correlational and that I don't do my research. Maybe I should stick to using the Bible as my source. Also, you do not lose anything just by sleeping with someone (and virginity is a social construct, but that's for another day). You are sharing something personal with them, but their genitals will not suck a piece of soul from you upon contact like a dementor. You might feel regret, or you might feel that in sharing this your relationship with yourself and your partner (even if it ends eventually) became stronger and more meaningful. Not everyone will feel like they lost their dignity, or regret their decision. When you break up with a sexual partner, whether in a serious or casual relationship, they won't walk off with a piece of you. You might feel hurt, you might have regrets, but you will not be any less of a person.

So if you hook up with five, ten, fifteen, twenty or more people, you will not lose five, ten, fifteen, twenty or more pieces until you are reduced to nothing. You might feel lost, or you might be thriving. It just depends on whom you are, your lifestyle, your beliefs, and what you have been told your entire life and whether you believe it. Eventually, you might meet the love of your life, and if they love you, they will not perceive you as a shell of a human for having multiple sexual partners, or less for having none at all.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. Or don't. It's your personal choice. Sex was not created to be between two spouses, it was created to procreate. Choosing to wait to have sex until marriage can be a beautiful and rewarding thing -- but it's not for everyone, and that's perfectly fine. So we need to try to accept people for healthy decisions (not using sex in anger, without consent, or to hurt others), and understand that not everyone's sex life is cookie cutter and bad if practiced before marriage. (Especially when you appear to not even be married yourself.) Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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