Recently, I have come to realize that I have been begging to be loved. I think I have been begging to be loved all my life, even though my childhood was full of love. I don't have some overwhelming void in my life from not being loved, truthfully my parents loved me way more than they should've. I grew up knowing love; the love my parents had for each other as well as for my brother and I. Most importantly, I knew the overwhelming and merciful love of Jesus Christ. My parents made sure I knew how loved I was by them but that, that couldn't even compare to the love Jesus had for me. So I know love. But selfishly, I look for love in all the wrong places, I look for worldly love. I think I do this because I get so caught up in my own plans that I forget about the Lord's plan for me. I keep wanting to rush every moment of my life; specifically, wanting to hurry up and find "the one". I think I keep rushing to find someone to love me because I don't love myself. What if I can't find someone to love quite yet because God is still working on him, and God is still working on me?
You go on dates and you share first kisses and the basic list of facts about your life, but you're always left wanting more. Every time you think, this could be the one? Why? Because you are so eager to find someone to love. Why? Because you aren't loving yourself fully, so you're trying to find someone else to do it for you. This is why you keep having to beg for love. If you are having to constantly seek out what you want in a partner or ask them to love you; it isn't it. I think this is because you have to know how to love yourself; you have to love yourself in order to know how you are suppose to be loved.
I think at some point we have to stop begging men to love us, and just start loving ourselves. If you have to wonder about a man's feelings for you or you feel disappointed in love, it probably isn't love. I think we get so caught up in the idea of being loved by someone and having a partner that we just settle. We begin settling in our partners and how they treat us, which is something we should never have to do. When I don't have to beg for love, that means I am being loved in a way I didn't know was possible.
Begging for love is the greatest dishonor you can place on yourself. Start respecting your own body and mind by loving yourself enough that you don't care if a man is showing you love. You aren't required to have a partner at a specific point, love will find you when it is suppose to. Stop staying with someone who doesn't see the value in you, someone who doesn't realize just how important you are. Stop settling just because you want someone to "love you", because if you have to question their love or tell them how to love you, then it's not love.
When the time is right, you will come across someone who knows how to love you. People say that you have to tell people how to love you, but I don't believe that. If they really listen to you when you are getting to know each other and beginning to open up, they'll know how to love you. Just wait. Honestly, just enjoy the life you have now and the things you want to do because a man will walk into your life when they are suppose to. Stop wasting time begging to be loved when you can spend this period of time loving yourself.
Stop getting into situationships with men who have mother issues to deal with before they can love a woman. Stop talking to men for five months before you realize they don't want people to know about you. If it is taking them five months to figure out if they want a relationship with you, move on. Don't let yourself pine after a man who isn't trying to keep you as if losing you is the worst thing that could happen. If you tell them what you need and they ignore it, move on. Dating is fun and it can be whatever you want it to be but at the same time, don't fixate on one man bc you want a boyfriend. You can see multiple men and if you fine one you want to consider, okay then but if he doesn't offer you what you want then move to the next OR MOVE TO NONE OF THEM.
It is okay for relationships to not work out and you to be by yourself for a little while. You deserve to take time for yourself and let yourself heal. Don't be too quick to move into another situation that might cause you more grief. Give yourself a break, and try to evaluate how you are loving your own self. Stop begging for love, you can love yourself enough.