I have misophonia, a sound processing "disorder" (it's actually a symptom of anxiety-based disorders). I get triggered by various human-made sounds (singing, humming, whistling, tapping, chewing, etc.). It doesn't matter who's making the sound or whether or not the sound is inherently pleasant. These sounds are a trigger for me and cause immense anxiety, anger, aversion, and distress.

My mom is offended by my misophonia. Whenever her singing triggers me, she says that it offends her and makes her feel like a bad singer. I can understand how someone immediately plugging their ears in discomfort as soon as you start singing can make you feel bad, but you also have to remember:

1. People don't choose their triggers and they have limited control over the behaviors they have to enact to protect themselves.

They are almost automatic, and trying to change these things forcefully results in a lot of distress. Trust me; we don't purposely choose to be triggered by something you do, nor do the behaviors we engage in have anything to do with how much we like you.

2. There's nothing personal to be taken from triggers or behaviors.

What we struggle with has everything to deal with us and our illnesses. It means nothing about you, your skills, your worth, or your adequacy.

3. If what someone does because of their mental illness is offensive to you, take time to figure out why.

If you're taking a situation that's not personal VERY personal, then that's when we need to investigate.

Are you so insecure about your singing that having someone be triggered by it sets you off? Does a certain behavior agitate your self-esteem?

You can feel entitled to your emotions AND acknowledge that your emotions stem from a personal issue and not anything the other person did.

I had to learn this myself about not being able to take criticism. I have a right to my emotions, but at some point, I had to realize why I couldn't accept any criticism and how it's not healthy for me to have such an adverse reaction every time.

I need to work on my self-esteem so I can take criticism healthily. It's not the job of others to withhold corrections in order to protect my feelings and keep me from being offended. It is up to me to take responsibility for my own emotions. If I don't want to be offended by critiques anymore, I need to build my self-esteem.

This leads me to my next point:

4. No one is responsible for your emotions and you are not responsible for anyone else's

Many of us grew up in an emotionally enmeshed environment and feel like we hold responsibility for managing the emotional states of others and vice versa, but that's not true. We are responsible for controlling, processing, and dealing with our emotions.

Do not place the job on your loved ones who are mentally ill and/or neurodivergent to mask in order to make you feel comfortable.

You can feel offended, but to feel deeply offended when something is not personal is a sign of a personal problem. You have to take responsibility for retraining your brain to process emotions properly and to feel secure with yourself. People shouldn't have to mask because you have low self-esteem.

The Ohio State University

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