Once thought of as being something more of an American culture Dating is now as commonplace on both sides of the Atlantic because of no small degree to the growth of online dating which has allowed us to meet more people than ever before, and it's easier than ever to do so.
While the growth of dating has brought positive things, it has also allowed us, in a variety of ways, to gain greater control over the types of people we meet as well as to think more carefully about the type of relationship that could be a good fit for us but it also comes with a number of potential challenges and dangers.
5 Pitfalls of Online Dating
1. Feeling the tension
In certain ways, dating is an artificial method to get acquainted with one another. A date may feel like an extremely formal event when you meet and spend time together , and hopefully, you decide whether you'd like to get together once more. Sometimes, dating can feel as a means to achieve a goal: to figure out how you can collaborate as two people.
This is why it is sometimes something that is quite stressful. It can cause anxiety and, at times, a bit uncomfortable. It can make it difficult to get comfortable with becoming acquainted with the person you are meeting. We all hate the idea of being assessed. Many of us find it difficult to judge the other person! However, the underlying reason for dating can be that you're supposed to do something which is to determine the best way to determine, in as little as time as possible, the possibility that you and the other person can work together.
The format of the actual dating does not help this. As a social activity dating can be in certain ways, quite intensive. Most of the time you get together and have a chat for several hours. The most common scenario is going to a restaurant or pub and sitting opposite each other, gazing straight at one another. This is something you may never do with your closest acquaintances, let alone strangers. For those who normally are unable to hold long conversations dating can be very stressful. Even the most experienced person may feel anxious about the possibility of a strange interruption in conversation.
2. A transactional experience
Online dating sites for mature women have many added complications. It puts much importance on showing yourself in a particular and even artificial manner. When we create the profile of an online dating website it is common to create a highly precise picture of ourselves. We provide the information we want people to know about , and remove the details we don't want people to know about. We choose specific photos of us to help create the impression we want to convey.
This isn't the same as meeting someone in real life', and it's not always as easy to control other people's perceptions of us. If we meet someone at such a setting, like a bar or at a gathering we can know what they appear like, and we can know what their voices say when speaking to us, and detect their body expressions. We get a more distinct picture, more quickly. Of course, our real-life interactions can be a bit artificial as well. We always try to appear in a particular way while out and about, however, the quality and level of the information can be very different.
This is why when we meet someone we've been online with, it might take a few minutes for the illusion of being artificial to fade. A lot of us have experienced the feeling of getting to know one person only to discover that they're not the person we expected them to be in the first place. It can be very jarring or even depressing. It is tempting to dismiss this person and return to our search. However, this isn't an appropriate answer - who is different doesn't mean that they are not attractive or intriguing in any other way - however, it's not a surprise. Dating online can provide us with an illusion of control over our dating experience , which isn't always the case.
This brings us to the second major flaw of online dating by not being prescriptive enough. We all go into dating with a preconceived notion of who we would like to get acquainted with. The ability to browse through hundreds and hundreds of profiles online could increase the possibility that we could find ourselves in a position to meet a specific person. We could find ourselves moving on dates from one to the next, hoping that we find that one who seems to be perfect.
In a way the notion of prescriptiveness is entwined in the present time with the old-fashioned notion of "the one". In the past we may have come to believe that someone was "the one' due to spending long enough with them in order to become acquainted with them . Then, we might have asked them out. In the present, we could be thinking that 'the one' is available but only if searched for a long time.
3. Managing your expectations
How can we reduce certain of these potentially dangerous concepts about dating? While it could appear as though these risks can make dating a dangerous hazard In some ways, it's simply a matter of simplifying the way you think about your relationship and what you expect to gain from it.
The pressure and stress of dating can be felt because we believe we're working towards a specific "purpose". If we remove the big goal away from the equation, things could become more relaxed. If we stop worrying all about where our dating is going to be, the result is an enjoyable, beneficial and enjoyable experience. When you're not under the stress to decide the things you think about this person, you could discover that you are able to be yourself and engage in an enjoyable conversation. Contrarily, this could allow you to arrive at this point because you both will be more relaxed and establish a connection as individuals.
It could, in fact, be beneficial to communicate this mindset at some moment in the beginning of a relationship and not for the purpose of pushing someone back or telling them the way they should conduct themselves however, rather as an opportunity to express what you like about yourself.
4. Being open
This is the other, similarly simple concept that you may want to apply to your dating experience trying to get to get to know your partner and allow them to get to know you. We've said it before, dating, especially online dating, is a source of a fake transient relationship. However, and even at risk of repeating the obvious, dating isn't a form of shopping, and people aren't goods.
In simple terms, it might take time to establish a rapport with an individual. It's crucial to stay open to accepting this and even particularly - when you're not certain of your feelings about them. You might find the person who, at first impression, wasn't captivating, then begins to reveal the depths of their character when you've met for the third or fourth time. Someone who appeared uneasy and difficult to understand at first may later settle down the second.
We understand that this may require an ounce into the unknown, however it may be a great opportunity to determine what you think about someone in order to make an informed choice about whether you'd want to keep visiting them. Sometimes, it's just as easy as having more than three dates with someone rather than just one.
A large part of this is the willingness to let go or at least to be flexible about the idea of being the perfect person. It is easy to become involved in this concept. However, it could be extremely restricting. When you respond to a stranger by a quick reaction - noting something you don't like , and then deciding to move on and restart your search. It could cause you to write people off, without giving them the opportunity to prove who they are. If you allow them to get to know them It could be the case that your friends you're talking to may be closer to what you desire than you thought. Also, and perhaps more important - they might provide you with something you didn't even realize you needed.
5. Mixing things up
A few final useful tips.
- If you first notice that you're having a hard time finding the time to relax on an evening out, you may think about switching the kind of dates you take. Sometimes, doing activities while on a date could be beneficial, since it doesn't require you to talk all the time. It also gives you something to discuss.
- It doesn't need to be expensive or even thrilling riding a bicycle ride, or a stroll, or even going to an art gallery together could be fantastic ways to make things enjoyable, fascinating and casual , and at the same time, allow you to meet one of your friends.
- Don't forget that it's not necessary to make friends online. Although it may not seem like it, it's perfectly normal to be more comfortable meeting in a natural setting. Sometimes, this means engaging in activities that you enjoy: joining a club , or taking the initiative to participate in social gatherings with other members of the group. This gives the opportunity to know someone better without the need to be part of the more formal dating scene'.
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