Ever since I was a little girl, I was grateful enough to have a model relationship to look up to. My dad sacrificed his time, energy, and health to give me and my sister a wonderful childhood on top of being the husband he needed to be for my mom. Every night, my dad would call my mom on the way home from work to check in on her and see how her day was. He never seemed to miss a day and was never too busy to talk to my mom. Seeing how he has put in the effort and exorcised his love for my mom over the years with all the ups and downs life has thrown at them is utterly amazing.
One could say that my expectations are quite high after growing up with my parent's model relationship. Right now, I am in the tumultuous world of online dating and for so many, it really tests us. When I can, I put myself out there and try and go on dates. "Meet new people they say", right? I try to never regret a date because even if the date goes terrible, at least I met someone new and got to learn their story because people are uber interesting. Through my dating roller coaster, I have been able to round up some of the men into categories based on what I have seen. So, let's get into it!
1. The Rebounder
This one comes in at number 1 because my most recent date was a rebounder and I see this one the most. These are the guys that are recently out of a relationship and not emotionally healed. They are looking for someone to pass the time with and take their mind off their ex because they cannot sit in the silence of being single. It is unfair to the girl in the rebounder relationship because she is not emotionally getting all of the guy. His mind is still somewhere else and he has not taken the time to figure out his life without somebody in it. Memories are fresh for him and he is comparing everything you do with him to his ex.
My story: I met this dude out to watch a football game last second at a burger joint. He seemed pretty cool to meet me so spontaneously in the evening after he got off work so I thought why not? But, about 30 minutes into the date he started explaining how him and his ex had just broken up after 4 years and she still needed to pick things up from his place. He then ended up talking about her for pretty much the rest of the date and explaining to me the dynamics of their relationship. From her trying to win him back over, her posting attention seeking stories on Instagram (why does he still follow her), how she cheated, did not motivate him in life, etc. By the end of the date, he was sitting in my car getting a therapy session from me about how breakups are hard and life will get better with time. Safe to say I did not go on a second date.
2. The "I Don't Know What I Am Looking For"
If you are on dating sites then you probably see how often the category "don't know what I am looking for" pops up on a guy's profile. These are the guys that are floating through life with no real reason to actually be in a relationship. If you are an old soul like me when it comes to dating, then you know how frustrating this type of guy can be. Even the guys that put "looking for a relationship" will still end up saying they don't know what they are actually looking for further into the conversation. More times than not, this dude just wants something casual. They do not actually want to invest the time into courting you and getting to know you on an emotional level. The "I don't know what I am looking for" guy is really just a softer term for "I am looking for a hookup".
My story: I had gone out with this guy about a year ago and we seemed to have a lot in common right off the bat. From our values to how we wanted to raise a family, we seemed to be on the same wave legnth. But, I started to pick up on the fact that he did not know exactly what he wanted. He had recently moved here, was currently a bartender trying to find another job, and still stuck in party mode. He was asking how often I went out and went on to say "when I go out I go out all night long". My reaction was an immediate "oh no" this guy is still in college mode. By the end of the date, he offered I should visit him over the weekend at the bar he works at. First off, the place was 35 minutes away and second, he was off at 3am. My gut rolled and I knew this guy was not looking for a relationship so you can probably guess that outcome.
3. The Rambler
People love talking about themselves and it is no different in dating. The amount of times I have gone on a date and the guy ends up talking the entire time without me getting in one word is nuts. These guys are very into themselves and really only like to hear themselves talk. They do not ask you lots of questions and when they do, they find a way to turn the conversation back around onto them. If you think the more you hang out with them it will get better, it probably will not. Some guys just don't know how to shut up when they need to shut up. A date should go 2 ways, not 1. They should be just as eager to get to know about your life and ask all the questions as they talk about theirs. If a guy does not do this, run. You will save yourself a lot of time and effort.
My story: A while back, I thought I would go on a date with a military man. Now, not all military dudes are bad. There are some diamonds in the rough, but for me unfortunately, I haven't had the best time with this breed of men. Anyways, one day I went to get coffee with one who was pretty cute and was excited to get to know him. Get to know him I did, because this man would not stop talking. He was rambling on about helicopter missions, his cat, his friends, upbringing and much, much more. When I would try and interject something about myself, he would find a way to turn the conversation back onto him and ramble on more. By the end of the date, I was so exhausted from trying to keep track of everything he said I could not wait to go home. When I drove back home, I pondered over the fact that he barely learned anything about me because he never asked me anything about myself. That was the last time I saw him.
4. The Charmer
Oh how I love someone who can charm me. They are the smooth operator, says all the right things, naturally charming guy. Everything about them seems calm, cool, and collected. They know the dating game well and have experience talking to women. Usually, they are quite good lucking and realize they are. Everything will seem perfect and you will wonder what's the catch? The catch is, this guy will leave you in the dust and heart broken because they usually do not want a relationship. They are natural players and make their rounds with lots of women even though you really want to believe the opposite. You might think you can change the charmer and they will fall for you and only you. Let me tell you, they will likely move onto the next girl to charm once they get tired of you.
My story: Years ago, I went on a date with a Romanian, Justin Bieber look-alike. He was a smooth-talking, college soccer player who drew me right in with his charm. I was so impressed with how charming he was I thought, oh we got something here. At the time, I was not used to the charmer breed. I knew we had good chemistry and a good time together so of course down the road thought he would want to date me. He texted me all the time and wanted to buy me things on top of it. I was not used to the amount of effort put in by someone so quickly. But, every time I talked about becoming official, I could see the fear creep into his eyes. I also knew he liked to go out a lot but at the time I did not think much of it. Long story short, he was just looking for a good time and wanted to play the charmer card with not just me but other women. UltimatelyI said adios amigos to the guy real quick once I learned his charmer ways.
5. The Workaholic
This one can be a bit iffy and hard to see at first. The workaholic is the kind of guy that goes on a date to then explain how he is so busy and working all the time. You might think you are attracted to someone who is busy and ambitious, but the lines can get skewed here. The workaholic will explain how he barely has any time during the week to do anything. They are busy. They are tired. They are lost in the sauce of work to put it quite frankly. Everything will be on his timeline because he proclaims he is just "that busy". You will find yourself sacrificing your time and bending over backwards to fit into his routine leaving you feeling remorseful. Sure, he might have all the money to do the fun things that you want to do as a couple, but what's the point if he's never free on the weekends? You will always end up feeling second to his job and eventually get tired of the lifestyle difference.
My story: I once dated a guy that had a crazy work schedule. On top of it, his work hours were opposite to mine and I found myself adjusting to his work schedule most of the time since he was not as flexible. At first, I was attracted to the ambition he had for his work. Overtime, the attraction turned into resentment because of my frustration of feeling like I was giving up my life for his. I learned it was important for me to find someone that did not view work as the end all be all and valued their time away from it all. I also wanted someone who shared a similar lifestyle to me and valued what I valued. We were always on opposite pages and at the end of the day, neither of us were happy with the relationship.
