Your first love can come when you least expect it, but when they show up in your life, the impact they leave lasts forever.

Sometimes you meet while you are kids, in high school, in college, or even later on in your life. I met my first love when I was in my freshman year of college. At first, I didn't want to believe I was in love, so I tried to say it was just lust, but after everything came crashing down I knew it was love.

This love transformed me into a different person, in both a good and a bad way.

This relationship was in no way perfect or like a fairytale of two kids meeting in college and falling in love. It was the opposite, besides the meeting in college. We started talking the summer before freshman year. I still remember one day over the summer FaceTiming him all night up until like 6 in the morning. This happened a couple of times before we met, and I remember myself slowly catching feelings, despite never meeting him in person. I texted him constantly whenever something would happen, and by the time school was about to start I had a crush on him, and when I met him in person those feelings intensified. This relationship though was in no way perfect, since at the start there were red flags, but I was blinded by this feeling of lust, and yes at that time it was lust.

He became someone who was a constant in my life and whenever I was alone in my dorm room I would always end up going to his and there are certain moments I fell in love with first, and then with him. I loved the way he would let me just nap in his bed if I was tired, the lemonade he bought me cause he knew it was my favorite, watching "To All The Boy's I've Loved Before" even though I fell asleep while watching it, the walk home from the party with him just holding my hand. These are not all of the moments, but just some that brought me to the point of saying "I love you" to him.

I didn't say it first, he did, it took me a couple of weeks, and as soon as I said it back I knew that no matter what happened I would never be able to forget him.

He was someone I genuinely loved, despite how much of a rollercoaster of a relationship we had. I would stay up worrying about him if he was out late and wouldn't fall asleep until he came home. If he couldn't sleep I would get up and find him to make sure he was ok. I was hurting myself loving him, but I couldn't stop trying to help him since I knew he was in pain and I wanted to help.

Now that everything has ended I cannot forget him, but that is OK. Your first love has a major impact on you, and they will always have a part of you. I wasn't his first love, but he was mine and no matter how much I try to forget him. I won't. People's first loves teach them so much and shape them. They are not people you can simply forget. As badly as my relationship ended I do not regret loving him.

Moving on is possible, getting over them is something that may not happen.

This is perfectly normal. They helped shape you in one way or another. If this was a bad relationship that ended, always remember why it ended so you don't go back, but also remember the positive times that helped you. This love is always going to be with you, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it.

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