You Can’t Move Onto Your Next If You’re Still Hung Up On Your Ex

You Can’t Move Onto Your Next If You’re Still Hung Up On Your Ex

This should be a no-brainer, right?

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This should be a no-brainer, right? Who would get into a new relationship after just getting out of one? Obviously, there's still lingering feelings there.

We've all heard the expression: time heals all wounds. And that's true. When I broke up with my first boyfriend, it took time to heal. To learn to be on my own and love myself all by myself.

But nowadays, we're all so obsessed with relationships. With finding "the one" and ignoring the fact that we need our alone time. We need time to learn about ourselves, what we like and don't like—especially in a partner.

I'm here to remind you, ladies and gents, it's OK to be single. Don't rush into a new relationship with some guy you met off Tinder not two minutes after your break up because you're "bored" or "lonely."

Nothing can fill that void. Not even a new guy.

Some argue you never truly get over your first love—and I argue that's completely untrue.

First off, how unfair is it to your next? While you're with them, you're still thinking about him? If you're still thinking about them, you're not over them.

I mean, you can obviously still think about them. Maybe you see their favorite movie and wonder how they're doing.

But if you're with someone new, and for some reason, all you can do is think about your ex—you're not over them.

You're not ready to give your whole heart to someone new because someone else still has a piece of it.

I'm not preaching "moving on." Instead, I encourage you to slow down. The right one will come along eventually. I can't tell you how many people I know who are constantly obsessed with finding someone simply because they just can't be alone.

I'll admit, being alone isn't fun. It's nice to have someone constantly there for you. It's like a best friend who's obligated to hang out with you—except you guys occasionally have sex.

But your alone time and your healing time is crucial for your own development. And, by allowing yourself to fully cope with your breakup, you're also saving your next from getting hurt in the end.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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After Giving So Many Chances, I'm Taking My Own Time With The Dating World

To Everyone Who Keeps Telling Me To Give Guys Chances, I Am Done Listening To You!

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To keep this short and [not so] sweet, I am done listening to everyone who tells me to give guys chances even if I get a not so great vibe from the beginning. In the fewest cases where I've started dating again after a very toxic relationship, it seems that everyone I do end up trying to give a chance and open myself up to just slaps me right in the face every single time and leaves me almost regretting the opportunities I try giving to others.

Two years ago I was able to let go of a very toxic relationship that I tried hanging onto for way too long. After that breakup, it took me so much time to be social and willing to get out there again. I can also say I was already prepared and (basically) trying to heal and move on even before I was able to cut every string off with my ex. As the years were already bad in our relationship, the very last few months were the pinpoints of everything I needed to finally just let go. I had decided to just accept it, and slowly prepare myself to completely leave after six years (I know, it's crazy). Doing that helped me have full strength in myself once I made the final decision and broke everything off.

I am happy and proud to say that I LOVE who I am now. I am so thankful for doing what I did for myself because I love who and where I am in life at this exact moment. With that said, socially, I struggled going out and meeting new people when I wanted to. I would experience so much anxiety when I tried “dating" again. Eventually, I gave up and just did me which provided so much strength and positivity for myself.

I allowed life to just flow and created a mindset of letting whatever happen, happen. While I did that, there were a few times where I was able to meet guys that I was actually willing to give a chance for. Nothing serious obviously.. but it was a chance of hope in being able to start something new. In which I knew, most of them were a waste of my time. On the first dates, I was already not interested after the first twenty or so minutes... asking my best friends to call me and save my life. It has definitely been quite the experience.

In the present time, I can say that I feel more comfortable personally and socially with meeting new people and engaging a first impression and/or relationship. I like to take my time and get to know someone slowly...it's easier to for me to spend time now and actually get to know them in person rather than through simple texts and viewing their social media. Within the past couple of months, I have engaged relationships I eventually was getting comfortable with after taking my time to meet them and get to know them better. Of course, none of these were anything serious, because unfortunately, it didn't last long enough to even get to that point.

For example, there have been two times that I convinced myself to give chances with someone new... both in which ended up with them ghosting out on me after a few weeks when everything seemed to be going pretty well between us (or so I thought). The thing I keep realizing that guys seem to lack so hard on is communication. It is so easy, to be honest, and fair rather than to just not give any explanation and play someone dirty.

Moral of the story, trust your gut. always. Once you get that gut feeling... you know. You must trust yourself more than anyone else's thoughts. Always do you, put yourself first, love yourself first, and know your worth. Experience is great... it creates practice for when the right one comes along. But don't waste your time when your mind is telling you one thing compared to what society tells you.


Princess J,

Xoxo

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