Last month I started doing what most people my age are—I started using a dating app. I created a profile on OkCupid because I know someone who met her now-fiancé on it.

I was expecting the worst as I put my pictures on there. I thought I was going to get weird and hurtful messages from guys because I didn't try to hide my wheelchair. And I'll admit, I did get some. But it was nowhere near as much as I was expecting.

I actually had a good experience with the dating app, but that doesn't mean it was a good idea to be on it.

I don't regret going on it. I met some great guys and got a new friendship out of it, but I stayed on it way longer than I should have.

I thought I was ready to date again. I thought I would be okay trying to let someone in and to trust again. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

I never realized how much everything my ex-boyfriend did to me affected me.

I'm still having panic attacks and breaking down whenever something reminds me of how my ex used to treat me. I see a couple tell each other they love each other and break down crying because that's something I never had.

A friend talks to me about how he's scared to drive my car, but he can't drive me in his since I can't get my wheelchair into it. And as soon as he tells me that, I start to have a panic attack. He didn't do anything wrong, but it made me think about my past.

I started thinking about my ex complaining about how I couldn't get out of my chair and get into his car myself and that made the attack start.

Before I was trying to date again, I barely had any panic attacks and didn't have any breakdowns. It's still a lot better than when I was with my ex, but this shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be breaking down crying whenever something reminds me of my past.

And I think the fear of somebody treating me the same way is causing me to be like this.

I wanted someone to show me something different than what I had. But I think I was just trying so hard to find someone to heal the pain I still had in my heart.

I realized with that last breakdown that I needed to stop looking so hard and just let love come when it's supposed to. As much as I want my knight in shining armor to show up at my doorstep, I know that even if I find him it will just hurt the both of us if I'm not completely over the stuff my ex did to me. And I know that God has my love story planned out already, even though I have no idea when it will happen.

The night I deleted my profile, I saw a video of a girl explaining how so many people are looking for unconditional love when we already have it.

That hit me so hard.

God loves every one of us unconditionally and until we understand His love for us, we can't truly love ourselves or the one He has picked out for us.

He helped me realize what I need to do. From now on, I'm going to enjoy the life He gave me and learn to love myself completely until I find the person I'm meant to be with.

Even if you don't take anything away from this, remember this: don't force anything that isn't meant to be. God loves you and has already chosen the perfect person for you. Keep learning to love yourself and when the time is right, that person will be by your side like they were always meant to be.