The struggle of searching for love and never finding it
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This Is the best love advice anyone can ever give you

"In finding love, I think it's important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it's important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take." - Kina Grannis


Let me start off by saying that I am no 'love expert' nor will I ever be one. I am here to share some advice with you that helped me find the right kind of love, the kind of love that everyone deserves in this life and the kind love that is pure and lasts forever. As cliché as that sounds, I promise if you take my advice you won't regret it.

For as long as I can remember, I always had a boy to crush on. Whether it was a week-long crush or a four-year-long crush I couldn't help myself. I find boys attractive and funny and there is nothing wrong with that. With that being said, none of those crushes ever became my boyfriend, which led me to wonder as to what I was doing wrong. I was constantly questioning myself in what I did wrong, or what I didn't do right to get a boy to like me back. I started to question my physical features, compare myself to others girls and even change my personality so boys would like me and notice me more. But, none of those things seemed to work out in my favor.

I always remember my mom saying to me as a kid to not be so desperate to find or have a boyfriend. But like any other teenager, I never took my mom's advice. I was constantly daydreaming of the day I would finally find a guy who would eventually become my boyfriend, fall in love and live happily ever after. I wanted the fairytale love story everyone dreams about. Unlike other people, I was thinking about my fairytale love story every single day. It got to a point where I pretty much had my dream boyfriend pictured in my head and as if I had an imaginary boyfriend. At the time, I didn't think it was bad for me to do that, but now looking back on it I just think of how unhealthy that was towards my mental health and sanity.

Finally, after what seemed of years of dreaming of the perfect boyfriend, I finally found one. The relationship only lasted a few shorts months but man, did I fall in love. I tried so hard to get my relationship to go down the path I wanted it to go. How I had always dreamed my relationship would be, only for it to turn out the complete opposite. I wasn't letting the relationship go its own path which in the end just did not work out. It wasn't until about a year later that I finally realized that I wasn't falling in love with the person I had been in a relationship, I was falling in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

After my moment of realization of wondering why my relationship didn't work out is when I received this little piece of advice that stuck to me like glue. One day in class some classmates and I were having a normal conversation before the start of our class. I don't remember how but the topic of relationships came up and one of my classmates was talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. She had mentioned how she too had always dreamt about having a perfect relationship and being "#relationshipgoals" with a significant other but was never able to find that happiness in a relationship until she stopped looking for love. I was starstruck. How could she have found love if she stopped looking for love? Don't you have to look for love in order to find it? The answer is no, you don't. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

Here's the thing, the day you stop looking for love and desiring affection from a significant other, is the day that you will find that "perfect love". It took me years to be able to figure out the true meaning of this advice I was given back in high school. I was constantly trying to be in a relationship or get a guy to like me. I even tried to convince myself a few times that I didn't want love and I just wanted to be happy with who I was as a person but I always went back to my old habits of daydreaming of that 'perfect love'.

It wasn't until the end of my first semester of freshman year in college that I truly understood the meaning of this advice. I was so fed up with boys and not being treated the way I thought I deserved to be treated, I wasn't happy with myself and it was something that I didn't want in my life anymore. I simply just wanted to be happy with myself and love myself for who I am. And that is exactly what I did, I began to put myself first and not let myself get degraded by others and let myself feel belittled or worthless. I worked hard for myself and began to feel proud of who I was. While focusing on myself, I was able to let go of the idea of wanting to be in a relationship and longing for love and affection from someone else, but this time with the right mindset and all the right reasons. It was during this time of not seeking love and loving myself, love finally came to me first. I met someone, someone who little did I know would change my life for the better and accept me for who I truly am. I stopped looking for love, began to love myself and let love come and find me. A piece of advice I have heard for years by mom but never really understood the true meaning of it until I began to love myself and fully happy with who I am.

It is important to be able to love yourself before you can share your love with someone else. If you aren't at least content with who you are as a person you are not capable of being able to love another person. As hard and frustrating that may sound, its the hard truth. Stop looking for the love and affection you've always dreamt of and wanted, learn to love yourself and let love come and find you on its own. I guarantee you, it is the best love advice you can ever receive. Love is out there for you, so never lose hope.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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