Advice For Anyone Who Feels Like They Lost Themselves To A Relationship

Advice For Anyone Who Feels Like They Lost Themselves To A Relationship

"Trying to find yourself after realizing you're lost isn't easy, but its not impossible."
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Hey you,

I hope that this finds you well.

I know breakups are hard; no one ever goes into a relationship wanting to break up. Relationships teach you about who you are, who you want to be, and what you want in life. Falling in love can be consuming, and its really easy to lose sight of who you are, or want to be. The kind of love that makes you lose yourself, is the kind of love that ruins you. Losing yourself to love is hard to realize, but know that you can always find yourself again. The first time I ever got my heart truly broken was because I broke it myself after realizing that I had no idea who I was anymore. It is terrifying, and unbelievably difficult to accept that you may not be as happy as you think you are, or supposed to be. Trying to find yourself after realizing you are lost isn't easy, but its not impossible. For starters,

You must want to find yourself

There is no easy way to come to this realization though. You may wake up one day and just know. You may find someone who shows you that you're ready to move on; make sure you thank them. The realization process is different for everyone, and some people may never realize it. As cliche as it sounds, the first sept to recovery is acceptance. No matter how hard you try, you will never truly find yourself until you want to start looking. After realizing that you have lost yourself to a relationship, there are probably a million thoughts running through your head. "Who am I? Where am I going? Why didn't I realize this sooner?" Know that it is okay to wonder these things. Once you are able to ask these questions, you are ready to start finding the answers.

Cut toxic things out of your life

Typically, people suggest that you should cut out toxic relationships and toxic people- but there are so many other factors that can cause someone to feel lost. As far as toxic relationships go, still cut them out. Cut out the friendships that always make you question their intentions, the ones you question if they genuinely care about you. Cut out the people who make you feel like you aren't good enough, the ones who don't believe in you. Cut out the people in your life that you always try to see the good in, even though they hurt you over and over again. You might even have to cut out the people in your life who enable toxic people, which is the hardest part because the enablers may be the ones who care about you the most. You should also though, cut out toxic habits. These may be different for everyone: drugs, unhealthy eating habits, irresponsible spending, negative outlooks on life, etc. Whatever your poison may be, this might be a good time to find some healthy substitutes.

Go back to the things that made you happy

Think back to the one thing that you used to love doing, that brought you selfless joy. What was it for you? Whatever it was, don't forget how happy it used to make you. I think one thing people forget too often, is what made them who they are. Believe it or not- the minuscule leisure activities contributed. With relationships, sometimes you spend so much time with that person that you forget all about your interests. Let this breakup be the reason that you start doing what you love again, whatever it is that you miss, don't forget about it.

Focus on your passions

focus on your goals, on your future, and on you. There is so much time left ahead of you, and you may have no idea what you want to do with your life. That is totally fine. Take this time to explore different options, and to appreciate new opportunities. If you know where you want to be, follow that. The worse feeling is losing your ambition. Maybe you lost your drive during the relationship, or right after it ended, but do not fall into a slump of unproductiveness. When you let yourself succumb to a routine, you lose so much time; time that could be spent on personal development and growth. Remember that when you're comfortable, you're never moving forward.

Appreciate the little things

Have you ever gone outside and just took everything in? I feel like all too often we take things at face value without thinking about them. After a breakup, everything can seem a little hazy. My advice is to try to take the time and enjoy the common things in life. I know you're probably thinking that you don't have time to spend thinking about "the little things", but I challenge you to try. It is so easy for life's joys to get away from us, and to get caught up in the motions of life. Just take a moment to let the sun beat down on your face. Theres no harm in taking some time for yourself.

Ask questions

Never want to stop learning more about yourself. Ask yourself what you value in life- maybe its changed since the last time you thought about it. There are a lot of questions you probably don't know the answers to, and it might take awhile to figure out. Just don't settle for who you are right now, there is always room to grow.

Don't be afraid to be happy again

Above all else, remember this. Don't hold the past against yourself, because you deserve so much more. There comes a point where you might feel like everything is your fault, that your relationship failed because of something you did- and it very well might have, but don't let that be a reason to not move on. It's okay to be vulnerable; to feel something again. Whatever moving on looks like for you, don't feel like you aren't worth being happy again.

I want you to know that is it okay to feel like this. No one can prepare you for what it feels like to lose someone who was such a big part of your life- but things get better. Know that even though you may feel lost right now, tomorrow is always a new day.

I wish you all the best,

Me

Cover Image Credit: Allison Fallon

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To The Girl Who Isn't Graduating On Time, It Won't Feel Any Less Amazing When You Do

Graduating is something to be proud of no matter how long it takes you.

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To the girl who isn't graduating college "on time,"

I promise, you will get there eventually, and you will walk across that graduation stage with the biggest smile on your face.

You may have a different journey than the people you grew up with, and that is OKAY. You may have some twists and turns along the way, a few too many major changes, a life change, you may have taken most of a semester off to try to figure your life out, and you're doing the best you can.

Your family and your friends don't think less of you or your accomplishments, they are proud of your determination to get your degree.

They are proud of the woman you are becoming. They don't think of you as a failure or as someone any less awesome than you are. You're getting your degree, you're making moves towards your dreams and the life that you have always wanted, so please stop beating yourself up while you see people graduating college on time and getting a job or buying a car.

Your time will come, you just keep doing what you need to do in order to get on that graduation stage.

Your path is set out for you, and you will get there with time but also with patience. The place you're at right now is where you are supposed to be. You are going to thrive and you are going to be the best version of you when you graduate and start looking for a company that you will be proud to work for. Don't look on social media and feel less than, because at least you're still working towards your degree that you are finally passionate about. You will be prepared. You will be ready once the time comes and you cross the stage, move away, and start your journey in whatever field you're going into.

Don't question yourself, and be confident in your abilities.

With love,

A girl who isn't graduating on time

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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