The whole time growing up, I found myself oddly out of place when the topic among my friends turned to their crushes on TV. Although its now glaringly obviously why I found myself more interested in Angelina than Brad, I spent most of my tween years establishing an ever-growing list of girl crushes.
As soon as I opened myself up to the idea of dating women, the image of a woman walking towards me in a white dress with flowers in her hair exploded in my mind. Now, I spend more time than what's probably responsible day-dreaming about the perfect woman while I'm supposed to be listening to a lecture in class.
The best part of being young in a time like this is that popular culture is finally moving on from the I Love Lucy show type and onto bigger, more progressive things. Because of this, there's an overwhelming amount of perfect wives, mothers and general ladies on the TV screen now. Many of these ladies have ended up as tattoos on my skin or sketches on my notes for those very reasons.
Despite this, I've finally been able to narrow it down to my top 12ladies who collectively make up the perfect woman.
1. The passion and thoughtfulness of Leslie KnopeGiphy
Leslie Knope was brought to life by Amy Poehler in Parks and Recreation. Her passion for the city of Pawnee, willingness to prioritize everyone before herself and knack for producing thoughtful, personalized presents makes her one of the greatest friends and a blessing to her husband, Ben.
2. The humor and motherhood of LindaGiphy
Linda Belcher from "Bob's Burgers" has a reserved spot on my arm (once I have the money to pay for it) for being an outstanding mother and exactly the type of person I'd be honored to spend the rest of my life with. She touches everyone around her with her humor and is dedicated to providing for her kids at all costs, while having fun along the way.
3. The glow up of PamGiphy
Pam Beasley is the definition of "started from the bottom now we here." After she dumped her abusive ex Roy, she spent time to follow her dreams and develop self-confidence before bagging her boo Jim Halpert with a mixture of honesty and straight-up balls in "The Office." In my experience, the most beautiful people take time to start over from scratch and rebuild again at least once in their lives. I hope to find a partner who inspires me as much as Pam does.
4. The temperament of Princess BubblegumGiphy
Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time is a prime example of being sweet as sugar while still having a little bite to her. On the surface she's a kind, clever and just ruler of her Candy Kingdom, but her spoiled, skeptical princess-attitude is not only adorable, but also keeps her from being a little too nice, if you know what I mean. Not to mention that this cute attribute leaves some room for her to be swooned by Marceline the Vampire Queen, who I ship with all my heart.
5. The personality (and everything-ness) of JaneGiphy
We have almost never seen the likes of the protagonist in Jane the Virgin. Jane is a passionate writer, extremely family-oriented, and charms everyone she comes into contact with. She is hard working, pragmatic, and though she survived so much already, she never for a moment lost her absolutely unparalleled character.
6. The appearance of AlexGiphy
I have to confess, while Alex is a totally bad-ass addition to Quantico and I love a strong female lead as much as the next guy, this is really just a profession of love to Priyanka Chopra:
I love you Priyanka. I can make you so much happier than Nick ever will.
7. The protectiveness of GarnetGiphy
From Steven Universe, I don't know if I want Garnet to be my wife or my dad. She really keeps the whole family of Crystal Gems together, leading with her unparalleled abilities and showing her soft side almost exclusively for their baby Steven. As impressive as her stoic power is, her utter devotion to her family and touching back-story give this one-of-a-kind character all new depth that totally charms viewers.
8. The spookiness of AprilGiphy
The second baller wife-lady from Parks & Recreation, April is the spookiest of them all and the queen of the illusive Goth Girlfriend we've all wanted at one point. She and Andy are the most adorable cat-and-dog duo that's ever been. That cold, dead stare paired with occasional examples of how thoughtful and compassionate she really is makes this character full of surprises. Even if I can't find someone like her to end up with, I'd also settle for being a sacrifice in one of her sinister rituals. Whichever comes first.
9. The loyalty of RoseGiphy
Throwing it all the way back to season nine of Doctor Who, Rose Tyler is by far my favorite companion of the mysterious alien doctor to date. I will never recover from the episode where she was left behind; in the words of Ariana Grande, this one taught me pain, as anyone could count themselves lucky to have someone this big-hearted and devoted to adventure with.
Final note: Billie Piper deserves an award for those lips alone.
10. The street smarts of Phoebe
Gif by Betchen Wieners on Betchen
Phoebe is by far my favorite character on Friends. A slightly eccentric white lady at first blush, it is an absolute treat to watch snippets of her rough-and-tumble background come out as the series progresses. Growing up in a slightly-scary part of California during the 2008 recession, I have some undercover stuff that my current crowd probably wouldn't believe either, and a large part of me hopes my future wife will be able to relate to that. Kudos to Kudrow for this portrayal.
11. The independence of KataraGiphy
Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender was one of my biggest show-crushes growing up. On the one hand, she was so bad-ass that she became her master's first female pupil on sheer stubbornness alone. Then, she taught the freaking Avatar water bending so he could defeat the fire lord. How cool is that?! This impressive resume couldn't have been completed without her fierce independence and total disregard for any issue that was stupid enough to get in her way, including Aang and her brother Sokka.
12. The thickness of ShegoGiphy
With rumors of a remake in the mix, the Twitter-sphere exploded recently speculating who producers would pick to play the thicc and dangerous dame Shego. Though she was only a sidekick to Drakken in Kim Possible, her physical physique, military know-how and a little bit of magic make her the obvious threat out of the two. Clearly, its hips like those that are responsible for making me gay.
Nice one, Disney.
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