It’s okay to be lonely.
Chances are, so is everyone else. When you’re feeling lonely, just remember that you aren’t actually alone. Your friends may have even more going on than you do and might not be able to always be there for you, but they still care. Your family might live thousands of miles away from you, but they still care, too.
You’re allowed to feel what you feel.
No matter how irrational those feelings may seem. You should never have to apologize for crying, being depressed, being anxious, or any other emotions you may have.
Take care of yourself.
Drink water. When you think you’ve had enough water, drink another glass. Try and eat three square meals a day and make an effort at being healthy. On the other hand, don’t deny yourself the simple pleasure that is your favorite food, no matter how bad it is for you. Get some sleep. Be physically active; even if you hate going to the gym or running or doing yoga, find some way to keep your body in motion. Both your mind and your body will thank you for the kind treatment.
Find a “spot.”
Maybe it’s the back table of the little coffee shop that no one else seems to know about. Maybe it’s the fourth bench on right side of the path at the park by your house. Maybe it’s your bed. But you need to have a spot where you can go to escape everyone else and find a second of inner peace.
Talk to people.
Don’t be so caught up in your own crazy life that you forget to talk to people. Learn about your grandparents’ childhood. Talk to your siblings about their new job and their love life. Ask your professors about their college experiences. Chat with your waitress or bartender. Befriend some of your coworkers, even if the majority of them are a completely different age than you. Most people aren’t inherently mean, and you can learn and be inspired from anyone and everyone if you allow yourself.
Tell people how you feel.
And don’t be afraid to do so. No matter how terrifying the idea of getting all your feelings out on the table may be in essentially any situation, it is relieving to do so and necessary for any relationship to grow. And, on the contrary, make sure you listen to people when they tell you how they feel.
Try new things.
Even if it’s just trying a new kind of soup at Panera or going to a different local coffee shop. It could be a new hobby, like cross stitching or ballroom dancing. Or it could be something drastic, like getting your first tattoo or going skydiving. Don’t let your life get boring and stagnant; shake things up. Live a little.
It’s okay to be mediocre.
Maybe you think you’re really mediocre at writing or dancing. Maybe you even think you’re really awful at writing or dancing. It doesn’t matter. If you like it, do it. It’s that simple.
Don’t try to be someone you’re not.
It’s okay to like and dislike what you do and be who you are. Don’t pretend to like American Horror Story just because everyone else is watching it. Don’t pretend to dislike pumpkin spice lattes because they’re too “basic.” Also, never ever change who you are to make someone like you. That’s just a recipe for disaster. Put simply, you’re you for a reason.
Relationships are hard, but worth it.
And this goes for absolutely every type of relationship. If the person is truly, genuinely worth your time, everything will work out. As a tip, the people that are truly, genuinely worth it tend to make you feel good about yourself.
You are so much more than your grades and your career.
You are so much more than school and a job. You are your favorite song, your strange idiosyncrasies, your mom’s eyes and your dad’s nose. You should put forth your best effort in school and in any job you have, but these things don’t define who you are.
Be as kind as possible.
Go especially out of your way to be kind to young kids and animals, but be kind to everyone. Most people are not mean-spirited. If they are, they more than likely have an internal struggle they are dealing with and deserve kindness anyways. That being said, do not be a doormat.
Embrace spontaneity.
Go to the bar on a Tuesday night. Go on a road trip without a destination. Go on a last-minute date with someone you normally wouldn’t go out with. Get a tattoo. You have the rest of your life to be scheduled.
It’s okay to treat yourself.
Splurge. Buy something you’ve been wanting for a while. We’ll never have “enough” money to spend on things that aren’t necessary, so just do it. Although, from personal testimony, it might be a better use of your money if you spend it on an experience rather than an item.
Don’t apologize if you’re not sorry.
You owe that to yourself. When you do something to hurt another person, intentionally or unintentionally, that is when you apologize. Do not apologize for talking about something you are passionate about, for dressing a certain way, for saying no, for being yourself, or anything you’re not actually sorry for.
It’s okay to ask for help.
In fact, ask for help as much as possible. Other people have a lot of insight to offer; you aren’t expected to know everything simply because you aren’t a teenager anymore.
You don’t owe anyone anything.
It’s your body. It’s your time. It’s your life. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s okay to say no to a boy, quit your job, or cut a toxic relationship from your life. Putting yourself first and being mean are not the same thing.
It’s okay if people are “more successful” than you.
There will always be someone who’s “better” than you at everything. There’s always going to be someone who “made it further” in life and makes you feel insignificant. It doesn’t matter, as long as you are striving to do your personal best and doing something that you enjoy.
Therapy does not make you crazy.
Actually quite the opposite. Therapy means that you are taking the steps to help yourself in the way that you believe is best for you.
Constructive criticism and being mean are two very different things.
Do not mistake these two. You are allowed to get angry at someone for being mean; do not get mad at someone for trying to help form you into a better person.
It’s okay if you don’t know where your life is headed.
In fact, if you find yourself in this position, like the majority of 20-somethings seem to, take advantage of it. Just try to learn about things you enjoy.
Mental health days are totally acceptable.
You think anyone can balance school, work, family, a social life, a relationship, and everything else life throws at us without a mental health day every so often?
See as much of the world as you can.
Travel as much as possible, even if you don’t really have the finances to do so. Explore every inch of the city or town you live in. Appreciate the world you live in.
Make time to read for pleasure.
Read something you’re interested in that’s completely unrelated to any of your classes. Read a sappy romance novel. Read the Harry Potter series for the 8th time. Even if it’s just a few pages every night before bed, take the time to let yourself learn, be motivated, or even just escape reality through reading.
Make a bucket list.
And start doing whatever it takes to cross the items off your bucket list. They don’t all have to be extravagant like riding the London Eye or backpacking across Ireland. They can be as simple as paying a toll for the car behind you or leaving a note in a library book.
Have a hobby completely unrelated to your job.
You need a way to detach yourself from your job. Your hobby can even be doing crossword puzzles; just make sure that you have an outlet where you can completely remove yourself from work.
Try to be organized.
It really will make you feel better about yourself if you aren’t forgetting deadlines, brushing off your laundry for two weeks, and forgetting to call your grandma on her birthday. Keep a planner and actually use it.
Live outside of your phone.
Recording your favorite song at a concert or taking pictures of a night out with your friends are both fine, but try to actually live in the moment as opposed to living it through your phone screen. And under no circumstances use your phone when you are out to dinner; the company you are with is almost certainly more interesting than your Instagram feed.
Do what makes you happy.
Whatever that may be. And don’t do what makes you miserable.
Everything is going to be okay.
From a 20-year-old who is simply trying to focus on taking her own advice
