Being an introvert is a struggle in the high-strung, fast paced society that we live in that never ever sleeps, and extroverted tendencies are typically expected no matter the situation; social, professional, personal. However, as an introvert, I am a person who craves alone time over social settings or large groups above three people. Stillness and quiet is fun and relaxing to me, rather than loud and talkative get togethers, because loud noises are just a perfect concoction for anxiety, stress, and a headache. As an introvert, I forever feel torn between participating in the social parts of life, because I know I should, the small part of me deep down that wants to, and the desired and fervent need to always have some chill time with just myself and my favorite introvert activities. I am usually one of the few introverts in the social and friend groups that I have, but everyone needs an introvert friend and companion; we are pretty cool and complete the social yin and yang balance. Not all introverts are the same, but we all have a few qualities in common that link us together. Here is a list of some of the characteristics that make us introverts who we are and some of the tendencies that we lean towards in everyday life.
1. Silence over noise.
In social settings, introverts get a “high” from being alone or in small groups because that is all we can handle most of the time. Too much activity and sources of noise cause our brains to curl up in a corner because we can’t tap in to all of the facets of extroversion at one time. That is why we are also great listeners and advice givers. We observe way more than we participate.
2. Your social involvement with others fluctuates.
Often times, you find yourself hanging out with different groups of people off and on when you are not going solo on your introvert escapades. You don’t always have just one big go-to group of people that you are constantly with because you have multiple friends that you hang out with on a random rotation. You are the type of friend that doesn’t need to be in constant contact with people to remain besties. The title of chillest and easiest friend ever goes to us introverts.
3. Need for control.
This ties into wanting alone time and typically shying away from social gatherings. Larger groups are unpredictable and hard to control if things go South. As an introvert, you always have a want to control your surroundings, which is incredibly easy when you are alone but not so much so when you are around others. This can create feelings of uneasiness or anxiety to the point where you are on guard or playing the “mom” role.
4. Social anxiety.
Big groups, loud parties, and crowds in public makes you low-key panic. You do not always know how to go with the flow in these situations and you end up standing awkwardly, waiting for something detrimental to happen. Okay, that may be a little dramatic, but these feelings are completely valid and accurate for an introvert.
5. Atmosphere is really important.
Wanting to be in control translates into the space around you when you are alone. Your atmosphere needs to feel a certain way for it to actually be comforting and relaxing. It cannot be pell-mell and hither-and-yon and still be an introvert safe haven. If that means candles, twinkle lights, a killer Spotify playlist, your most coveted collection of poetry, and your favorite snacks, then that is what it has to be. It is a mandatory date with yourself and it needs to look and feel perfect.
6. Small talk makes your brain scream.
Starting up conversations is not always your strong point (but we are always working on it). So when we must engage in small talk about the weather or the new Starbucks flavor of the month, it can get a little strained. If you are going to have a conversation as an introvert or with an introvert, you want it to be deep, philosophical, or meaningful to more than just the moment. Depth matters.
7. When in a social setting, you get distracted by all of the activity and movement.
When you are in a larger group or social setting, you do not always know who or what conversation to focus on or join in. It becomes a social tennis match. The desire to want everyone to feel included and the innumerable amount of sounds and movements stretches you in a million different directions.
8. Relaxation and chill time is not just a want, it is a need.
As an introvert, I need this time. At the end of the week or a long day, my go to cure for stress or feeling overwhelmed is to be alone and having quiet time, not a fun group of friends. It's terrible, I know. Introverts need different things to decompress and feel calm, and being alone is a need that is much higher than normal.
9. You hate phone calls.
Okay, who doesn’t? But for introverts, phone calls are especially terrible and awkward. We dread them.
10. Attention to minor and unimportant details comes naturally.
Introverts tend to be very observant because we are so reserved and watchful of all that is around us when we are with others. This is both a blessing and a curse because it can prove to be incredibly distracting from the actual conversation going on in front of you.
11. “You’re an old soul.”
I have been told this since I was maybe seven. I have been a grandma all of my life. Introverts can often come across as mature for their age, wise, responsible, and calculating that is not always normal for the younger years. This is just due to every other characteristic named thus far. It all adds up to make us old souled and great in conversations with adults. Bonus points.
12. You often times participate in artistic hobbies or activities.
Introverts often naturally participate in activities that involve very few or singular people. Whether this be music, reading, writing, drawing, or painting, the introvert activity options are endless. I love to read, write, and listen to music and each activity is best done alone. Coincidence? I think not.
13. Talking to yourself, whether in your head or out loud, is totally normal.
So guilty, but we have all done it, not just introverts.
14. You are a planner.
My calendar and planner is like a second Bible to me. I. Must. Have. It. Or I will literally die. Literally will die. It goes back to the control aspect that introverts are so latched on to. Preparation is necessary if social or professional events or meetings are coming up. We don’t like to just "wing it."
15. You still like being social, just in small and controlled doses.
Being an introvert can prove to be inconvenient in many situations, but without introverts, the world would never get one ounce of peace or calm. We are the constant reminder that it is okay to take a minute by yourself and stillness is not always a bad thing. Be proud of who you are, my fellow introverts! We can reclusively rule the world.
