Ahhh Super Bowl 50 has and come and gone, marking the end to another great football season. Now I, like many other slightly alcoholic males, will be twiddling our thumbs until August when preseason football starts again.
This year’s Super Bowl was difficult for me to watch unlike past years. My beloved New England Patriots were not in it, and I couldn’t decide who I wanted to see lose more. Cam Newton, the best college football player money could buy, or Peyton Manning, whose forehead continues to grow every passing season. So this year, instead of getting wrapped up in the game, I decided to casually watch it and enjoy the commercials.
Super Bowl commercials have always been a rite of passage. Whether it has been to launch a new car, sell some more Bud Light’s or have babies sell you stock trading websites, Super Bowl commercials go above and beyond what a normal 30-second TV spot should. As it should, considering this year CBS charged $5 million for a 30-second TV spot. So for that, let see how the corporate suits of world did this year.
Audi’s Retired Astronaut
Audi/VW have done pretty well in the past with Super Bowl ads. When the company launched the R8 a few years ago, they recanted a scene out of The Godfather. A few years later, they followed it up with a Green Police, government utopia commercial, advertising Audi TDI clean diesel. Oh the irony now. And who could forget the little kid thinking he is Darth Vader and using The Force, which by the way is real, to start the car. This year Audi is using a depressed, retired astronaut, who is sad and miserable and the only thing on Earth that comes is the new R8. Honestly, as cool as the car is, I can’t help but think this is probably a very accurate description of former astronauts as they return to planet earth. They probably have the need for speed on earth and the Audi is the only thing that comes close. Wow, I'm depressed now.
Bud Light with Seth Rogan and Amy Schumer
After a few weeks of teasers and featuring top comedians Seth Rogan and Amy Schumer, you would think Bud Light’s “Bud Light Party” commercial would be good or at least funny. Sadly it was neither. The best thing about it was that Seth Rogan quoted the speech from the movie “Independence Day." To be honest, this commercial really did suck, and for the amount of money that Bud Light invested, it should have been better. But this proves what can be a problem with Super Bowl commercials. You can have some of the biggest stars, and on paper a funny concept. But in reality, it usually falls flat on its face. Which is what happened here.
Hyundai’s “Ryanville”
Ok so Hyundai got Ryan Reynolds to be in their ad. A car driving through a whole town filled with Ryan Reynolds can be distracting, so this car will help you. The only thought I got from this commercial is that, I truly think there is a town somewhere that is filled with Ryan Reynolds. I believe it. Is that truly outside the realm of possibility?
Pokémon
Pokémon. Pokémon! Like Pokémon!!! I didn’t even know Pokémon was still around, let alone they had enough money to afford a Super Bowl commercial. Hell Pikachu was even in it. Anyway the commercial was really odd and flat out strange. Just like Pokémon after they expanded the series beyond the original 151 of them. I honestly think if they wanted to advertise Pokémon they should have just shown the original commercial featuring Red vs Blue and a Gameboy Color. I would buy that in a heartbeat. Why? Because that game was hard and awesome. And it took you15 hours to complete. Always choose Squirtle, always.
Doritos Ultrasound Baby
For many this commercial won the night. It had everything a good Super Bowl commercial should have. A good sense of humor and a good laugh at the end. For me, it was simply the best on a down year. By the way, if my kid if chasing Doritos while he is in the womb, I think I will have bigger problems on my hands like my baby is addicted to junk food. The only think a baby should be addicted to is milk. That is why everyone loves boobs when you are born, they are the first thing you attach yourself to.
Independence Day
Even though it is a movie trailer, I don’t care. Yes! So what if Will Smith isn’t in the movie. Who cares? A pregame flyover, with an alien dogfight, sign me up. I am so in on this movie, you have no idea. All I can say is this, President Whitmore better give another great speech. I can’t wait to see us whip E.T.’s butt again.
Toyota “Prius 4”
Literally the least believable commercial of the night. Not that Prius would be used as a getaway car because we all know that is load of crap. No, what isn’t believable is that the police would be that aggressive during a police chase. Have you seen the show 'Worlds Wildest Police Videos?', only in America can we make a TV show about crazy police chases that usually end in some sort of accident. The car really should have had a ‘Bernie 2016’ bumper sticker, that would have made the commercial more believable.
Heinz Hot Dog
I have to be honest on this one. I hated it. Yes, the little kid as a ketchup packet was cute, but other than that I really didn’t care for this commercial. First off with the dogs wrapped up in the buns, to me at least, they were saying eat dog. I know that wasn’t true, but still.
Secondly, if you put ketchup on your hotdog, chances are that I really don’t care for you as a person, and you are the reason our country is on the path that it is on, and the reason we have a reality TV personality running for president. Yes, the reason Donald Trump is running for president is because people put ketchup on hotdogs. So let’s make America great again, #banketchupondogs