On a Friday night at 2AM, I stared at the pitch black sky with small specks of brightness, the stars. My mind flooded back the negative emotions of anger, resentment, and frustration towards the both of you two. All I could feel was this pit feeling in my stomach and my chest aching with a burning fire of rage. Whenever I looked at the stars, they shined so brightly and greatly, all while not allowing the dark sky to consume their glow. That's when I realized it all. Sixteen years have passed with nothing but me being in a constant state of fear and anxiety, the two of you policing my body, creating insecurities of my physical appearance, comparing me to my peers, and victim blaming. Regardless of the nights with tears streaming down my face, I still survived and got through it all. Just like how the sky attempts to consume the stars and their ability to shine greatly yet fails everyday and every night. I finally came to the realization that I will not and will never let the two of you win. I refuse to give up hope that I will one day reach my fullest potential and be happy without you two. One day, I'm going to leave, never come back, and let our bridge set on fire as I cross to the other side. The stars never gave up, therefore, I won't either. Looking up at the stars brought a thought into my head that I'm greater than the fear, anxiety, and trauma. I'll forever hold onto to the hope life will get better and the best part of all is that I will one day live my life without you in it. The happiness I feel at the thought is unexplainable, yet such a great feeling.

Once upon a time, you were the light of my life and joy of my soul. I still recall siting on the cold, hard cement floor of our parents backyard, blowing bubbles for an hour. Every time you got up to leave, a feeling of despair and loneliness would rush over me. Little did I know your absence would pain me a thousand times more. It's the little moments of laughing with you till my stomach hurt and smiling till my cheeks swelled up that made my life complete. The nights I don't recall of driving around Missouri City with you, while music was blasting into space. I disliked your taste in music and you'd always catch me with my earbuds. We'd laugh about it as if there was no tomorrow. Fifteen years worth of memories, happiness, and laughter that are now long lost and gone.