When I'm Off Meds I Realize How Sick My Brain Is And Just How Okay That Is

When I'm Off Meds I Realize How Sick My Brain Is And Just How Okay That Is

I'm still trying to figure myself out and I guess my brain isn't cool with that.


I'm nineteen and have always had a sick brain. That thing has just never wanted to work the right way, it's like it belongs to someone else and it refuses to work for me. Some days I manage, other days I completely lose my shit. Lately, it's totally been the latter.

I've been in therapy since I was eight and on brain pills since I was thirteen. Fun, right? The meds that I'm on now I have been on for a lovely two and a half year ride and now I have to part ways and say goodbye to one of them. When you're on brain pills you never really know how much your reality is altered until you come off of them and live in "normal" people reality. Let me say, normal people reality fucking sucks. I don't like it here and never want to visit this place.

For the past week I've been slowly saying goodbye to my blue and white lovers one by one. Each day seems to have 48 hours and nine million more thoughts than usual. I have cried more in the past week than I did the first time I watched "Marley & Me." I cried during the wedding scene in "Twilight" because I was with my girlfriend and wanted to have that with her but then got paranoid that she'd leave me and I'd never have that with her. I've walked every single inch of my room. I've eaten two meals a day and slept maybe five hours each night. I've also played about 50 to 60 games if not more of solitaire each day because it's the only thing that gets my mind to stop.

So. What the fuck do I do? I can't even go to the doctor today because my doctor isn't there. Every sound is ten times louder than normal and so is every thought. I can't take it anymore. I guess this is my letter of telling myself to survive and that it's going to be okay? It is going to be okay? Right? Everyone says it will be. I say that I'm okay but am I?

My brain is sick. Really sick. It has been for a really long time. Reality hit this time, your version not mine. My altered reality is gone right now and I'm running trying to get it back. I'll keep running until I find it again but right now I need you to know that your reality is much different then mine. I'm living in your world now. I'm sick and that's okay because you're so healthy. You've lived here before but I just moved in. I just moved in and I don't now where to go. I'll figure it out soon and sooner I'll move back out.

My brain is sick and that's okay, I guess. You just have to know that you and I aren't compatible living together unless we are separated by a bubble. It's going to be back soon. It's okay if your brain is sick too.

Popular Right Now

These Are 4 Proven Ways That Vaccines Cause Autism

Stock up on those essential oils.


Let's just start with the first (and main) point.

1. They don't.

Susan in your anti-vax group is not a scholarly source (despite her hours and hours of Google research).

2. But in case you still believe Susan...

Maybe you'll believe Autism Speaks who says, "Scientists have conducted extensive research over the last two decades to determine whether there is any link between childhood vaccinations and autism. The results of this research is clear: Vaccines do not cause autism."

3. And if Autism Speaks still didn't convince you...

Feel free to take a look at this comprehensive list of studies that all say that there is no relationship between vaccines such as the MMR vaccination and the development of autism.

4. But here's what you should know...

There have been a few studies lately that have shown that autism develops in utero aka before a baby is even born AND before a baby can even receive vaccinations.

Vaccinations have prevented COUNTLESS deaths and illnesses. Vaccination rates are continuing to fall and do you know what that means? Measles will make its way back. Whooping cough will come back. Rubella, mumps, and polio will come back and there will be no way to stop it.

So, now that you know that vaccines do not cause autism, you're welcome to go tell Susan from your anti-vax group that as well as tell her that the Earth isn't flat. But, don't forget to mention it to her that her essential oils and organic foods are not keeping her children safe from the measles or tuberculosis.

Vaccinate your children. And, besides, even IF vaccinations caused autism, wouldn't you rather have a child with a developmental disorder rather than a child who died from the measles?

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Being Sick In College Is A Real Struggle

Being sick in college is definitely not as fun as having a sick day in middle school or high school.


Something that I have had to deal with multiple times these past two semesters is being sick while in school. It can be a real pain especially depending on what type of sickness it is. I have had tonsillitis, mono, and I'm pretty sure I also had the flu.

Being at school and away from home can make being sick worse because there is nobody to take of you such as your parents. Another thing is having to make the decision to get the rest that your body needs in order to feel better or staying on top of your assignments to avoid falling behind. My parents will always tell me to get a good night's sleep so my body can feel better the next day. However, sometimes I will feel more stress if my work isn't getting done and I feel like I'm falling behind and leaving things to get done in the last minute.

Currently, I am sick now and the past few days haven't been easy, but I still attended all my classes so I wouldn't miss any material or assignments that were given. I usually end up feeling the worst at night when trying to fall asleep, and by that time the doctors are not present at the student health center. Even though my health is important I usually don't like taking too much time out of my day to go to the health center to see a doctor. Some days I don't really have much free time before the evening.

I don't believe I have been over-exerting myself, but I don't want to just stay in my bed all day and sleep, even though that may be what is best for me. Most professors will be understanding if I email them and provide them a doctor's note as well, but I also just got back from a conference where I had to miss two days of classes next week.

I have been trying to keep hydrated so that way my body can fight the sickness. Also, I have been told if you stay hydrated you can flush the virus out of your body quicker.

Eating can also be a pain when you have a sore throat, for the past couple of days I have tried to have some soup in order to help. Most meals I would have to force myself to eat something of substance in order to give my body some type of energy in order to get through the day. It's also never fun not being able to breathe out of your nostrils. If it wasn't my nose being stuffed, then it would be constantly runny so there was no winning that battle.

Looking back, I probably should have done a bit more work over spring break in order to get ahead in the case that something like this would happen. I wanted my break to be exactly that, a break. After not being home for a few months I just wanted some time off to relax.

Related Content

Facebook Comments