Changes: In The Mind Of The Mentally Ill
Life Stages

Changes: In The Mind Of The Mentally Ill

Will it ever stop?


Everything seems to be changing, school is beginning, Greek life is booming, and the inevitable anxiety over change rises up inside of me. I am thrilled to continue furthering my education, something that I thought I could not do because of my panic attacks and frequent episodes set me back so far, but I am.

This does scare me however because I fear I may mess up again, you see being left alone for just an hour can send my brain into overdrive, into sheer panic and next thing I know I'm running across town to get to my safety net all whilst hyperventilating and trying not to become more anxious over what people think of me in this state. I shift between the thrill of trying new things and making new friends (something I have always struggled with) and being downright distraught over my next move.

I worry about things that are not even in the foreseeable future, things I have really no business worrying about quite yet, but I still do. I am begging to be released from this hell, hoping that there is an end to this madness because I am exhausted. I no longer enjoy the things that once brought me solace, they have come to be mere distractions. All these changes have me lashing out at those I love and I want them to know that I truly am sorry. I do my best to help myself, I do my best not to run away and ruin the only good things in my life.

I long to have people understand me and to help me get through this but the truth is I am not sure if anyone wants to spend their Friday night holding me until I can breathe again or sitting with me for ten hours straight to make sure my mood does not change at the drop of a hat, frankly I know it's exhausting to have people in your life that need you that much but I simply do. I love my friends that I do have, and I would love to make more but it seems that the more and more I am open about my reality the grimmer the prospect of new friendships become. I hope that my vulnerability can somehow help me out someday but for now, this is my struggle and mine alone.

I do hope it gets better but as I always say, we shall see. I am so sorry if I cannot come out of this if the changes are too much if you end up sinking with me. I am wishing for better days, even though they may never come. My mind is dark and twisted and it proves more and more dangerous as time goes on, I am running out of options but change is inevitable so please if you can, be a friend. Not only to me but to everyone because you never really know until you walk a mile in their shoes.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Politics and Activism

4 Ways The Plan To Deport International Students Is Dumb, According To An Exchange Student

The whole policy isn't very stay-in-place, if you ask me.

Wikimedia Commons

On Monday, July 6, new federal guidelines were announced that do not allow international students to remain in the U.S. unless they are taking classes in person. Which, if you ask me, is stupid.

Keep Reading... Show less

Naya Rivera Is Missing, And She Deserves SO Much More Than Being Labeled 'Big Sean's' Ex'

We are all sending prayers to Naya Rivera hoping she finds them so we can find her.

I woke up this morning looking to find Naya Rivera's name trending No. 1 on Twitter. I was reading all of everyone's prayers wishing to find her so she can be reunited with her baby boy who is only 4 years old.

Naya's son's name is Lord and the entire collective is hoping the Lord is with him right now. I'm a firm believer in the Fear of God, I hope all of Naya's love is protecting Lord right now.

Keep Reading... Show less

With the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic still surging in the United States, where we are averaging 50,000 cases daily, wearing a face mask has become even more important. Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's top infectious disease expert, has stressed the importance of wearing a mask and is pleading Americans to take notice of the "disturbing" rise in cases. It would be common sense to listen to him, considering we are dealing with a virus that has a mortality rate higher than what we have seen with other viruses.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's your fairy sex godmother back at it again and here to tell you that masturbating is an essential need, just like toilet paper.

It comes with so many benefits, besides cumming. According to the New York City Health Department, "you are your safest sex partner" during a pandemic, so why not use the best toys to get the job done? Shopping for the best fit can be tricky because there are a few factors to consider — whether it's the price point, experience, sound, and more.

Keep Reading... Show less

These 3 Smoothies Totally Cleared My Acne-Prone And Scarred Skin

How I drank my way to flawless skin.

With this summer being the first of its kind for most people to be in the midst of a global pandemic, almost everyone is beginning to have an overall focus on improving their health.

Keep Reading... Show less

Everyone remembers the first time they went to one of the Disney parks. Spinning in teacups and having Goofy wrap his arms around my 8-year-old self were some of my fondest childhood memories, and I'm surely not alone in that.

Keep Reading... Show less

These Superfood Beauty Products Show Kale And Matcha Work For SO Much More Than We Thought

Just another summer's day with a cold glass of kombucha on my face.

I've been vegan for about six years now, so a love for fresh vegetables and superfoods has now become a core part of my being. Don't get me wrong. I love my indulgent, creamy pastas and truffle fries more than anyone. But I keep most of my focus on eating clean and healthy so I can indulge guilt-free.

But I'd say about a large part of my diet has always, unknowingly, included superfoods. Being Indian, lentils, beetroot, garlic, ginger, and whole grains have been core essentials on the family dinner table since I could digest solid foods.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments