Love is dangerous because love is blinding. You think you are the strongest person in the world- until you realize that love has literally poisoned your brain into becoming weak within a relationship.
Unfortunately, these realizations for the actual individual suffering always happen after the fact. Although during the relationship, one can guarantee that friends, family, and the loved ones in your life, see it even when they don't. This is why we have expressions like "weak at the knees" and "head over heels;" because you are continuously tripping over the other person's control. I have noticed that sometimes shit has to completely hit the fan before change finally occurs.
We have all been here before… and if you have yet to experience this, sadly, it is completely likely that you soon will too.
Everything is so beyond perfect at the beginning. It starts off so lighthearted and uplifting. You have absolutely no idea how you have gotten so lucky. It happens so fast and when you are least expecting it. It almost feels like it's too good to be true… until it literally is.
My senior year of high school, I got into a relationship when I felt lost and alone.
Something drew me to him- he was mysterious and brilliant. I liked that he was also facing tremendous adversity within his own life. We quickly hit it off and dove head first into a relationship, as many young and naïve people do. It was passionate and intense, everything I thought I had always wanted.
I cannot pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong, because there were so many things leading up to the fact. I overlooked all the red flags throughout the entirety of the relationship because I was so blinded by what I assumed to be love. I shoved my relationship down other people's throats and on social media to try to convince everyone, including myself, how happy I was with my relationship. Truth is, I was absolutely miserable.
The mental, emotional, and sometimes even physical abuse, compulsive lies, manipulation, shaming, and so much more became completely out of hand.
I am hard-headed and stubborn; I like to finish what I start. I worked so hard to mend what was too broken to be fixed because I wanted so badly to just get back to the way things were at the beginning. But that is the problem, it was never enough because it was to a point of no recovery.
"I love you" and "I'm sorry" weren't enough anymore. It was a downward spiral until I was finally able to wake up.
I realized that we were never going to be able to get back to that place and I no longer wanted to. I knew I had to stand up for myself.
It was never love at all. It was lust and I was in love with the idea of having someone and being in a relationship. I saw him "come to my rescue" and guide me when I was lost, but instead, he dug me ever deeper down and into a dark place where I knew of no recovery.
Thankfully, I was able to get out of that place- once I fell back in love with myself. But it took hell and back to do that because once you are that invested it another individual, it is merely impossible to cut ties and set yourself free of the toxicity.
I understand that relationships are not always easy, but they also shouldn't be so hard. It is completely normal to have arguments, fights, rough patches, etc… but only to a certain extent.
Once the cons start outweighing the pros, pay attention to that. Notice any signs of red flags and/or manipulation. Listen to the thoughts and feelings of loved ones in your life and the people that know you best because, believe it or not, they will notice changes within your soul that you do not see.
Never lose sight of yourself nor compromise your own happiness in order to please someone else. This also does not only have to apply to romantic relationships. If you see someone causing a negative effect on your overall life, it may be time to let them go- for your own sake! Love and respect yourself enough to know when to walk away. It is okay to be selfish and take care of yourself.
You cannot fully give love to others until you are loving yourself first.
