In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is
Start writing a post

In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is

I now know this is the year I learned most about love and I never have to question if that exists ever again.

In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is

Over the summer my confidence and self-worth grew quite a bit until I made my way back to school. I began feeling not good enough and unworthy of the love and friendships I had been aspiring for.

In the month of September, my school had a motivational speaker come and present to other student leaders and me about creating a vision for our future. We had to write down the characteristics of our current reality and then visualize what we wanted to see in the future.

In that present day, I wrote that I had a mostly happy life.

I had a great life despite how I always felt like I deserved more. I always felt like people did not treat me the way I needed to be treated.

As I began thinking about what I wanted to see in my future, I listed in my phone some of the basics. Of course, I want a happy life, a family and a career that makes me feel worthwhile. EVERYONE wants those things.

The speaker then asked us that if we could create any life for ourselves with no limitations then what would it look like? I wrote a lot about growing personally and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I wrote a bit about the job opportunities I aspire to have someday. Then, I got to the relationship portion.

In that current reality, I was hurting.

I wrote, "I want to be with someone who loves me properly. Someone I never have to worry that they love me the way I love them. I want my family to be the focal point of my life and to have very close friends surround me when I begin to create a family of my own. I want friends who will be there for me as much as I am there for them. I want friends who do not drag me down but who lift me back up."

Now, of course, these goals seem plausible but during those times it felt unbelievable. Now that four months have passed I have learned that those sort of relationships, that sort of love, I should not have been searching for. It should have already been there.

See, the motivational speaker did not change my life. To be honest, I did not think about it until months later when I stumbled across the notes section on my phone.

In the year before the speaker showed up, I kept getting into relationships that didn't fulfill me. I kept pursuing friendships that didn't deserve me. Somehow, after the speaker showed up, whether it was consciously or subconsciously I changed.

It is important that when you notice that there is toxicity in your life to remove it. It is important that when you find someone who makes you feel like you found the love you have always envisioned for yourself, you treasure it.

Breakups are a simple part of life — an ending and a beginning. After some disappointing experiences dating was terrifying for me, but then I found myself move on from a casual, fragile relationship into a serious relationship that is not full of stress, insecurities or heartbreak.

Friendships you think last forever, but they don't.

The year has been a struggle. It has not been easy for me on all personal levels.

However, the pain of losing very important people including myself has made the love I feel now all worth it. These friendships and relationships I have now created or built have given me the vision I aspired for, four months ago.

I no longer question if I am worthy. I no longer question if I am ever going to find someone who loves me properly. I no longer question if I am the one who is a bad friend.

I now know this is the year I learned most about love and I never have to question if that exists ever again.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

To My Fellow Girls With Resting B**** Face

A letter to my friends with RBF about understanding your own face and helping others deal with it.

Jupe du Jour

To the girl with resting b**** face:

Keep Reading... Show less

The Boyfriends Of The 2000s

Thank you, J14, for the Posters

J14 magazine

Every girl remembers her first crush. Even if your first crush was the boy in your kindergarten class that ate crayons, your first true love will always be the one that holds the key to your heart. Growing up in the 2000s, everyone knew who your dream guy was. Your family probably still give you grief and your best friends probably still reminisce, so it is impossible to forget your first celebrity crush. You bought a Tiger Beat magazine every chance you could just to read up about what your favorite celebrity was doing. Your room was fully decorated with posters of them, and it wasn't unusual to have fights with your best friends over who was going to marry him. If you were a 90's baby, lucky you because the 2000s were full of boys that were easy to love. I hope you enjoy a walk down memory lane and quickly realize that Bieber was definitely not the first guy with that hair cut. Here are 15 90's baby's first boyfriends.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

20 Things I Learned By The Start of My 20s

No one expects you to have your life together by the time you're 20, because honestly, they didn't either.

Allyson Foutty

We are all often faced with many life challenges throughout the time leading up to our 20s. Before this time, and throughout it, we often look back at the things we've learned and how they've influenced who we are as people today. Some of my biggest influences were some of the challenges I've faced, but they've taught me 20 important things by the start of my 20s.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Boyfriend Recipe

The ingredients to build a relationship are a little more complicated than just a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy.


Relationships. Long distance or not, significant others are much more than just that. I would be lying if I said I did not love the sweet gestures that only a boyfriend can give. The flowers, funny phone calls, hand holding, breakfast dates, and tight hugs are special but my relationship and many others out there exist on much more than just these little gestures. It is a tricky concoction that consists of one part boyfriend and two parts best friend and would not work without one part or the other. While having a relationship may not be quite as easy as baking a batch of cookies, it has its own recipe (with a few variations for flavor) to follow for a good match.

Keep Reading... Show less
google images

Fashion just keeps growing and changing and old trends are made new! Now, I'm no beauty guru, just a beauty guru wannabe, but personally I have compiled some stylish wardrobe must haves! These can be cute assets to go back to school or just to catch up on some of the latest trends...

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments