In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is
Start writing a post

In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is

I now know this is the year I learned most about love and I never have to question if that exists ever again.

In 4 Months, I Learned What Love ACTUALLY Is

Over the summer my confidence and self-worth grew quite a bit until I made my way back to school. I began feeling not good enough and unworthy of the love and friendships I had been aspiring for.

In the month of September, my school had a motivational speaker come and present to other student leaders and me about creating a vision for our future. We had to write down the characteristics of our current reality and then visualize what we wanted to see in the future.

In that present day, I wrote that I had a mostly happy life.

I had a great life despite how I always felt like I deserved more. I always felt like people did not treat me the way I needed to be treated.

As I began thinking about what I wanted to see in my future, I listed in my phone some of the basics. Of course, I want a happy life, a family and a career that makes me feel worthwhile. EVERYONE wants those things.

The speaker then asked us that if we could create any life for ourselves with no limitations then what would it look like? I wrote a lot about growing personally and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I wrote a bit about the job opportunities I aspire to have someday. Then, I got to the relationship portion.

In that current reality, I was hurting.

I wrote, "I want to be with someone who loves me properly. Someone I never have to worry that they love me the way I love them. I want my family to be the focal point of my life and to have very close friends surround me when I begin to create a family of my own. I want friends who will be there for me as much as I am there for them. I want friends who do not drag me down but who lift me back up."

Now, of course, these goals seem plausible but during those times it felt unbelievable. Now that four months have passed I have learned that those sort of relationships, that sort of love, I should not have been searching for. It should have already been there.

See, the motivational speaker did not change my life. To be honest, I did not think about it until months later when I stumbled across the notes section on my phone.

In the year before the speaker showed up, I kept getting into relationships that didn't fulfill me. I kept pursuing friendships that didn't deserve me. Somehow, after the speaker showed up, whether it was consciously or subconsciously I changed.

It is important that when you notice that there is toxicity in your life to remove it. It is important that when you find someone who makes you feel like you found the love you have always envisioned for yourself, you treasure it.

Breakups are a simple part of life — an ending and a beginning. After some disappointing experiences dating was terrifying for me, but then I found myself move on from a casual, fragile relationship into a serious relationship that is not full of stress, insecurities or heartbreak.

Friendships you think last forever, but they don't.

The year has been a struggle. It has not been easy for me on all personal levels.

However, the pain of losing very important people including myself has made the love I feel now all worth it. These friendships and relationships I have now created or built have given me the vision I aspired for, four months ago.

I no longer question if I am worthy. I no longer question if I am ever going to find someone who loves me properly. I no longer question if I am the one who is a bad friend.

I now know this is the year I learned most about love and I never have to question if that exists ever again.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments