Relationship Advice On Balance
Start writing a post

Welcome back to another edition of Just the Tips! As always, if you're looking for advice, a second opinion, or a place to vent, don't forget you can ask us a question any time here. This week's article is all about how to find balance in your relationship.


1. How do you know if you're doing too much for someone?

Cass: You have to seriously ask yourself this question in any relationship, friendly or otherwise. You don't really ever stop and think how much you're doing for someone because it tends to be balanced. Also, relationships are typically given and take so if you're the one always giving then it's a little problematic as this relationship doesn't have both parties equally invested. If you're feeling like it's always you who has to go help someone or initiate conversation with nothing in return then maybe you're doing too much for someone. If you're fine with that, then great! If not, don't feel bad about scaling back what you do for this person.

Angie: I have a personal story for this one. I was in a long-term relationship with someone who was used to me taking care of him. It got to the point where he'd be upset if I didn't text him back within 10 minutes. For me, THAT was too much, and I didn't understand that until I realized that I didn't feel good after talking to him. Talking to him became a chore instead of something exciting or enjoyable.

When you're in a relationship, you need a balance between your partner and the rest of your life. If you find your partner is imposing on the time you spend doing things that are important to you, you're doing too much. If the relationship starts to feel less enjoyable and more like a job, you're doing too much. Realizing that takes some serious introspection, so take a little bit of time to figure out how YOU'RE feeling without letting your partner's needs or your obligation to them sway you. If you find you are doing too much, like Cass said, don't feel bad taking a step back.

2. How do I tell my partner that I just want to be alone in my bed without seeing anyone sometimes without hurting their feelings?

C: I know this is a serious question but honestly my best advice is to just tell your partner you need alone time and need time to recharge by yourself. They'll understand that this is a personal thing that you need for your mental health instead of seeing it as a fault within them. If they do see it as you don't want to spend time with them then your partner and you need to have a deeper conversation about boundaries. It's good to spend with your partner but sometimes it's even better to spend time alone. If you're an introvert like me then the alone time that you get is super important for mental health and maintaining a happy energy in your life.

A: If this upsets them, try asking why. There might be another problem causing them to feel this way. To make sure they don't feel abandoned, try setting up the next time you'll spend time with them by offering to hang out when you think you'll feel recharged—even if that's on another day. Taking time for yourself is important, but making sure your partner feels appreciated is important as well, and finding that balance can be tough. Good luck!

3. How do you find someone who will treat you right?

A: You need to find a person you don't feel the need to change. Looking to change a partner's hobbies and habits to accommodate your desires can also create rifts in a relationship fast. As with everything, there's a balance here, but if you're still looking for a long-term boo, try to find someone with interests and needs that line up with yours.

Another key part of this is being open and honest about what you want from the beginning. If you're looking for something long term, don't tell them you're looking for a casual relationship. This will only open the door to miscommunication and heartbreak and leave one of you feeling deceived—which definitely isn't being treated right. Know what you're looking for and find a partner who wants something similar.

C: As Angie said, be open about what you want and don't try to change someone. A big thing about finding someone who will treat you right is finding someone you also treat right. If you're constantly berating them or looking to "fix them" then you're not treating them the right way, so why should they do the same? Also, communicate what you want out of a relationship. You might think the other person is "playing games" but in actuality, you just have different ideas of how serious this relationship is. Nothing good will come of only one party thinking this summer fling is the real thing. So be open and candid about what you're looking for in a potential relationship and hopefully you'll find someone who is looking for those same things.

Do you have a question about relationships? Is there something you've always wanted to know but are a little embarrassed to ask? Have some feedback? We're always ready to answer—follow this link to send us your questions!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

In an already unprecedented political landscape, things aren't looking so bright for mail-in voters heading into November's election. In 46 states and Washington D.C., post offices received a warning that mail-in ballots may not be counted on time to count on election day, according to a report by the Washington Post.

Keep Reading... Show less
FOX

"New Girl" is one of the best sitcoms of all time. Honestly, it is so much fun to watch, so much fun to relate to, just all around a great show.

Not only is a great show, it has so many different great settings, obviously including the loft. If you live by Nick Miller quotes and desperately tried to learn how to play "True American," you need to buy these things because you are a true "New Girl" fan.

Keep Reading... Show less

You know those items you've been pinning to your Home board on Pinterest for [insert amount of time]? Well, it's officially the moment to turn that wishlist into a married life reality, and it's going to be SO fun.

But, before you get to shopping and adding things to your upgraded bridal wishlist (sorry, Pinterest, it was lovely while it lasted), you'll first want to decide where you want to open your registry (or registries, if you want options). Here are 17 of the best websites and stores to consider saying "I do" to for your wedding registry, to have and to hold for as long as people are buying you wedding gifts.

Keep Reading... Show less

If you've ever been in the dating game, or currently are, chances are you've had a date gone wrong. These are often times super embarrassing, but they are always funny to look back on.

Keep Reading... Show less

I just recently got engaged and planning a wedding during a pandemic is actually kind of a nightmare.

A lot of venues are taken for 2021 because of corona brides and grooms who have had to reschedule their weddings and the same goes for other vendors and literally everything else.

Keep Reading... Show less

While promoting her most recent movie, "Work It," Sabrina Carpenter has divulged some of her favorite beauty products to interviewers.

Keep Reading... Show less

When I say we can't stop thinking about the relationship advice Miley Cyrus dropped on "Call Her Daddy" today, I mean it literally.

Her truth bombs hit me (and most who listened) like a wrecking ball and coupled with the release of her new song "Midnight Sky," we're going to need some time to process the greatness. In case you haven't listened yet (what are you waiting for?), here are 10 relationship tips Miley shared that we should all live by for the rest of time.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Founders Of Color: Rec Room's Dre Taylor On What Blackness Can Look Like And Not Working For Free

"It mattered to me that when we were depicting racial diversity for Rec Room, we showed the broad spectrum of what Blackness can look like."

Rec Room

The world of sustainable fashion is inundated with marketing gimmicks, false advertising, and large corporations cutting corners — Rec Room is the pure antithesis of that.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 At-Home Therapy Tips You Need, No Matter What Your Therapy Routine Is

Whether you're in a Zoom session or live-chatting, make sure your home therapy space is good to go.

No matter what stigmas you held about therapy before this year, I'm sure 2020 has affirmed that we could ALL use a nice long therapy session. Between wildfires that took over an entire continent, a global health crisis, and what's sure to be one giant circus of an election in the United States, we need help and we need it now.

The fact of the matter is, therapy has been a helpful, valid resource long before the world decided to become one giant dumpster fire. Having a safe space to discuss what's going on in your life, worries you have, and struggles you're facing has become a very normal thing for individuals' mental health.

Keep Reading... Show less

Dunkin' just announced that they'll be releasing their fall menu earlier than ever — set to debut on August 19 — and that it'll include new menu options this season, including a new signature pumpkin spice latte. Let me just say, Starbucks has some fall-menu competition now.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments