Let me start off with my usual personal disclaimer. I'm not trying to endorse easily giving up on anyone, whether it's a friend or a significant other. As with most things, the relevance of this kind of advice is highly dependent on the nature of each individual relationship. Ultimately, you, and only you, will know what is best for your relationship. I am simply sharing my thoughts and opinions that I've developed over time from my own experiences.
Relationships can be extremely difficult to navigate. No one really teaches us what to do or how to handle certain situations. It's okay to not know what to do, we're all a little lost. At some point or another, we've all wished that we could just walk away as if that would solve all of our problems. In some cases, that may be true, but it's never quite that simple, is it? Even with a time machine allowing us to un-meet someone, we'd be facing some serious paradoxical repercussions. For half of the people in such a situation (not the paradoxical one), they choose to bite the bullet and walk away. The other half, however, gets intimidated into staying in the relationship despite its apparent toxicity.
There's something you need to understand. Giving up on a relationship does not mean you don't care enough or that you're weak. It means that you're smart enough to know when something is truly unhealthy for you and the other person involved. Sometimes, walking away is the best option and that's okay. In fact, that's great. As I've said before, we are not all meant to be with the same people throughout our lives. People grow and change and you will outgrow certain people or simply find yourselves no longer compatible. Accepting this is the first step to learning how and when to let go.
It's going to hurt. The ones that matter... hurt. Now, now, don't get all skittish and run at the slightest hint of potential pain. This is the part where you need to put on your Big Kid Pants and be strong. It's also very important that you be empathetic yet realistic about the circumstances surrounding the relationship at hand. Ask yourself important questions about whether having each other is still adding value to your lives. Go ahead and make that mental t-chart in your head about the pros and cons which, by the way, does not belittle the seriousness of the situation. T-charts are extremely helpful no matter what their topic is. Has the happiness and fulfillment you once brought each other been replaced with subtle resentment and unfulfilled expectations? Do you find yourselves making excuses for each other's behavior that you find unacceptable? Is this person doing more harm than good in your life?
If your answers are yes to any of these questions, maybe giving each other space is the best option. Walking away isn't putting a finite end to your relationship. Sometimes space is what we need to grow more independently and realize just how important someone is. That toxicity that's present can also go away over time. So maybe, for some of you, you should consider this as giving each other space rather than giving up completely. However, I also know that labeling this kind of decision as "giving space" can mean that you still try and be in each other's lives enough to continue to do more harm than good. When I advise you to give the relationship room to breathe, that still means that you should put actual distance rather than the illusion of distance.
I know how hard it can be to let someone go. We get so caught up in thinking about the good times that we fool ourselves enough to ignore the fact that what was true in the past is no longer our reality. We fear conflict, we fear losing someone we care about, we fear hurting others and ourselves. We fear being alone. I get it, I really do. I've been there and still find myself in that place sometimes. But, think of it this way. If you really care about the person as much as you say you do and vice versa, wouldn't you want the best for them? Why would you choose to perpetuate a cycle of not only hurting each other, but also hindering your respective abilities to grow?
So maybe walking away isn't a question of whether you don't care, but, instead, if you care enough.
