Every always says be kind. So what? It’s an old, outdated cliché. “We are born alone and die alone.” However, that’s not true in everyone's world. Everything we do has an impact on everyone we see and meet. In a way, even a passing stranger’s hand gestures or passing conversation could influence some of what we do and you could have that same impact. With friends, over time sometimes we pick up their antics or mannerisms. We’ve all had passing thoughts on someone and it’s a shame we don’t say them. There’s a reason to being kind and sometimes it isn’t always obvious.
I’ve been helping my friends for years with various backgrounds and mental disorders and it isn’t easy. In fact, many days you wonder how they do it. It sounds terrible in hindsight but you learn. You learn patience and I’m no saint, I’ll tell it like it is. I’m not going to tell you to be kind because of a religion or mantra or some soul searching journey. That’s your journey. Being kind has a very obvious answer with many layers. You have no other choice. Now before you smite me down with some logic or some searing new philosophy, do we have any other choice? You can go your whole life and be mean to every single person you know and have had a good life but all that negativity you give to others is reflective on yourself and you really won’t be happy, that’s a fact. Who can you really blame? You can’t blame that person on your dorm floor who accidentally laughed when you said something serious when they had no idea how to react or what emotion they should use. And of course, staring at another person for a few minutes churning what to do in your mind may make them uncomfortable. And you definitely can’t be mad at someone working the cafeteria who’s working “too slow” when they found out they have an illness. Why burn a bridge when you can build understanding?
I took to flight on an app called Talk Life in 7th or 8th grade to help people. After my best friend whom I met on Facebook passed after from suicide, I was sad for 3 months, I didn’t want to do anything. I’m a positive person so at the time, of course, I wanted to bounce back but I just couldn’t. Then I read on Humans of New York how a woman’s husband passed away and she kept going because her husband told her to give the love she has for him to others. So I thought why not help more people? I remember a person named Connor who committed suicide and the reality hit me. He was a smiling helpful person on that app set up like Facebook to help all ages through any issue. It hit me that the person sitting next to me could feel like that. So my journey continued.
Here’s what I learned. The boy who was bullying my friends did not know better and had zero idea of what kindness was. The quietest people have extremely loud minds if you’re willing to listen. I’ve known more males in abusive relationships than females. Sometimes the smartest people are the loneliest because they don’t have friends their age and are working on social skills but people seem to only like them for their success so they don’t bother. Sometimes the most talkative people are nonverbal. Even if you don’t know something’s triggering to someone it’s best to not bring it up. The person who looks stoned all the time might have crippling migraines. Sociopaths are humans too with a different brain structure and not always serial killers and can, in fact, be in a relationship. People with borderline personality disorder don’t like their disorder and didn’t ask to be difficult so be gentle and patient. The happiest person you see could be dealing with an eating disorder or traumatic memories and the person who forgot to do something that day and might not remember you might have memory issues or a dissociative identity but they will remember how they made you feel no matter what state they’re in. The person you think is too lazy to sharpen their pencil might have anxiety. The person who seems to not be paying attention may be on the autism spectrum and is actually tuning in more than you think or they may have schizophrenia so yes, you’ll have to repeat things, but imagine how hard it would be with 12 different voices in your head while having a conversation. And picking up that pencil for someone may save them an entire breakdown. You have no idea what anyone’s going through or gone through. So ask. Stories are a part of what makes us human and screams for connection.
Freshmen year is going to be scary, funny, and happy and every emotion we can think of. So let’s start the year kind and go our whole lives kind. I dare you to reach out to someone, anyone every single day. An act of kindness for every day, every encounter. Even when you feel upset and angry, talk about it. There are counselors and people waiting to get to know you. Tell yourself it’s okay to not always have it together or your desk 100% organized. Be scared, be happy just feel your emotions. If someone perceives you as odd, talk to them anyway. Talk to those people you think you’ll never talk to. You’ll be amazed what you learn. After all, college is all about learning and bonding. The most difficult people will give you the most reward in the end and sometimes you need to know when to let go when it’s becoming toxic and they don’t like you. So let’s make this year great. Let’s make talking about the things that really matter no longer a social taboo. Make gossip a thing of the past. We’ve all wanted to, so why not make it happen? How much more amazing will it be if we form connections and ideas? What will ever stop us but ourselves? This year, let’s bond together not just in our activities or interests but in humanity as a whole. I don’t mean just say hi to your friends. Get to know the people serving you lunch and say ‘thank you’. Simple gestures will echo like pebbles in a pond, every single one matters. If someone looks sad, sit next to them. If someone’s reading a book you like, tell them! If you want to hang out with someone, go right ahead. If you’re in the library, ask the first person you see in a red shirt who they think would make one of the best listeners on campus or who knows all the best frog hunting places. This is what we can do to make the world a better place and ourselves. I pass my knowledge onto you all because I hope to learn so much from everyone this year not just in the classroom but outside as well.
Lastly, let’s not forget introverts. Typically these articles represent only a small portion of people: extroverts. I touched on this ripple briefly. Nothing’s wrong with outgoing people and usually, people are neither extroverted or introverted rather in-between or a mix of different personality types. Do not forget them. Do not forget where you’ve come from but don’t forget the present either. Don’t forget the backstage people who made the set happen, who made the costumes and makeup happen. Don’t forget the people who built friendships simply by sitting in comfortable silence drawing or working out blueprints for the next great invention for the public or private eye. If you like someone’s drawing but don’t want to interrupt, leave a little note for them saying you like it or catch them later. And don’t just forget but compliment them if they like them. If someone you know is into music and you see a concert playing, invite them along. Make the ripple stronger. So I encourage everyone to embrace their passions and chase new ones. Don’t forget you’re a part of the community so embrace it all: yourself, professor help, counselor help, and students. Maybe you think your talent doesn’t matter or your story doesn’t matter but remember this little nugget of wisdom. If our earth is a speck of dust and us even smaller will our impact on others not echo throughout the universe? Surely those who have come and gone in our lives still echo through our footprints in the future. So why not embrace yourself and harness the power in you to be kind and unlock potential for your own success academically and inwardly as well as others around you?
