Falling in love in High School wasn't the goal; it wasn't the finale or prime reason for excelling. Falling in love in High School was probably a mistake, but a damn life changing one.
Maybe you get what I'm saying. Maybe you fell in love with the kid that sat next to you in AP English or maybe it was the kid that read comics while eating a lunchable at lunch - whomever they were (you would know better than I would), they shaped you. For a brief period of time (theroretically) they were everything. Sun, moon, stars, night, day, and every emotion between them. You probably planned some elaborate future of growing old together and doing ABC things before getting to that point. I know I did.
My they, was named Letha. She was quite literally my everything. Not only was she my best friend, my comrade, partner in crime, and confident, she was the reason I crawled out of bed sometimes (thank you depression). Note how I said 'was' - I want to clarify that the two of us did not simply drift apart... she died. On June 7th of this year marked 7 years. The difference now is that she will always be preserved as the eighteen-year-old I fell in love with, but I will continue to age.
I am slowly getting closer to the decade mark - where she again, will always be preserved as a teenager and I an adult with degrees, a partner, a full-time job, and monetary responsibilities to the government. It's sometimes hard to render these feelings because it wasn't something you simply ate a pint of ice cream and watched your favorite movie and got over. This form of grief was big - the real deal - the number 1. Yeah, she was my number 1.
I will never forget how she effortlessly made me feel like a million bucks or the way she yelled at me when she had enough. I will never forget the emptiness I felt whenever she would get sick and I had to be without her. I would never forget calling her every morning after I got out of the shower just to see if she was ok, maybe as an additional thing that made sense to why she was so loved.
That's the part about falling in love in high school. You either get some magical fantasy of love, some horrendous heart-break that is somehow remedied by your friends, or you get this - a deep loss and longing. I did - I longed for her for years. I occasionally think I hear her or smell her around - although being a human, I know that it's probably the people around me who just so happen to wear the same scents that she did.
Falling in love in High School is hard.
Falling in love always seems like the end-all to end-alls, you know? The big ONE. You think that your forever is staring you dead in the face, and sure, I am certain that there are people who fall for one another and then by some magical mystery, actually make something of that, but most certainly not all of us.
To those of you who fell in love and didn't make it - you're amazing. For whatever stopped that relationship - for whatever hurdles you had to jump in order to get through or past it, you are exceptional. If you don't think you'll love again, I promise you that you're wrong. I promise that things have a funny way of working out, and trust me - they do.
To those of you who fell in love and are still in love, I commend you. I hope you continue to flourish and blossom together. Nothing but sunshine and good vibes. Know that you're also amazing and whatever you had to do to stay together is fantastic. I am in awe of you. Never let anyone dull your sunshine.
I could go on with countless clichés, but I'll leave it at this - falling in love in high school is a pain in the ass, but it's best to have loved and learned than to not have loved at all (or however that saying goes).
