First things first, I have to admit I was angry with you. I was so angry with how you chose to handle the situation. I was angry and hurting and I didn't want to lose you; even as our relationship evolved from couple to just friends I knew I was in love with you, at least it was love for what I knew love to be at 18-19 years old.
So, of course, the thought of losing you even as my friend just hurt. I wanted to do anything and everything I could do to fix it, I wanted to apologize for things that I hadn't done just so I didn't have to lose one of the most important people in my life; I wanted to compromise so I wouldn't hurt, so I wouldn't lose you. I wanted to be able to cheer you on as you entered a new season of your life.
I wanted to hate you for what happened, I really really wanted to. I thought if I hated you I could heal. If I hated you, I felt like I would hurt less, I wouldn't have to mourn all the things, even as friends, that I thought we would have had.
Eventually, I did realize that both of us were at fault. My initial reaction when you were being honest with me was less than stellar. It only got worse from there. We were kids and we didn't know any other way to really communicate other than reacting based off of our emotions.
I wonder what kind of conversation we would have now that we are adults with more life experiences and better ways of coping than we had in high school.
In a funny way, you could say that this is my goodbye to you, officially. This is goodbye to all of the memories we could have made. This is goodbye to the way I loved you. This is goodbye to my first love. I hope you are happy because I can finally say that I am. Thank you for showing me what I truly deserve.