An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

"And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in weather and time but I never planned on you changing your mind"
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Exes get a lot of backlash in breakups. This letter is not that. This letter is not bashing my ex-boyfriend for doing what was best for him. This letter is being written for the pure reason I want to thank him for what he has done, but I am simply not strong enough to send it to him myself.

Thank you for the time we had together. In the moment, I was able to give and receive affection, have good times, and laugh at the smallest. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have memories that I can look back on and smile about. Our relationship isn't something I regret, in fact, it taught me a lot about myself. The days we spent together were some of the happiest and best days of my life. I hope you know that.

Thank you for the unforgettable experience of my hand being held in yours. Thank you for rubbing my back when it was bothering me. Thank you for taking care of me when I didn't take care of myself. You were the only person who got me to eat during finals week. You were also the only person who was able to keep me calm going into the last month of college, and that means the world to me. I have never met someone who could get me to be so comfortable so quickly. I have never slept better than with your arms around me all those nights. You never complained once when I was being a pain instead you let me realize it and then we would laugh it off. We never picked fights and when we did fight, you wouldn't run away or shut me out. You listened. You were the first person who ever gave me a chance to say what I felt and you never made me feel bad about it.

From the second I met you, I could tell that there was something about you that had me hooked, simply by the look in your eyes. I connected with you so easily and quickly that I have never connected with someone like that before. That spoke mountains to me, for me to be able to open up to you and talk to you the way I did. You were the first boy I have ever met that made me feel beautiful in my own skin. You complimented me everyday, even if I looked like I rolled out of bed. You never let me go a day without knowing just how much you cared and that brings me to tears to this day. Tears because it makes me so happy to remember you doing that. You taught me how to feel beautiful and confident. You never made me feel ashamed for anything in my life, and you supported me through every choice I made.

You proudly introduced me to your family and friends as your girlfriend. You never tried to hide me from anyone you met. You made me a priority in your life, and for the first time I was put first. Your family welcomed me from the second they met me and that warms my heart because to me they could see that I was someone important in your life.

I invested my emotions, my thoughts, and my time in you. I only hope that that has brought you happiness. I hope that when you look back at us, that you smile and are grateful for the time spent. I hope that I made you as happy as you made me in the short time we were together.

Looking back, I am not mad or upset. I do not hate you or wish you the worst. I am very proud of you for realizing that you needed to do what was best for you and at that time in life that wasn't me. I am only sorry that I couldn't do more for you. But whatever you set out to do in this life, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you years of happiness and laughter. And I wish that you accomplish all of the dreams you set for yourself. I hope you miss what we had just as much as I do; because for the first time in a very long time it was the only real thing I had to hold on to. You gave me more than you'll ever realize and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for everything. For treating me like I mattered, putting me first, caring about me, wiping my tears, making me smile, and holding my hand through thick and thin. I am forever thankful for the relationship we had. No one has made the impact you did in the short amount of time together. You are truly one of a kind and I hope you realize that you deserve nothing but the best in this life.

Sincerely,

The appreciative ex-girlfriend.

Cover Image Credit: Katie Nicastro

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Thank You For Your Input, But I Will Still Be Wearing My Wedding Dress

Spread love and not lies, judgement, or hate.
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I am the author of the controversial “wedding dress” article, and trust me, I have learned a lot. I am sitting here trying to write something that will not be misconstrued.

As I do, my mind flashes with comments and tweets from all over the world. It was a wave of negativity and personal attacks. I have received over one thousand messages telling me to either kill myself or that I belong in a psych ward. I had people attacking my friends and family members as well over an article about relationships. Seriously?

I have gone from crushed, to angry, to strong from the backlash of my previous article. Among the negativity, there were also waves of people who messaged me thanking me for writing what I did. Most have said that they have felt jealous and I encouraged them to look towards the future.

They understood what I was trying to convey. Many people have asked me why I would not take the article down, and these positive messages are the people who kept me from doing that. If I showed that I was ashamed of the feelings the article conveyed, then I felt as though I would be showing them that they should be ashamed as well. They should not, and I hope that they know this.

As for the content of my past article, I understand that it did not tell the entire story. I do not write for the New York Times or The Washington Post. I sat down in my bed after waking up from a nap, and I had 20 minutes to write an article that met a deadline. We have all turned in a procrastinated task or assignment. That’s what this was.

I thought about a conversation with friends. They mentioned that they wished they could have been there for their fiancés and husbands longer. One jokingly said that she wished she could have been there for her husband’s prom because ours sucked. It is currently prom season, and I am getting married shortly. Congratulations, you have the article. It was not from my point of view. It is a conglomeration of feelings that had been expressed to me through conversation. I stated at the end that you can look forward to the rest of your life with them now. That was my advice to my friends.

I commonly write theoretically, not literally. My audience knows that. This was not an article that was meant to be widespread and clearly known by everyone in the world. Yes, that happened, but we have communities in Odyssey. Mine are intended for my personal community. Odyssey articles are also not meant to tell an entire story. We have guidelines, word counts, and we aren’t usually meant to write an entire story in one article.

That article had nothing to do with anyone in either my or my fiancé’s life. However, even if it was, you do not know what has happened to me nor my fiancé. Maybe he was emotionally abused, cheated on, or treated very poorly. No, I did not contextualize his past in the article because it is not about a specific person, nor do I willingly “throw shade” at another person online. You can see an honest article from me regarding my past “relationships,” but many people seem to find it funny that I spoke out about being raped.

I was misunderstood, and the internet showed a disgusting face. I highly doubt you have never been misunderstood, and imagine people saying such horrible things all because they took something the wrong way. Again, I am not a writer for a huge publication. We have different guidelines here, and I do not write things like this literally. Yes, as many people have also attacked me for, I have other articles about relationships. Our editors suggest article ideas for our weekly writings, and some of those are from a list of headlines that I thought I might know about even in the slightest.

Everything is not always as it seems on the internet. After the disgusting things I have seen from people, I have a whole new perspective on the world. Many people were attacking me for my Christian faith after digging into my life when they read something they didn’t agree with. The Devil had a firm grasp on this backlash, and it really shows by the completely random attacks on my faith. Through all of this, my faith is stronger. Through all of this, my relationship is stronger.

I do not care who he went to prom with. Do I wish I could have had more time with my fiancé? Of course. Wouldn’t you? It has nothing to do with who had him. It has to do with me getting to love him longer and maybe saving him from heartache and hurt that people put him through. Would you not want to save a loved one from hurt if you could? I am not jealous of one person whatsoever. I simply wish that I could have loved him longer.

The “wedding dress” article, whose title I did not finalize, was an analogy for feelings young couples may experience. If you did not get that from the content, then move on. Next time you see something you do not agree with and it is not hurting anyone, I am asking you to move on. Do not treat anyone the way that I have been treated. I am far from what the internet has painted me to be like. However, I am sure many celebrities are not what the internet says either. It is a place of skewed ideas and judgmental opinions.

Despite the messages to my fiancé telling him to run, he also knows that I am nothing like what people tried to portray me to be. We both look forward to the future and point out all of the amazing things that will come. I support his hope for a future career and cannot wait for what is to come. I am not a “jealous psychopath.” I am not going to go “kill myself” like many people tried to suggest. But you know what? The next person that receives a message to kill themselves just might.

As a result of this whole situation, I have chosen to make a donation to a cyberbullying foundation that helps educate people on cyberbullying while also supplying comfort for those who are victims. It is a foundation that helps prevent self-harm and suicide that is the result of cyberbullying. The foundation is called CyberSmile, and I encourage you to learn about them.

I hope that you keep your mind open when reading things about people on the internet. I was judged so harshly for something so small. It can happen to anyone, and it can be more than some people can handle. Think before you type. Your words have consequences. You are not an anonymous person hiding behind a screen. Some of the fake accounts that were made to attack me, I know who they are. I will never be able to forget these comments about me. No matter how WRONG people were about me, these words will continue to hurt me.

My heart hurts for the next innocent person who gets attacked for publishing an emotional piece of work. There are people who would not be alive right now after what happened. You can call that dramatic or whatever you want, but it is true. People can have different opinions and still be civil to each other.

Next time you may think about saying something harsh to someone, think about saying it to your loved one. Think about the person that will see it. Put yourself in their shoes. Never judge someone for something small like a piece of writing. Don’t judge people period. We all have different opinions, appearances, beliefs, and many other things. That is what makes the world beautiful. If people spent as much time spreading love as they did spreading lies and hate about me and other people, the world would be a much better place.

Send love to people who may need it. Love your neighbor. Treat others with respect. Be a light in another person’s life.

Do not feed into the negativity and think twice about what you see or read. I am getting married to the love of my life in a few weeks. This situation has made me realize how lucky I am to have an extremely supportive man by my side. I cannot wait for our future together, and this has made us even stronger.

Love people, and keep moving forward.

With love,

Victoria Higgins

Cover Image Credit: Courtney Beth

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It is Perfectly OK To Be Alone Because It Makes You Realize How Strong You Really Are

That's when you will find your true self.
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It is not the end of the world if your "perfect" relationship ends. It is perfectly okay to be independent and not have a boyfriend or girlfriend. For me just getting out of a relationship that I loved was one of the hardest things to do especially with the semester ending. I expected so much for this summer and then he ended it before it could even begin. Every day since we broke up I have been figuring out how strong of a person I really am.

You are STRONG.

Whether you think so or not, you are strong. I did not realize how strong I was until I started doing things to better myself. Getting out of a year-long relationship I thought it was the end of the world. I thought I lost everything, but in reality, I was just sad because now I was going to be "alone" for the first time in over a year.

No one is weak for missing their ex-significant other. It takes time to move on, but the key is to actually let yourself move on. It is not about finding someone else, it is about knowing who you are as a person and letting go and being your strong, independent self.

If someone else comes along, it wasn't meant to be.

If your last relationship did not end badly like mine it can cause confusion. My ex and I had a very healthy relationship, but he was not ready to give me the time I needed. With this being said I am in no way looking for another relationship right now.

I need to focus on myself and making myself happy before I start anything up again. If someone happens to come along so be it, that just means my last relationship was not meant to be. If he comes back to me, then I know he is the one.

Distract yourself.

If you are the type of person who only has a few best friends like me then distractions are key. Sometimes you won't always have your friends around for whatever reason and you need to find things you love to do. For me, that is my new internship this summer. I am going to be working with kids all day and I honestly am thrilled.

Every day I will be able to distract myself from any doubts I might have about myself and my last relationship. If you do not have a job you love, then go out and find something you do love. You can start running, doing yoga or just going on hikes. Sometimes just staying in and watching Netflix is enough. The key is to not think about what something could be. Live in the now and keep your head up.

You are never actually alone.

No matter how alone you may feel you are never really alone. You have so many people who love and cherish you whether that be your family or your friends. Even that girl or guy you happened to talk to twice in class or worked on a group project with would be there for you if you needed something.

It is surprising how good some people are and it's okay to look to them for comfort. Ever since my last relationship ended I have called my mom every day and have been talking to my girl-friends a lot more. It is the time where I need them most and I cannot thank them enough for always being there for me.

Even on your darkest days, there will always be light. Do not let your head down. It is okay to be on your own. You are a strong independent person who deserves the best. Whatever the world throws at you take it in with confidence. Show the world who you really are, but most importantly show yourself who you really are.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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