An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

"And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in weather and time but I never planned on you changing your mind"
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Exes get a lot of backlash in breakups. This letter is not that. This letter is not bashing my ex-boyfriend for doing what was best for him. This letter is being written for the pure reason I want to thank him for what he has done, but I am simply not strong enough to send it to him myself.

Thank you for the time we had together. In the moment, I was able to give and receive affection, have good times, and laugh at the smallest. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have memories that I can look back on and smile about. Our relationship isn't something I regret, in fact, it taught me a lot about myself. The days we spent together were some of the happiest and best days of my life. I hope you know that.

Thank you for the unforgettable experience of my hand being held in yours. Thank you for rubbing my back when it was bothering me. Thank you for taking care of me when I didn't take care of myself. You were the only person who got me to eat during finals week. You were also the only person who was able to keep me calm going into the last month of college, and that means the world to me. I have never met someone who could get me to be so comfortable so quickly. I have never slept better than with your arms around me all those nights. You never complained once when I was being a pain instead you let me realize it and then we would laugh it off. We never picked fights and when we did fight, you wouldn't run away or shut me out. You listened. You were the first person who ever gave me a chance to say what I felt and you never made me feel bad about it.

From the second I met you, I could tell that there was something about you that had me hooked, simply by the look in your eyes. I connected with you so easily and quickly that I have never connected with someone like that before. That spoke mountains to me, for me to be able to open up to you and talk to you the way I did. You were the first boy I have ever met that made me feel beautiful in my own skin. You complimented me everyday, even if I looked like I rolled out of bed. You never let me go a day without knowing just how much you cared and that brings me to tears to this day. Tears because it makes me so happy to remember you doing that. You taught me how to feel beautiful and confident. You never made me feel ashamed for anything in my life, and you supported me through every choice I made.

You proudly introduced me to your family and friends as your girlfriend. You never tried to hide me from anyone you met. You made me a priority in your life, and for the first time I was put first. Your family welcomed me from the second they met me and that warms my heart because to me they could see that I was someone important in your life.

I invested my emotions, my thoughts, and my time in you. I only hope that that has brought you happiness. I hope that when you look back at us, that you smile and are grateful for the time spent. I hope that I made you as happy as you made me in the short time we were together.

Looking back, I am not mad or upset. I do not hate you or wish you the worst. I am very proud of you for realizing that you needed to do what was best for you and at that time in life that wasn't me. I am only sorry that I couldn't do more for you. But whatever you set out to do in this life, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you years of happiness and laughter. And I wish that you accomplish all of the dreams you set for yourself. I hope you miss what we had just as much as I do; because for the first time in a very long time it was the only real thing I had to hold on to. You gave me more than you'll ever realize and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for everything. For treating me like I mattered, putting me first, caring about me, wiping my tears, making me smile, and holding my hand through thick and thin. I am forever thankful for the relationship we had. No one has made the impact you did in the short amount of time together. You are truly one of a kind and I hope you realize that you deserve nothing but the best in this life.

Sincerely,

The appreciative ex-girlfriend.

Cover Image Credit: Katie Nicastro

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To The Person Who Broke My Heart, A Reflection

A reflection on what I have lost.
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To the person who broke my heart,

I am writing to you from my bedroom on Valentine's Day, a holiday meant to celebrate love and companionship between lovers and friends. All week, I've been listening to the plans being made to celebrate the holiday: dinner and a movie, a walk on the beach, a picnic in the park. My friends have been talking excitedly about the gifts that they are going to give to their girlfriends, the romantics within them awakened at the prospect of strengthing their established relationship. However, I shall be alone this Valentine's Day. There will be no one to give me flowers, no one to give me chocolates, and no one to tell me how much they love me.

That could have been you.

If you're reading this, I wanted to let you know from the start that this letter is not meant to harass you or criticize you; I just want to let you know how I've been feeling since you've called it quits.

When we went on our first date, I knew my feelings for you to be true and not just some passing fancy. For once, I believed that the seed of love had been planted within the soil of my heart. It had been so long since I had felt so strongly about someone. I felt like this was the start of something beautiful, the start of my first real relationship with someone I connected deeply with. I began to imagine all the things we would do, of all the things we would see, of those tender kisses shared beneath a starry sky and of nights spent cuddled in a warm bed.

I felt attractive and beautiful for once.

Every time you put your arm around me, every time you embraced me, I felt as if I were floating high above the world, carried upon the wings of Cupid. I told everyone about you, about our dates, about the kind of person you were. I was so happy and excited about you, about the kind of relationship we were going to have.

Then, you kissed me. My first kiss was with you. In that moment when you placed your lips upon mine, the whole world melted away and it was just you and I. I was dizzy with happiness, feeling as if I were going to faint at any moment from sheer joy. I remember how you told me how happy you were after you kissed me and my heart sang; for once, I thought, I was going to have someone to share my life with.

But then, things changed.

You left our date early on Friday, leaving me alone for the rest of "Singin' in the Rain." I wished I would have fought harder for you to stay, but I understood why you had to leave. I always wanted to be understanding with you, to make sure you knew how much I cared. You canceled our date Saturday too, making me even more worried. Then came Sunday. The day you broke my heart.

Just as quickly as it began, it ended. You called it quits and pulled the roots from my heart. Did you know, when you gave me the news, I lied to you? I told you I understood, that it was fine, but it wasn't fine. I was distraught. I cried. I felt like such a fool for letting myself be taken with you so quickly. From that day forward, my life became bleak. I took no enjoyment in anything and saw happiness nowhere. I was jealous of those who were in love, of those who have just begun their relationship, while I was pushed back into a dark pit of despair after I had crawled back to the top. My heart lay shattered upon the ground and I didn't know how to pick the pieces back up.

You know what hurts the most? The fact that it seems like it never happened. When I look back on our time together, it seems like a dream, that I had created a fantasy world out of sheer loneliness. I wonder if you think of me at all. Do I ever cross your mind? Am I ever brought up in conversation? Or was I just another face, another heart to break? Was I to be a conquest that turned out to be unsuccessful? I don't think I shall ever know.

To be honest, I blame myself. Maybe I was too forward or maybe I was too suffocating. I blame myself for letting my emotions getting out of hand. I blame myself for not writing to you or checking up on you. I blame myself for dwelling on something people would've normally have gotten over quickly.

I want you to know that I don't hate you, I don't think I ever could. My mind wants me to hate you, to pick out all your flaws, but my heart still wants me to see nothing but the good. I don't think I shall ever forget you.

Promise me something, though: the next person you date, please, don't break their heart.

Cover Image Credit: Columbia Pictures

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An Open Letter To The Girl Who Is Afraid To Move On

First love, you make it so hard to let you go.
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I was so broken for so long.

I made decisions that had no positive impacts on myself, or the people around me. I'll just put this out there, first loves fucking suck.

What's worse, is when you are not the first love back for that person. For a long time- I convinced myself that my first love, wasn't. I told myself constantly that this person came into my life for no other reason than to help me find someone else.

To an extent I think that was true.

Finding love for the second time was very different than the first. We all know how that story goes. But, even then, you would creep back in. How do you come to the terms with the fact that your first love still exists somewhere in your mind. Its ridiculously difficult. The guilt overcomes you, and makes you feel like you did something wrong; that still loving them was wrong.

People have come and gone in my life- and through it all, there is still a piece of you in me.

It took me four years to actually understand that I had never let you go; never moved on. The beginning stages of this realization killed me, and I was broken all over again. I was right back to my seventeen year old self, crying over the one who would never love me the way I wanted them to.

We managed to do something that complicated things. You and I always complicate things.

After the initial shock of it all, things settled down and I was miserable, with more feelings than I knew what to do with. I replayed memories in my head until i drove myself mad. I came to the terms with the fact that it still wasn't our time, and thats okay.

It kills me though- the unknowing.

It scares me, taking a step into the unknown. It would be so easy for me to stay here, to just exist in this space where I know I am comfortable, waiting around, not letting myself experience things. Yet, I have this undeniable force pulling me toward something that I have never known before.

"I don't think you have ever truly gotten over them" No. I haven't. Maybe it took all of this to get me over it. I don't know. What I do know, is that I am starting to feel something again.

I get butterflies in my stomach when they're around. I smile more than I have in a year. I don't know what this means, and the thought of everything that has happened in the past three months is holding me back.

"It sounds like you two need each other."

My skin crawls thinking about hurting over you. So, maybe i'm ready to move on. Maybe that kills you, and I'm sorry. "I'm happy" means something completely different now than it did a year ago.

I am terrified that this is it, but only time can tell.

So first love, I will put you back in my head for a while longer.

It was nice catching up.



Cover Image Credit: Urinette Jetable

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