To my ex-boyfriend,
You were my first love. I don't regret being with you. Nor do I regret any of our memories. Just because I am no longer with you does not mean I no longer care about you.
I will always wish the best for you. We weren't meant to be. I didn't even see our flaws at the time. But looking back, I do. It doesn't make me resent you. It doesn't change my opinion of who you are. I am so thankful that my first love was you. I am so thankful for all the times you were there for me. To this day there are many places I can't get myself to go to. There are many songs I can't listen to. They bring back memories, not bad ones, good ones, in fact. But that's the thing, it's too difficult to think back on them. It still hurts when I think of our times together. It's so terrible when you feel so sure it's going to last. But then time gets to you, distance gets to you, arguments get to you, and eventually, you're not sure what you're doing anymore. You get lost and feel almost trapped.
I know we broke up because I was the one who didn't think we could make it through it. But I know you agreed. You think it's because I wanted to be with someone else. Yes, it is true I found someone else. But that was not the reason of our break up. However, when I was looking back at our memories it had started to feel like only the bad ones could come to memory. Every phone call made me cringe and question whether I was ready for another upset night and argument. The relationship was no longer healthy. WE were no longer healthy together. Think what you want, but my actions were never taken intending to hurt anyone.
I will always care about you, your family, and even your friends. It killed me to say the words "break up" but it killed me more to come to accept that we wouldn't handle the break up the same way. That one would feel as if it was never love and that it was never real. It crushed me to accept that our opinions of what it was would never be the same. But today I'm coming to that acceptance. I hurt you and I am sorry... I want to say that again, I AM sorry. I'm sure when someone asks about your ex you say she was a piece of shit, but please remember that "the piece of shit" of a girl will always care and that you used to say you loved her. I'm finding happiness in my life where I am now and who I've surrounded myself with. I can only hope you've done the same.
Once again, I am sorry and I truly do wish you the best.
Feminism Redefined
