At some point in our lives, we've all experienced love that has turned out to be nothing but a lesson. It was the summer before my senior year of high school that I thought I had found true love for the first time. Although it sounds very cliche, I had my summer romance and one of the best summers of my life. That summer was all about rainbows and butterflies until reality hit, and senior year of high school began. The different paths that were to be taken, but there was still a year ahead to figure it all out. The different routines began the different lifestyles. They all began but they were all changed in order for them to emerge into one routine.
All the moments and summer memories with my significant other at the time, I used to think those were the good old times. Every second was spent with that certain person that my whole world used to revolve around him and his around myself. Not only routines were shared, but also certain phrases and habits were characteristics that we would share. It completely affected my friendships and even my relationships with my family. That wasn't the main problem at the time. November came around and so was the "future plans" talk.
Seventeen-year-old me had always dreamt of going to college and perhaps even moving out of home to become more independent and obtain my education at the same time. His plans were completely different at the time, he wanted to start a business. That was the first breakup, as I remember it was over the "future" talk. During the weekend that came after, acts of dishonesty towards that significant others were committed and perhaps a sign that the relationship should have really ended then.
I can flash forward you to when it was considered a toxic relationship; getting back together. We all make mistakes as humans, and especially when we are young and immature. Sometimes we think that everything is meant to last forever but I truly do believe everything happens for a reason. A toxic relationship can be identified as a toxic one at the moment you don't recognize yourself anymore because you are constantly trying to fix something that has already been broken to the point you lose yourself. The days became weeks, the weeks became months of constant arguments that would never end. I never questioned why I remained in that position taking it all in because deep down I thought that was what love came with.
My grades, relationships, friendships, class attendance, my whole life collapsed down as this toxic relationship continued to consume every last bit of me. One day, my AP Literature noticed something was wrong with me and talked to me personally. She was the first person I had talked to about the situation and she advised me to let it all go for it to finally end. Deep down, I had hope for it to all go back to normal since I was deeply mentally and physically attached to that significant other. I wished for that summer to repeat itself and for it to start all over again. I know he lost himself as well, he wasn't that sweet guy I had fallen in love with that summer. I didn't recognize him, and he didn't recognize himself.
It was exactly last spring that was my breaking point. Graduation awaited for me in a matter of only a couple of months. So was the college decision, and the financial aids packages which I had totally ignored for months. I had goals before he crossed my path, I had friends and I had a whole new chapter waiting for me. Although, it wasn't as easy as I can say it now to "just let go, and move on." It was the last breakup and the final one.
My class schedule was changed and I no longer shared class periods with him. I no longer even shared lunch with him. I began to drive my own car to school every morning, my own alarm would wake me up in absence of his phone calls. Everything had changed for good. These actions took days, then weeks, then May had finally arrived.
Blooming after a toxic relationship takes time. It is not the day right after the final breakup. Or the day that all the social media pictures are finally taken down. And it is totally okay to be alone as you are letting go, just as okay as crying yourself to sleep. But it is also okay to speak up, to find a friend or a teacher or even your mom and share to them that you are not okay. You don't have to go into details if you are not comfortable.
Some relationships end up more toxic than others, mine was mentally toxic. But it was over before it became a physical toxic one. It took me exactly one summer and my first semester of college to fully heal from that summer romance that became a toxic relationship. Focus on yourself and your goals, because no matter how attached you are to your significant other you are still one whole without them. They do not complete you, they are only there to compliment you...
