I can see you looking. I can hear your whispers. No, your eyes don't deceive you. Yes, I'm that girl. The one that has had almost every bad thing under the sun done to her. The one that tried to jump. Yes, it's me.
You can all stop staring and giving the same robotic "I'm here for you" spiel. I'm not a mutant from Marvel and I definitely am not a baby in need of fake reassurance. I know some of you mean well, but, come on, we both know what you're going to say before you say it and it's exhausting.
I get it. September is suicide prevention month. You've seen a few flyers around school and you've been inspired. That's great, but don't waste it on me. I'm fighting my battles and I may stumble, but I know how to pull myself back up. Some people aren't there yet. Some people are hiding in the shadows while you put all of your focus on someone that has made it through. Some people are having a hard time clenching their fist to throw a punch. By "some people" I mean others like me.
I've almost mastered walking in the dark while there are people crawling on the floor trying to find a way out. Stop staring at me. Stop talking about what happened to me. Open your eyes to the people around you. Pay attention to what each person's body language is showing. We're everywhere.
Instead of saying what you think you're supposed to say, say what you feel. Treat us like people. We're still human. Be aware of what you're doing; please, ask before you touch. Listen before you assume. Start small and work your way up. Don't expect change overnight. This isn't like taking off makeup. There is a lot of skin that needs to shed and an ocean full of tears to go with it.
We're not crazy. We're not losers. We didn't ask for the labels we've received and they definitely don't help. Isn't the point to keep us alive??? Show us that there is something to live for. Why? Because, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to find anything.
I have no reason, no will, no one. I'm used to it. Some of us aren't.
So stop gossiping about my "tragedies" and go save someone while you can.
I know it sounds pretty hypocritical, but no one deserves a life like mine and no one should have to make a choice like the ones I have.
Suicide Prevention Month puts me on a platform that I will never enjoy being on, but, if it takes me having a spotlight to save someone else, raise me up higher.
Just don't worry about catching me when I fall.