It would be hard to find anybody who hasn’t ever heard about two types of personalities: extroverted and introverted. There is a dozen of websites out there that help people “figure out” what type they belong to, but many of us are still not sure what character traits determine that belonging. So we often use the simplest explanation — if you talk a lot you just have to be an extrovert, and vice versa. Unfortunately, this explanation is wrong.
If you need a short and simple definition for the differences between the two, then here it is — it all starts with energy. Contrary to the popular opinion, there are some taciturn extroverts and talkative introverts out there. The difference is the way we “recharge” ourselves. If to feel alive, you need to walk on Times Square surrounded by dozens of people or if you let go of stress through calling four of your friends and telling them about your horrible day, then you are an extrovert. On the other hand, if you enjoy being among your friends throughout the day but later on feel drained and want some time on your own, you are an introvert.
I, like many of my friends, am very extroverted. There are some things we wish other people understood about us.
1. No, we were not born with good public speaking skills.
We are not “naturally better” at it. Public speaking is a lot of work and stress for extroverts too, but we learned to get our special kind of “high” through battling our fears and anxiety.
2. Yes, we talk a lot … and then some more.
I agree it may look like we are too self-absorbed at times, but it is not simply “a big ego” -- we don’t mean to “show off.” Extroverts appreciate deep connections. It just so happens that we build them through conversations. So if an extrovert is telling you about her victory in a Spelling Bee tournament from years ago, it is not because she wants to brag about her skills. It is because that moment shaped her personality, and she wants you to see this cause and effect. She also wants to know what kind of person you were in middle school. Conversations for us go both ways.
3. No, we are not fans of small talk.
Let’s be honest, small talk is boring no matter if you are good or bad at it. Society demands us to fill the silence with meaningless conversations about weather and traffic which usually do not contain any personal information. So if you want to talk about weather with us, then tell us what weather makes you calm, when was the last time you made a snow angel, and if you were ever afraid of the thunder storms.
4. If we don’t talk for a while, it doesn’t mean we are sad or uncomfortable.
If you spent some time with talkative extroverts, it may bother you when they don’t join a conversation. That usually happens when we are surrounded by a new group of people. Don’t worry, your friends don’t seem creepy or annoying to us. We are still having fun. Sometimes we simply like to observe people and listen to them talk because, once again, it leads to deeper connections. Maybe we barely understand what your friends from astrophysics club are talking about, but we enjoy when other people share their passions with us.
5. No, most likely, we don’t have a crush on you.
Because extroverts spend a lot of time with people and give them a lot of attention, they may seem too invested or flirtatious at times. The thing is we behave like that with all of our friends, and most of the time we don’t realize that our actions can be misinterpreted.
6. Yes, we like people, but that doesn’t mean we like everyone.
This is understandable and natural no matter if you are an extrovert or introvert. Some people just happen to be on the right energy level, so you are ready to spend hours with them and with others … not so much. What can I say? We are only humans.
7. We would love if you made weekend plans every once in a while.
Because we want to be surrounded by people all the time, we tend to make plans for every minute of the free time we have. Want to see a movie, play cards or grab a cup of coffee? We can give you numerous options of things we can do together. However, we would be really happy if you could make plans and invite us to join you. No need to go crazy about it. It can be as simple as having lunch together or playing pool, but we will enjoy the fact that you remember about us.
