If you own or ride horses, chances are you've spent some time at an equine boarding facility or big horse farm. There's lots of different people who come and go from these farms and eventually, you start to spot the types. Here's some of the typical people that we have all met while horsing around...
1. The Hunter Princess
This girl has shown all the fancy hunter circuits and probably has an obscene amount of fancy ponies... none of which she has ever groomed herself. She definitely wears rhinestones and she definitely has never picked up a pitchfork.
2. The Hot Farrier
He somehow manages to bring the most elusive horse owners out of the woodwork. When he comes to shoe, you see people you haven't seen in months... or ever. All the women at the farm casually linger about while he is working, pretending to be paying attention to his work, but actually only hoping to catch a glimpse of him bent over.
3. The "Cowboy"
This person probably wouldn't actually know what to do if they were sent to drive cattle, but they would like to think they could. They probably wear large, fringy chaps and most likely ride a quarter horse that is too small for them.
4. The Badass Eventer
The Eventer would like to think of themselves as the most badass equestrian. They will tell you that they're going cross country schooling and before you can tell them that the farm doesn't have a cross country field you see them jumping their horse over things that shouldn't be jumped over (i.e. the goat that lives in the horse pasture). They will gladly tell you about all of their injuries.
5. The Farm Hand Who Doesn't Know Anything About Horses
Somehow this person ended up working at a horse farm. They couldn't tell you their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to horses, but damn they can pick a stall good.
6. The Farm Rat
This child is probably about 13 years old and you have never been to the barn without seeing her there too. She basically lives there and you're not sure if she even goes home to bathe. You wonder if she even goes to school... or has parents.
7. The "I've read a book on that..." Horse Person
This person has read more books than a damn librarian. They have an answer for any question you may have about horses. The catch? They really don't have any idea what they're doing...
8. The Token Man
It's no secret that there are more girls than boys in the horse world. No matter what they look like, the ONE guy at your barn that rides starts to look real attractive after a while...
9. The Natural Horseman
They believe in all things natural for horses. They meditate with their horse, shake sage leaves on them, speak to them, mind read them. Basically everything that doesn't make sense.
10. The Fighting Siblings
There's always that pair of sisters or brothers who ride and (any age) constantly fight with each other. Competing always, getting along, never.
11. The Terrifying Old Woman
There's always that one old lady who scares the s out of everyone. She's constantly patrolling the farm for tomfoolery and will promptly tear you a new you-know-what if she spots you doing something reckless. Or breathing. She doesn't like breathing either.
12. The Trainer Who Sleeps With Everyone
He probably wears a polo shirt with the collar popped and he probably has 3 girlfriends at once... at the same farm.
13. The Sketchy Horse Trader
This person shows up every so often to try and sell the owner of the farm some group of orangoutang-type horses that have fire in their eyes. They'll never tell you where they found these horses and they also will casually forget to mention that the horse is drugged...
14. The Boyfriend/Girlfriend
This person is dating a horse person (and has not realized yet what they've gotten themselves into). They are drug to the barn by their significant other and stand around while their partner plays with their horses. They always look a little confused and are most likely never wearing the proper footwear.
15. The Barn Mom/Dad
This parent is the champion of all things horse. They probably never rode horses themselves, but the somehow know how to braid, longe a horse, and you can always count on them to have snacks and extra gatorade for all the barn kids. And they're super proud of their kids.
