While watching the debate the other day, I was overcome with disgust at the animosity and poor morals of our two presidential candidates. This disgust quickly transformed into inspiration, and it is with great pleasure that I announce my candidacy for the highest office in the world. Now, I know precisely what you're thinking- the most appealing thing I have to offer is the fact that my last name is neither Trump nor Clinton. While this is true, I would also like to share with you ten others reasons why I am the best candidate for this job.
1. I’m an expert at dealing with children.
Now, some of you may be asking, “What the heck does this have to do with being president?” Well, when you have a congress who acts more like a bunch of greedy children than an actual group of professionals, I can guarantee that it will prove to be a handy skill. I’m the aunt of a beautiful eighteen-month-old, and I have ensured that he is well-versed in manners. I can do the same for Congress.
2. I respect women.
I have been a woman for my whole life, a lengthy 22 years, and I can guarantee that I respect myself and other women. America is beyond ready for a female president, but let's just make sure we choose the right woman for the job.
3. I’m knowledgeable on foreign policy and culture.
After realizing that my multicultural grounding and knowledge was lacking, I decided to take a trip to Jamaica on my high school senior trip. The knowledge and understanding I gained there was priceless and beneficial to my understanding of foreign policy.
4. I have proven leadership skills.
Upon joining the highly acclaimed Kappa Delta sorority, I undertook numerous leadership roles in an effort to better serve my people. I have been on the Sisterhood enrichment team as well as having been the Assistant to the VP of Recruitment.
5. I’m a hard worker.
Yep, that’s right. There is no trust fund on which I can depend. Unlike Mr. Trump, when I ask for a “small loan” from my father, he hands me a crisp $20, rather than a couple million. Apart from these occasional loans, I break my back for the chance of personal wealth. If you want someone to represent the wants of the middle class, you should draw from the actual middle class. In the words of pop sensation Beyonce Knowles, “I may be young, but I’m ready.”
6. I have political experience.
One of our candidates is seriously lacking in this area. However, upon completing an internship with the Macon-Bibb County government, I have an understanding of how government actually works.
7. I cannot evade taxes.
As a poor college student, I work part time jobs; these, as many of us know, are taxed heavily. It would literally cost more for me to learn how to evade taxes than actually paying taxes.
8. My acceptance of large donations is open to the public.
The Meadows Foundation (my family) has donated to my account on several occasions- namely birthdays and holidays. For transparency’s sake, I have complete statements and records to ensure that this money was used to better the society in which we live- particularly to the benefit of businesses such as Gringos and Dunkin' Donuts. I have kept these industries afloat with the generous donations from my foundation.
9. I am knowledgeable on the issues.
As the daughter of a farmer-turned-real-estate-agent and an educator, I have a well-rounded knowledge of agricultural policy, economics, and education policy.
10. My email is an open book.
I’m completely open to the prospect of probing eyes opening and checking my emails. With 324 unopened emails, I would actually welcome not having to see the "unopened" notifications every time I fire up my computer.
Sure, the required age for running for president is thirty-five; I’m confident our forefathers never expected a twenty-two year old to run for president. However, I doubt they ever foresaw two criminals running for that very office either.
Therefore, vote Emmie Meadows for President 2016, and remember:
The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where a Meadows waters it.
