Relationship Anxiety Is Totally Sabotaging Your Love Life
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Relationship Anxiety Is Totally Sabotaging Your Love Life

Worrying about your relationship falling apart could be the reason your relationship is struggling.

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Frank Mckenna

Have you ever said, "We're doing great! I'm really happy...but I feel like it's not going to last"? Well, that's me and how I used to talk about relationships. My motto was, the better something is, the more likely it is I am going to be blindsided. Which, in hindsight, was a super sad way to live. I should've been celebrating my happiness instead of looking for the problems that might not exist.

My friends have expressed similar fears to me. They fear that their happiness is temporary and finite. They think that happily ever after is meant for kids. They're supposed to expect nothing to come easy because in the real world everything's supposed to be a struggle, right?

But I don't want to hear about what might happen or how I should be careful with my heart. I don't want to hear how it's never going to work out, how divorce rates are skyrocketing and how my sister felt the same way at my age. There is enough worry and anxiety already messing with my head.

Movies and TV tell me that heartbreak is an everyday occurrence. Most people I know have been divorced, cheated on or been a cheater. The examples of great relationships are few and far between. I have no couple to look up to and say, "Wow. That's how you do it." There are few people I know that are truly happy with their love lives or happy with the person they're with.

Which begs the question, could I be lucky enough to be truly happy in my relationship? Every part of my being is screaming NO! You can't be that lucky, no ones that lucky. Unfortunately, Life is a roller coaster and at some point, you're going to peak and come crashing down. When all I see are bad relationships and messed up love how am I not supposed to expect my relationship to fall apart?

I remember the first year of my relationship balancing between this is too good to be true, and no one way this is going to work out. I was stuck in this vicious circle of love, fear, jealousy and self-destruction. When you're in the early stages of a relationship, you're supposed to be having fun and living in the moment, but I struggled with that. My relationship anxiety was contaminating happy memories and distracting from all the good stuff.

Three years later, I look back on the first couple months of my relationship and feel sad for the time I wasted crying over little things and stressing over an inevitable break up that wasn't so inevitable. I laugh now at the panic attacks over a text or a small argument that sent me spiraling, but in the moment it didn't feel funny, it felt like everything was falling apart. I remember once getting into a fight and driving to my boyfriend's house like a crazy person just to make sure we were still dating.

Anxiety and pressure cause people to do things they would never do and react in a way that could make everything worse. Driving to your partner's house and waiting outside like a high-key stalker can cause issues and insecurities in your relationship that probably wasn't there in the first place.

While that is a funny and extreme example, worrying about whether or not a relationship will work out can cause someone to act irrational and out of character and may lead to long-term issues.

So how do you not get heartbroken? How do you keep everything from going wrong? Well, you don't. A wise woman once told me that you can't worry about things until they happen. It took me a very long time and a lot of tears to realize that if I always wait for everything to go wrong, then I'm never going to get the chance to enjoy the things that are going right. Living in a space of anxiety and fear will bleed into your relationship, and its downfall will be because you're filling it with so much toxic stress that the good has no room to exist.

So my advice to you: try and live in the moment, focus on the good and not the bad and don't wait for everything to fall apart, because you might be that lucky couple after all.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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