I’m a competitive person, and I’ve done everything from beauty pageants to judo competitions. I’ve cat-walked in a bathing suit for a room full of judging eyes and I’ve strapped on Gi and thrown a girl in front her parents and mine, and been thrown too. I’ve traveled through both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between with debate teams and soccer matches, either silencing my opponent with facts or goals, or getting silenced. I have witnessed many varieties of contests each with their own distinctions. However, in all of them you find one universal truth: they’re all corrupt.
In that world, it’s not always about how well you model, or how many facts about prohibition you can memorize and refute, but instead about how your victory will benefit the hosts of the competition. “They” don’t care how results are achieved, only that in the end the results are beneficial. “They” are a corrupt competitor in judo arriving as a green belt, even though they are blue belts, so they fight less experienced players, or “they” are the judges in a beauty competition who want you to sleep with them to gain their vote, “they” are the council hearing your debate with a handful of bribe cash in their pocket from the parent in the other team, and “they” are the little league soccer coaches who want you to kick the other player down if needed to score.
In the fall of 2011 I was in New York as a finalist in a pageant. I remember the rules were strict: all girls had to arrive on the given date and before 8 p.m. to check in, all girls had to wear their pageant jacket at all times we were out and about, by 10 p.m. we were to be back in our assigned rooms and not to come out, and all hair and makeup was to be done by the professionals. It was made very clear that if anyone were to violate these rules, it was immediate disqualification. My roommate arrived four hours after the deadline, meaning she missed all the initial meetings, the next day she refused to wear the jacket. On top, she left the room every night we were there, and on the day of the actual show she stayed in the room and did her own hair and makeup. Then, she went on to win the pageant. Yes, she was beautiful, she was tall, and she was absolutely pageant girl material, as were the girls who took home second, third, and fourth. I wasn’t upset with losing; I was upset that there was a game being played. Later, I spoke to the other competitors who had been roommates with the other runner ups; they all shared similar stories to mine. Some even saying their roommates would spend the night in a judge’s room. The feeling of being played with only exacerbated itself when I was riding in the elevator with two judges and one turned to the other and said, “They didn’t even let us vote, it was all pre-determined.” Needless to say, I was mad.
Being as the beauty pageant was my first real competition, I thought that what I went through would be an experience unique to that area of competition. The fake smiles and false inklings of friendships to be were of that circle. How naïve.
About a year ago I began training judo, and after six months of training I went to my first competition. It went great; the girl I fought was my size, my age, my skill level. I thought the experience would perpetuate to every competition. How hard can it be to find a 20-year-old white-green belt female in Judo? Told you I was naïve.
This past week I competed in the Sunshine State Games, "an Olympic-style festival program created throughout the state (of Florida) for amateur athletes of all ages and skill levels” as it says on their website. A 20-year-old white belt weighing in at a heavy 54kgs (120 lbs.), put me in the senior (17 – 29 year old) novice (white – green belts) feather (51.7 – 57kgs) division. When I got there to compete, I was going against a 25-year-old brown belt, and a 35-year-old “green” belt. Neither of these women fit the description of what I was fighting. I mean, there are four criteria points: gender, age, skill, and weight. Both these women only matched me in gender and weight. Being the person I am, I did not stay quiet. I got mad and I made sure the directors of the games changed the situation I was in. I made sure the directors placed me at least with my skill division. The so the 35-year-old “green” belt and I go head to head and both times she obliterates me, I mean the first match lasted maybe nine seconds and the second was a submission. I wasn’t even mad though, I thought I lost fair and square, plus she was so nice, we traded Facebook info, we talked, we even discussed the lack of females on the field and the possibility of an all-girls training camp. Even still, I left feeling like my skills were terrible (which they are but, I don’t like FEELING that way). I left feeling like I had actually digressed in progress instead of improving from my last competition. Once home I go on this woman’s Facebook to thank her for the fight and for the opportunity only to find that she was promoted in Judo more than a month prior to the competition and was no longer a green belt, but a blue belt. Now, I’m not making excuses here, for sure, her judo is better than mine, that’s why she won. She has more years of training and experience, but the whole concept of showing up in another belt so you fight a less experiences division, so you can take home some cheap plastic “gold” metal, is just as petty as girls who sleep with the judge to get the crown. Now, I felt pretty glad the brown belt kicked her ass.
So, when I tell you there is a universal truth to competing, no matter the game, trust me. It doesn’t matter if you’re all done up in Hollywood glam cat-walking in an Oscar De La Renta dress, or if your hair is in taut braids on your head and you’re throwing someone in a Mizuno judo Gi, the fact is, the odds are against you if you’re playing by the rules. There’s always someone trying to gain the upper hand even if by force. Nonetheless, if there is one thing I learned, it is to not make it easy for those people. If you are going to lose, lose, but don’t miss the chance to fight. Leave your mark in their path, like they made their mark in yours. I promise you next time they try to advance in your direction, they will think twice. And carry that attitude with you into all parts of life, because in the end, competing is just a metaphor.
