"No normal people are asexual, they're all loser virgins!" Ouch, that hurt. This was something said to me at the ripe age of 16. This was also said to me by my best friend and the sole person that I could trust.
Let's just say that she's out of my life now. A lot of things like this are said by people who just simply don't understand demisexual or asexuality. I don't blame people who don't understand asexuality, I know that I didn't.
I want to clarify for everyone what demisexuality is and give the people that love me a little more knowledge of my sexuality.
Let me give a little background before I begin. Growing up and in my late teenage years, I never felt actual attraction. Sure, I'd find people like Zendaya and Tom Holland cute and attractive, but I never felt any sexual feelings toward anyone even celebrities.
All of my friends would talk about people they found hot and eventually their sexual encounters later in life. I never understood when my friends would be drooling over the hottest guy in school or most popular actor.
As soon as I entered puberty all that my friends wanted to talk about was sex, but I just didn't get the appeal. This was extremely frustrating and confusing to me. I just pretended that I wanted to have sex or drooled over guys to fit in.
I thought that something was wrong with me because I never desired to have sex or never found myself drooling over anyone. I pretended that I did and was this overly sexual person to mask the fact that I felt no sexual attraction towards anyone.
Around the age of 17, I started finding out about things like asexual and assumed this is what I was. When I looked more into it, I found out about the amazing world of demisexuals.
I found a whole community online of people like me who were once just as confused, but learned to know and accept themselves. I realized after research that this label is an exact match for how I feel. I finally am not in the dark anymore.
Now that my personal story is out of the way, what exactly is a demisexual? Simply a demisexual person is defined as a "person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone."
In the current understanding of human sexual attraction, there is primary attraction and secondary attraction. The primary attraction is sexual attraction based on physical traits.
An example of this would be seeing someone at the mall and thinking that they are sexually attractive without ever talking to or meeting them. Secondary attraction is a sexual attraction that is formed and based on an emotional bond and the individual's personality. While demisexuals may find someone cute or attractive initially, the attraction is not primarily formed.
There would be no sexual attraction to a random stranger. We form sexual attraction on a secondary basis after we have emotionally connected with the person.
A lot of the time, there's a stigma behind the asexual community that we find sex repulsive. That is definitely not true, trust me. Just because demisexuals take an emotional connection to lead to sexual attraction doesn't mean that we at all find it gross or repulsive.
When we desire sex it is often to connect with someone emotionally and reinforce that bond that we have with someone. Asexuals and demisexuals can even have crushes and be attracted to people!
Our sexual attraction just functions differently and independently from romantic attraction. An asexual or demisexual person could need sex in a relationship in order to bond further or may not even feel a need or want for sex in a relationship.
For the first time in my life, I am in a happy and healthy relationship.
My partner and I love each other dearly and respect each other's boundaries and feelings. Never once has my boyfriend been bothered by my sexuality or has tried to push me to do anything that I don't want to do.
He understands, listens, and is patient. That is the most important thing you can be with a demisexual. It may be a confusing word to you, but with a listening ear and willing to accept people who identify this way, you may find that we're not as confusing and mysterious as people think we are.
- 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2': Marvel's Strongest Romantic ... ›
- People Forget There Is More Than One Type Of Attraction ›
- Things To Know, From a Gray-Asexual ›
- What Sexuality Are You ›
- Discovering My Demisexuality ›
- Infighting In The LGBTQ+ Community ›
- 13 Things You've Heard If You're On The Asexual Spectrum ›
- I Interviewed Myself, A Panromantic/Demi-Sexual Woman ›
- Demisexuailty: What Is it, And Why I Identify As A Demisexual ›
- Demisexuals: We Are Real And We Are Valid ›
- Are demisexuals born like that, or do they learn it? - Quora ›
- What Is Demisexual Meaning? 13 Signs You Might Fit The ... ›
- Demisexual Definition and Everything You Need to Know ›
- 7 Biggest Signs You're The Definition Of Demisexual | YourTango ›
- Demisexual Facts: 15 Signs This Is Your Sexual Orientation ›
- Gray asexuality - Wikipedia ›
- Demisexual - Urban Dictionary ›
- Demisexual - AVENwiki ›
- What is demisexuality? 5 signs you might be demisexual ... ›
- What Does Demisexual Mean? Here Are 6 Signs That You May ... ›