Demisexuals: We Are Real And We Are Valid
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Politics and Activism

I Came Out A Bisexual, Then Pansexual, And Finally Panromantic Demisexual, So Let's Talk About It

We're largely ignored both in and out of the LGBTQ+ community, so let's change that.

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Wikimedia Commons

Trying to figure out my identity came with many twists and turns.

I graduated high school knowing I was part of the LGBTQ+ community, but I didn't know which letter I fit under.

I thought I was bisexual for the longest time because I liked both boys and girls, but that word just never sat right with me.

When I started college 3 years ago, I told a friend about this. She recognized herself in my story and suggested I look up the word "pansexual".

Immediately, a lightbulb went off. Pansexuality described me down to the last detail!

I was so happy to finally have a solid identity, but it wasn't over yet.

I had to come out 3 different times: the first time as bisexual, the second time as pansexual, and the third (and hopefully final) time as panromantic demisexual.

I adopted the identity of being demisexual fairly recently because I'm still learning a lot of the LGBTQ+ terminology. Nevertheless, this identification also describes me to the last detail.

For those of you who don't know much about this identity, demisexuality is "a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond".

We are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, but we may not identify as such.

Demisexuality can mean different things to different people, but for me, it means that I care nothing for the part if I don't have the heart.

I also don't experience much physical attraction to anyone of any gender. Most people my age go crazy over people they think are "cute" and try to shoot their shot solely based on outer appearance.

There's nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't make sense in my brain.

Out of all the crushes I've ever had in my almost 22 years of life, I can count on 1 hand how many of those were based on physical attraction, and most of those are celebrities.

Nearly all the people I've ever had feelings for were my best friends first and foremost. I could never be romantically attracted to anyone I didn't have an emotional connection with first, and it always has to start with friendship.

Ever since I came out, I had stereotypes thrown at me left and right.

I got told that that's just "having morals" or "resisting temptation".

Sexual orientation is not based on morals, but rather on who you're attracted to. Period,

I'm not "resisting temptation" because, for me, there is none.

It doesn't make me different, broken or any less of a person.

Different doesn't mean less than.

I am who I am, and that's more than good enough.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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