Demisexuals: We Are Real And We Are Valid

I Came Out A Bisexual, Then Pansexual, And Finally Panromantic Demisexual, So Let's Talk About It

We're largely ignored both in and out of the LGBTQ+ community, so let's change that.


Trying to figure out my identity came with many twists and turns.

I graduated high school knowing I was part of the LGBTQ+ community, but I didn't know which letter I fit under.

I thought I was bisexual for the longest time because I liked both boys and girls, but that word just never sat right with me.

When I started college 3 years ago, I told a friend about this. She recognized herself in my story and suggested I look up the word "pansexual".

Immediately, a lightbulb went off. Pansexuality described me down to the last detail!

I was so happy to finally have a solid identity, but it wasn't over yet.

I had to come out 3 different times: the first time as bisexual, the second time as pansexual, and the third (and hopefully final) time as panromantic demisexual.

I adopted the identity of being demisexual fairly recently because I'm still learning a lot of the LGBTQ+ terminology. Nevertheless, this identification also describes me to the last detail.

For those of you who don't know much about this identity, demisexuality is "a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond".

We are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, but we may not identify as such.

Demisexuality can mean different things to different people, but for me, it means that I care nothing for the part if I don't have the heart.

I also don't experience much physical attraction to anyone of any gender. Most people my age go crazy over people they think are "cute" and try to shoot their shot solely based on outer appearance.

There's nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't make sense in my brain.

Out of all the crushes I've ever had in my almost 22 years of life, I can count on 1 hand how many of those were based on physical attraction, and most of those are celebrities.

Nearly all the people I've ever had feelings for were my best friends first and foremost. I could never be romantically attracted to anyone I didn't have an emotional connection with first, and it always has to start with friendship.

Ever since I came out, I had stereotypes thrown at me left and right.

I got told that that's just "having morals" or "resisting temptation".

Sexual orientation is not based on morals, but rather on who you're attracted to. Period,

I'm not "resisting temptation" because, for me, there is none.

It doesn't make me different, broken or any less of a person.

Different doesn't mean less than.

I am who I am, and that's more than good enough.

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Whether You Like It Or Not, Folks, There Are Only 2 Genders

You're either a male or female, and that's all there is to it.

Regardless of what your opinion is... there are truly only TWO genders. Male and female, and that's how it has always been. Gender is not any different than sex, and in agreeance with Ben Shapiro "I'm not going to modify basic biology because it threatens your subjunctive sense of what you think you are." Gender is the state of being male or female, and there is no other option.

You are born as a male or as a female and there is no other option. There is no third, fourth, or fifth gender. It does not exist. You shouldn't be able to identify as whatever you please. The set of chromosomes that you are born with, either XX or XY is what dictates your gender. Your gender is determined far before the development of the fetus begins, and that's all there is to it.

With that being said, you cannot wake up one day and decide that you want to be a fish, can you? You cannot decide that you are going to grow scales, breathe underwater, and live as a fish for the rest of your life, can you? Could you legally register yourself as a fish? No, you can not do that. You also can't randomly decide that you want to be 21. You aren't allowed to wake up and say I feel 21 today if your real age is 18, and then go buy alcohol. It should be the same exact way with "gender reassignment."

Gender Dysphoria (which used to be called gender identity disorder, but is now an offensive term) directly correlates with depression and anxiety, which are both mental disorders. Although the two of those are mental disorders, we as a society are not allowed to call Gender Dysphoria a mental disorder. Follow this carefully: according to Daniel Payne, the transgender suicide rate is 40%. A massive part of the population says that this is because of the discrimination against transgenders. You cannot attribute the transgender suicide rate to discrimination because if that was the case, the suicide rate for blacks would be higher than it is due to the amount of discrimination they face. The black suicide rate is lower than the white suicide rate, and that alone destroys Gender Dysphoria not being a mental disorder... this is a prime example of society ignoring facts and the truth while conforming to the trans-society.

While reading on I learned about the names transgender people want to be called and do not want to be called. Some of the terms they want to be called or associated with are a crossdresser, drag king, drag queen, gender dysphoria, gender fluidity, non-binary, genderqueer, intersex, trans, a transgender man, a transgender woman, Ze, Zie, Xe, and (singular) they.

There are also multiple terms that are now considered "offensive" or "outdated," because it's 2017. Some of those terms are gender identity disorder, hermaphrodite, sex change operation, shemale, tranny, and transsexual.

This never affected me in any way, until people started getting upset about what I was calling them (when they clearly look like a male or female but aren't.) This never had an impact on me until a man dressed as a woman who claimed to be transgender went into a woman's bathroom and allegedly sexually assaulted a little girl. This never bothered me until a group of people challenged my freedom of speech, and said that they MUST be referred to as one of the "acceptable" terms. I will not redefine our terms just to please someone who feels like the opposite of what they biologically are.

As Ben Shapiro says, "It's not a matter of being open-minded and accepting..." It's about the truth, and not defying it or sugarcoating it so that a group of men and women can feel more comfortable. We as a society cannot crumble and conform to people trying to change their biological properties because that is when it starts to affect others outside of the trans-society.

Cover Image Credit: Macey Mullins

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How I Came To The Realization That I Was Bi

Sometimes you don't always know who you are, but when you know, YOU KNOW.


Growing up, I knew that I liked boys and I never had to question that. I remember my first crush, my teen heartthrobs, and even my odd obsession with Brendan Fraser. Maybe it was because I thought that was what I was "supposed" to feel. When you are a little girl, you are constantly asked what boy you had a crush on or if you had a boyfriend. It's like society is embedding in you at a young age that you have only one option.

It wasn't until I got to college that I started to question whether boys were my only choice. It started off like most cliche college movies do, with a party. I saw a girl kiss another girl and I was jealous. I wanted that to be me and I didn't know why. I always thought that girls were pretty but I never thought anything more of it. I never tried to think anything more of it, because I didn't think it was a possibility. Not until that night. You see, you never think something is possible for you until you see people like you doing that thing.

I found my eyes lingering on girls a little bit longer than usual and truly admiring them as I did boys before. At parties, I would make out with girls just for "fun," because that's what everyone did. That was until finally, I met a girl that seemed to really like me. I pursued her, thinking that she actually was interested in me. It was exciting and I was feeling a way that I never felt before. Then after a while, she told me she wasn't really gay and I felt heartbroken, betrayed even. I've never felt the sting of unrequited feelings from a girl before. I knew then that I was bi. I knew that what I felt was real and a few days later, I told my friends and then I told my mom. It felt as though I was finally sure of who I was and what was possible for me in life.

I still struggled with figuring out who I was after that and constantly found myself sliding up and down the sexuality spectrum. Though as a grew older, I realized that it's okay to be bi. It's okay to feel whatever I am feeling because that is me and I am just fine the way I am.

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