Demisexuailty: What Is it, And Why I Identify As A Demisexual

When I first came out of the closet, I didn't have any reason to think that I was anything other than gay. I was attracted to guys, not girls. That is just about the only pre-requisite.

I struggled enough with being gay.

However, as I got older I realized I didn't fit into that box anymore. I didn't feel sexually attracted to anyone. The first time I felt sexually attracted to someone, was the guy in my previous article. But those were just "crushes."

After doing some research, I discovered there was a term for this -- what I was feeling and thinking.

According to the Demisexuality Research Center, "Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond." Demisexuality is on the asexual spectrum, meaning we are closely aligned with asexuality, but not quite asexual.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which one feels little to no sexual attraction. What makes us different from asexuals is that we are capable of feeling sexual attraction, it is just that it only happens after we form an emotional bond with someone.

What is the emotional bond we need for sexual attraction?

It varies from person to person. Emotional intimacy is the main component. However, forming an emotional bond doesn't guarantee that sexual attraction will happen. It is just a prerequisite. The length of time that the bond needs to form will also vary from person to person, and with the different people they are attracted to.

In addition, some demisexuals use add on the term that correlates to the gender they are attracted to, such as the term I use, Demi-Homosexual.

"But wait, isn't it normal to only want to move to the bedroom after getting to know someone?"

There is a difference between feeling sexually attracted to someone and wanting to go to the bedroom with them. Sexual attraction is something that you cannot control. You either have sexual feelings for someone or not. Meanwhile, sexual behavior is something you can choose to participate in.

Personally, I choose not to be sexually active until I find Mr. Right. Other demisexuals choose to be sexually active without Mr. or Mrs. Right, it is their choice. Sex drive has nothing to do with your sexual attraction, it exists separately.

I've only been sexually attracted to one guy in my life. I've been physically and mentally attracted to other guys, but they always stay friends, sometimes not even that.

So even after reading this article, you still don't understand what Demisexuality is, I'll leave you with a few links to resources.