Discovering My Demisexuality
Start writing a post

I always knew that I wasn't straight, or at least, not "straight" in the sense that I was 100% only attracted to the opposite sex. As a little girl, I knew that I was "supposed" to like boys, even though for the first thirteen years of my life, I really did not see the appeal. When the ultimate slumber party truth or dare question, "Who do you like?" was asked, I'd come up with the name of a boy that I considered to be my closest friend but looking back, I definitely had crushes on some of my best girlfriends. I just hadn't known they were an option.

Still, as I progressed through high school, I finally began to see the attraction of some of the boys in my grade. I found a very small population of the boys that my high school had to offer physically attractive, (especially the one with blue eyes and dark hair that sat next to me in 10th grade Chemistry class, but more on him later).

I was also a bit late to the party in terms of kissing. The day before I started middle school, I remember talking to two of my friends about the all-important topic of "kissing boys" and found that I really could and did not want to participate in. They were both so eager to start their kissing careers but I just did not feel the same way. I found kissing, or more explicitly, making out, to be disgusting and I really had no interest. When I expressed this to my mom, she reassured me, "You're just young, there's no need to rush into kissing," and I later found that she was right, though not exactly in the way I had expected.

I thought that experiencing sexual attraction was universal. Sure, everyone starts out as thinking, "Ew, sex? Not for me, no thank you, I'll stick to my coloring books," but then somewhere around the end of puberty it hits you out of nowhere like, "What is this 'sex' you speak of and how to I get some?" But even halfway through high school, at 16 years old, I still did not experience this urge that all my health classes had assured me would come.

Even my celebrity crush fantasies didn't go as far as to venture into anything of a sexual nature. They usually stopped at kissing and, I don't know, maybe we'd get breakfast food afterwords if that's what Benedict Cumberbatch wanted to do (this was also the point in my life when I discovered BBC's 'Sherlock'). If I'm being completely honest, the whole idea of sex repulsed me. I did not want to think about it, let alone have conversations about it. The people that I found to be attractive were physically appealing, maybe even kissable, but certainly not for sleeping with.

Here's what I have come to realize about my own sexuality; looking back, all of the crushes I'd developed throughout my life were solely on close friends, people that I had an emotional connection with because we had lengthy conversations about life, love, and (probably) Beatles music. But it wasn't until I was 17 that one of these crushes actually turned out to be mutual and I had my first and current boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years now and if I'm being completely honest, it wasn't until after one year together that I felt comfortable even approaching the starting point of physical intimacy. (Although there was quite a lot of kissing and very good kissing, at that).

It took time for me to feel comfortable enough with my boyfriend, not because I didn't trust him or I intentionally wanted to make him "wait for it," but because that's how my sexuality works. In the past year or so, I've been coming to terms with what exactly my sexual preference is, and I can only say for 100% certain that I'm attracted to my boyfriend; I genuinely am not sexually attracted to anyone else. Other people are definitely still physically attractive, (and yes, I do mean other people, not just men), but while I am in a heterosexual relationship, I consider myself to be demisexual, a sort of halfway point between sexual and asexual.

For me, emotional intimacy before physical intimacy isn't a preference, it's a necessity. Myself and others who identify as demisexual or "gray-sexual" are only experienced with a specific partner or partners. Demisexuality is not a "millennial fad" for "special snowflakes," but a valid sexuality for those who experience sexual attraction through a person by person lens.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.


Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.


As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less

'The Addams Family 2' Film Review

The sequel to the 2019 reboot is an enjoyable, but unremarkable start to the Halloween movie season

Photo Credit: MGM – YouTube

There's a reason why the Addams Family have become icons of the American cartoon pantheon (although having one of the catchiest theme songs in television history doesn't hinder them).

Keep Reading... Show less

The Latest Trends in the Music World

The music world is a fast evolving and ever changing landscape of influence. Over the last 20 years, we've seen the influx of home recording technology paired with the rise of streaming, making way for new independent artists and communities to flourish.


The music world is a fast evolving and ever changing landscape of influence. Over the last 20 years, we've seen the influx of home recording technology paired with the rise of streaming, making way for new independent artists and communities to flourish. This is the positive side of the streaming coin, different kinds of music can exist in the same spaces in much more fluid ways. Aesthetic and musical styles are merging and taking on new life in the 21st century. Trends in the music industry can be most easily followed by exploring instagram, TikTok and other social media platforms to see what people are wearing and listening to. Let's take a look at a few style and artistic trends influencing the world of music.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments