It can be incredibly frustrating recovering from an eating disorder in our society. It wasn’t until after I started the process of restoring weight that my eyes were open to the exercise-crazed, Victoria’s Secret Angels worshiping world that we live in. Going through residential, partial hospitalization, and intensive outpatient levels of eating disorder treatment, I’ve listened to the stories and grievances of people who have to choose to fight against the messages all around us that also happen to align with the eating disorder voice looping in their mind. There’s a dichotomy that exists in mainstream media where self love and body positivity is platformed, but with the flip of a magazine page it’s back to airbrushed and photoshopped models advertising a detox tea or weight loss supplement. One could make the case that you could simply ignore all of the junk out there, but these messages are sneaky and their influence can take shape in the form of the run you go on after eating dessert or the shirt you don’t buy because it “makes you look fat.”

Looking at the big picture can seem daunting, but I firmly believe that with a little education and resolve, anyone can push back on these deeply ingrained messages. After recently spending four months away at treatment on medical leave from the University of Vermont, I decided to put my foot down and my running shoes in the back of my closet and really commit myself to my recovery. This naturally meant weight gain for me and I write this article to you now XX pounds heavier but also healthier and happier than I was a few months back. I am a messy work in progress, but I want to share some ways of how I’ve coped with weight gain for those restoring weight in eating disorder recovery and/or for those who are having a hard time with their body image.

1. Radical Acceptance

Ah, if it were so easy. I like to think of radical acceptance as a practice. I had to first think of things in practical terms- my stomach fat protects my organs and eating more food gives me energy to do the things I love. Slowly, but surely, I've started to not just accept the fact I've gained and am gaining weight, but embrace it. I am not made to be a cookie cutter copy of everyone else and since I've never been in the business of being boring, I will extend compassion towards my body; it is just another unique part of me.

We tend to freak out about eating a lot (take it from someone who has done this to no end). But believe it or not, your body is actually smarter than you are. It knows how to balance out the two bagels you ate in one sitting and that pint of Ben and Jerry's. Your body has a natural weight that it prefers to be at and it regulates that for you. Treat yo'self.

You and I only have one life and one body to live it in. The quicker we can make peace with ourselves, the quicker we can focus on doing more rad things that make us happy to be alive.

2. Using my Wardrobe as a Weapon

One of the first things I did after I got discharged from treatment is go to Disney World. Elated to escape the New England early spring temperatures, I threw all of my shorts into a suitcase and got on a plane. My first day in Florida, I discovered that none of my old shorts fit me anymore. At a time such as this, I could have turned on myself in disgust from clearly growing a few sizes. It could have been the presence of palm trees that put me in a good mood, but I decided to use this as an opportunity to update my wardrobe and redefine my style.

I've come to realize that the art of expression can certainly extend to one's wardrobe. Drawing on some inspirations, I've fully enjoyed thrifting myself a new closet. Previously I would only wear clothes that "made me look thin." I wasted so much time in front of a mirror. But now, on days I feel like wearing a cropped shirt, I wear one. Period. There's something empowering about not caring if your stomach bulges or what people might think.

3. Admitting that I Hate the Gym

I hate the gym. I hate how it always vaguely smells like a sweaty sock. I hate working out on machines. I hate the artificial lighting. I hate touching the same things a bunch of other sweaty people have touched.

Last winter, you would have never guessed my dislike for gyms because I spent every single day in one- sometimes more than once a day. I was miserable. It got to the point where, on days when I ate lunch, I'd have to immediately go work off approximately the same amount of calories that were in my meal. Or more.

After stopping all forms of exercise for a period of time, I've come to realize that exercise is not supposed to be for punishment. If your body is getting nourished properly, exercise can be a great way to stay healthy. I have recently been able to exercise again, and I'm having a fun time learning about what sorts of activities I actually enjoy. Instead of locking myself in a gym, I hike. Instead of running around a track, I do yoga. My advice to anyone is to simply do what you like to do and don't do what you don't like to do.

4. Holistically Caring for Myself

Your body has more than just physical needs. Placing emphasis on self care has made a huge difference in my recovery and through my weight restoration process. Instead of spending time critiquing myself and using unhealthy behaviors that hurt my body, I started to learn how to care for myself. I did yoga, got massages, bought some essential oils, took more naps, did more artwork and continued to turn to my faith in God. These things have helped me in my healing process and have cultivated self compassion that has translated to being more at peace with my body.

Here's to a future of endless body love for all.

*Please note that eating disorder recovery isn’t only about gaining back weight- in fact for some, it doesn’t even involve this piece of the puzzle. I had to gain back about XX pounds this time around, but for some it’s less and for some it’s more- the amount has no indication of the seriousness of the illness. No matter what recovery entails, it in of itself is a very hard thing to have to do. It’s also important to note that each person with an eating disorder has an unique experience and struggle, and having one is no indication of being vain or shallow. All of those struggling with disordered eating deserve help, and I encourage you to reach out if you or someone you know may be struggling with an eating disorder. Below are the links to an online eating disorder screening and an information and referral hotline provided by the National Eating Disorder Association.

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/online-eati...

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information...