Struggling every day with depression and anxiety has always been a problem for me ever since I was in the eighth grade. It feels like every day I am pressured to be happy and make myself feel better, but there was just no motivation to do anything. Although I know that my parents and friends love me, it’s just not the same. Deep down I knew they loved me. But I never felt like I was loved. I didn’t know how to cope with my mental illness. Each day felt like a constant battle to just get through the day without having a breakdown.
Fast forward to junior year and everything changed. I started talking to someone who I only considered an acquaintance, since he was a year older than me and we didn’t really know that much about each other. We would say hi to each other in the hallway and that was the most of our interactions. As many Snapchats and texts were exchanged, I got to know him a lot more as a person and knew he was someone I was able to trust. Even before we started dating, I called him crying on the phone and he would not hang up until he knew I was okay. That’s when I knew he was someone special.
Early in our relationship I would tell him how I was truly feeling -- that I wasn’t fully happy with myself, how I felt alone and worthless, how I didn’t even want to be alive. Even though I wasn’t officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD until junior year, I had a feeling it was a part of who I was, and because of that it gave me the mindset that I would not be able to overcome it.
At first he was unsure of what to say, how to react and how to make me feel better when I was feeling this way. We were both learning how to deal with it. But most importantly, we were learning together. Within our relationship, if I couldn’t find a reason to get up in the morning he was my reason. He was my source of happiness when nothing good was going for me. In the dark and long tunnel I found myself trapped in, he was the light at the end guiding me out of it. He was always there to hold me tightly and tell me everything was going to be okay.
Now here we are, seven months into our relationship. I'm going into my senior year of high school while he will be going off to college, our lives quickly changing right before our eyes. So much is going on around us, yet I am still struggling with my mental illness. But I have seen a difference in myself the past few months. I’m a lot happier with myself and now realize that life is a beautiful thing. I still have bad days here and there, but I know for a fact I can get through it, especially with his help.
Honestly, no words can describe the love I have for him. Not only has he shown me how to love myself, he showed me that so many other people love me too. Even when I felt alone, I knew that he loved me. Life is about spending time with people who will make you happy, and he is definitely one of them. No matter how annoying or clingy I can get, everything he does for me is to make sure I am happy. All I am able to say is thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me in a way I have never felt before.
