Before you even knew I existed, I loved you. You have been there for me since before day one when you ever so graciously carried me while my tiny, fragile, little body was formed inside you for nine months. That is the most selfless act any human being can carry out, and you did that for me when I didn’t even ask. You brought me into this intriguing and confusing world with arms wide open and love pouring out of your heart. There have been many unsettling and perplexing moments in my life. However, one thing I have always known for certain, since before I met you, was that you would love me with every ounce of your being for the rest of eternity, and I could never thank you enough for that.
You were there for me in preschool when I stepped in a fire ant pile and the unbearable pain in my feet made me think I was dying. You picked me up, brushed me off, and made me good as new with just a few band aids, some ice cream and your endless love.
In kindergarten, I cried on my first day of school because I was going to miss you so much for those dreadful eight hours that it actually hurt my heart. The thought of not having you by my side for even a moment made each tear a little heavier. When I got to lunch that day, I opened my hot pink Hello Kitty lunch box, and I found a peanut butter banana sandwich alongside a note that mentioned how much you loved me and that you hoped my day was amazing. I never told you, but those notes always made my day.
In fifth grade when I was sick with that miserable stomach flu, you never once left my side. You made me soup every time I asked, and you played with my hair when I couldn’t fall asleep. Is it weird that I almost enjoyed being sick because of the way you took care of me?
In high school, you came to as many of my softball games as you could. I distinctly remember playing shortstop and looking into the stands to see you and my little brothers cheering me on. Even with four kids you always found a way to support me both financially and emotionally in everything I wanted to do with both sports and school. I might not have seemed especially grateful at the time, but I promise it always meant the world to me.
Half way through my freshman year you told me we were moving across the country. I know now that you did it for a reason. However, my emotional and hormonal teenage self just couldn’t grasp that at the time, and I’m terribly sorry. I was so crushed I think I actually screamed that I hated you. Unfortunately, no words could ever suffice for an apology that would make up for that moment. Being the mom you are, you still bought me Chinese food and wiped my tears away, even though I was not deserving of your selfless and unconditional love.
My senior year of high school you spent hundreds of dollars on homecoming and prom. Obviously, your love is not measured in the amount of money you spend on me. It is measured by all the hours I sat on the kitchen counter after school while I talked your ear off about pointless high school drama. It is measured by the nights you stayed up with me and rubbed my back while I sobbed myself to sleep when that one boy shattered my heart. It is measured by the endless support you have given me in all of my adventures and aspirations. It is measured by countless life lessons you have blessed me with along the way that have built me into the human being I am today. It is measured by a number of times you have forgiven me for not being the daughter a woman like you deserves.
Your infinite and genuine love have carried me so incredibly far in the past twenty years. There are so many times when I am going about my day and I see you in my actions. I see you in my ability to forgive others at the drop of a pin. I see you when I attempt to look at a problem from multiple perspectives. I see you in my dedication to make my life the best it can be. I see you when I care so much for others that sometimes I forget to care about myself.
I hope one day I can be half the mom you are. You took the word mother and gave it a whole new meaning. Your forgiving, nurturing, generous, considerate, selfless love is a once in a lifetime love. You forgave me when it was the last thing I deserved. You nurtured me when you had a million and one other things to worry about. You were beyond generous in the way you work countless hours to ensure that there is food on the table for me and my siblings. You were considerate each and every day when you watched stupid cartoons with me and acted like you enjoyed it as well. You were selfless by the way you sacrificed twenty years of your time to give me a life that is beyond amazing. Your love is indescribable and unattainable by any other relationship.
Just remember, before you even knew I existed, I loved you.
