May 8th, 2016 is not your typical Sunday for America. Millions of people will spend the day admiring and hanging out with their mothers. For others, they will be anxious about logging onto social media reading a whole slew of Mother's Day posts because unfortunately their mother is deceased.
"Overjoyed, over loved, over me"
There is no better feeling of being love. The deepness of my mother's love for me is incomparable to anyone else's. There is just something about the way you would hug me every opportunity you had, your warm kisses on my cheek and forehead, and every chance you had to brag about me and Jahret to virtually anyone you came in contact with. You still love me, and no one can deny that you were not "overjoyed, over loved, over me".
"I wish those days could come back once more. Why did those days ever have to go? 'Cause I love them so."
There is not a day that I don't think about you, mom. From our weekly Dunkin' Donut trips in elementary school, our endless shopping sprees at Target, and to our family vacations in the fall, those days will forever live with me. Rethinking of the years prior to your death bring me so much elation yet disconsolation because of the simple fact that you did not deserve to suffer. I tried replacing these feelings with hanging out with friends and occupying my mind via dedication to my academics. Obviously, that was not an antidote for your death. Thankfully, our valuable memories created between us and as a family will always triumph over the months watching you slowly pass away. I could not have asked for a better person to make lasting memories with, and I cannot wait to tell your grandchildren about how unprecedented and how phenomenal their grandmother was.
"Today's not yesterday, and all things have an ending."
I understand that every day with you was not promised, but losing you so soon still hurts. Since December 6, 2012, my heart and my life just has not felt complete. It is difficult watching all of my friends enjoy milestones in their life, and having the pleasure of sharing it with their mom. The fact that you will not be present for my college graduation, wedding, and the birth of my first child, does not feel right, but it is a harsh realization. I know through this whole process of grieving I will continue you becoming a stronger person, and it brings me joy to continue understanding that your death is not the end between us. It is a comforting thought to know that I will be able to see you again.
"...that God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed."
Indeed, God placed you in my life as my mother for a reason. God knew that only you would have the patience to deal with a stubborn daughter. And God definitely knew that I needed you as a mother to help mold me into a young lady that you and dad desired me to be. I am very cognizant of my actions and decisions in life because I don't want to disappoint you. I hope that you are pleased by Jahret and I's accomplishments. There was no better feeling of looking at the smile on your face after our sports tournaments (especially taekwondo) or our academic achievements. There is absolutely no way we could ever repay you for being our mom.
Yes, it sucks living through Mother's Day. However, the lasting memories created while she was living surpasses my apprehension of surviving Mother's Day.
