I have brown eyes, a round face, light brown hair, and body fat. But I am not fat.

Let me re-emphasize that: I am not fat; I have fat. There’s a difference. Having body fat is a symptom of some larger issue, like hypothyroidism, birth control, binge-eating disorder, or simply over-eating. But it’s no secret that our society has an issue with body fat, especially if you have any. Fat-shaming comes in all varieties, from verbal assaults to physical advances, and can be traumatizing to any age.

The body positivity movement has pushed acceptance in a very specific way and I don’t believe that system fits everyone. Now, if you are someone who proudly looks in the mirror and can say, “I am fat and I love me!” good for you! I mean that! Self-love isn’t easy and that’s why I think this article is so important. If you struggle with your body fat, here’s another way of thinking about your body.

When someone shames you for your body, how does that make you feel? Depressed? What about trapped? What if I told you that you don’t have to accept their label of fat, if you don’t want to? It’s not denying your shape or hating your body; rather it’s accepting your body without acceptance being a limiting or forced identity. Defining your personhood through your body’s condition, however good or bad, is optional and don’t let anyone make you feel like you are what they disapprove of.

Bullying is a problem and I’m not going to pretend that I know the answer to fixing it. There’s only so much one person can do, and it’s our responsibilities as individuals to make sure the bullying doesn’t continue within ourselves. Self-love is hard and self-care is even harder. Disliking what you see in the mirror is common, and it’s nothing to feel like you need to be ashamed of. Loving yourself is a process and you can change what you dislike.

If you want to lose weight, it’s easier to do so when you don’t feel trapped in an identity you need to escape. You have enough of a battle in front of you; losing weight is hard enough without the public opinion piling on pounds of pressure. You can change the shape of your thighs, hips, and stomach, and you can change who you are. But you don’t have to lose part of your identity in order to be happier with the way you look.

And just to stay positive, no matter what anyone says or thinks, you look wonderful just the way you are. You might not like your extra curvy thighs, or your round stomach, or your “cottage cheese” legs, and that’s okay to not like them. They don’t have to define you and can be changed if you want them to be. But that doesn’t change your worth as a human being. Your smile is refreshing sunlight. Your muscles are testimonies to the miles you’ve triumphed beyond. Your eyes shine with more intensity than your mirror can show you. You are a beautiful and wonderful individual, and no one can diminish your sparkle.

So when someone gets you down about your shape or size, please remember:

1. I am not their words.

2. I am not theirs to describe.

3. I am beautiful.

4. I am not limited to their adjectives.