October 7, 2013. A day I will never forget, even though I can’t even remember it. My twin sister says it was the scariest day of her life. It was the day that I got a concussion, was knocked unconscious for three minutes, and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I don’t remember that I got taken out while playing goalie in our tied soccer game against Oakmont, or that the ambulance didn’t get there for 22 minutes. I don’t remember that I asked the same exact questions on a continuous loop for six hours, or that so many of my friends and family came to visit me. And at the time, I couldn’t remember the previous two weeks of my life.

I do remember tying my hair ribbon around my rearview mirror in preparation for that game; in fact, it’s still there to this day. I remember wanting so badly to beat Oakmont on our home field, after they won at theirs. I remember I had a bad punt, a tip save, and a time out. And I remember the journey back to normal. How long it took not only to get back to soccer, the sport that I can’t live without, but back to school, and back to myself. It’s surreal to watch the video that I have of the accident. To watch it, to recognize it and see myself, but to not be able to remember myself doing this makes it feel like a dream. As if it didn’t happen, even though I lived with the outcome.

It was senior year, what is supposed to be one of the best years of a person’s life. Everything changed for me that day. I was done with soccer, and couldn’t finish out the season. I missed three and a half weeks of school, when the ER doctor had only given me a note to miss one day. I went “dark” during that time; I didn’t use my phone, computer, or t.v. All I did was sleep. I had to drop my AP AB Calculus course, and alter my work for every single class. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t drive, I could barely read and write, let alone look at a computer screen. Not only that, but my head pounded, non-stop, every day for over seven months.

Recovering from the concussion was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. I remember one morning waking up and telling my mom I was ready to go back to school. I got ready, got in the car, and went back for my first day. I only made it about five minutes past the first bell, and it was already too much. While I received a warm welcome from all my friends and faculty, I didn’t have the same welcome from the school itself. The fluorescent lighting, loud noises, and everything going on was too much to handle. My head pounded like there was a marching band parading around, and I was dizzy as if I had ridden a roller coaster for hours. I had to call my mom and go home. It wasn’t until several days later that I went back to school, and still, it wasn’t at 100%. I no longer had a third period class, having had to drop math because I was so far behind, and may never have caught up at the rate I was going. I had the period now to catch up on everything that I had missed, and was still missing.

All of my teachers had to be given a list of my restrictions, and every possible one was checked off. No tests, no reading, no gym or physical activity, nothing too complex. Basically, if it made my head hurt more, I couldn’t do it, and had to stop; I just went to school and listened. At first, it was only half days. My head, while it hurt non-stop regardless of what I was doing, hurt even more just being at school. My mom or nana picked me up and brought me home after half days so I could sleep and rest up for the next day.

It was still a few days after that one first attempt until I finally was able to go back to school. It was even more after that until I was back to where I was; months, in fact, until I was back to normal. Now came the hard part: trying to read, or write, or look at a computer screen. Everything I did made my head hurt, or made me dizzy. It was the first time in my life that I had ever struggled with trying to do my work. Not to say that everything came perfectly, but I didn’t have that hard of a time with school and learning new things before and now I was. It was weird to have restrictions on things-I always want to do more than I can, but I wasn’t allowed to by my doctor. I had to be completely honest about what made my head hurt, and while it was incredibly difficult for me to admit defeat, I knew that it would be more beneficial for me to take it slow in the long run. My doctor tried so many different things to get my head to stop hurting. We tried the blackout: no electronics, medicines, physical therapy, and almost acupuncture. At that point, I was ready to try almost anything to get these headaches to go away. I would say that physical therapy helped the most, next to a remedy I couldn’t control: time.

There was a bright light in the midst of all of this darkness. I, out of all the people in my school, was chosen to be one of two people selected to go to the Mid-Wachusett Leadership Conference. It was an incredible honor to be chosen for this position, and to actually be able to attend the conference. I was able to share my experience with athletes from all over Massachusetts, and it felt great. Along with that, I was voted to be a Mid-Wachusett League All-star, and my soccer team voted me as the MVP of the season. I couldn’t of asked for anything more of my teammates, and I was thankful that they still made me feel like a part of the team even though I had missed so much of the season.

It might sound silly to say that I did physical therapy once a week for five months for a head injury. What can cure dizziness and a hurting head? It was all cognitive. I worked to regain my balance, doing what may seem simple to someone at full health, but was incredibly difficult for me. I had to stand on one foot, then the other, follow my therapist Sandra’s finger with my eyes, turning my head side to side. All of these actions seem ridiculous, but they helped. Little by little, all of these drills and more became easier for me. To get back in shape, I rode the stationary bike, the elliptical, and ran on the treadmill. My dizziness and swaying decreased more and more every time. Although my head kept on hurting, this was a start. We did exercises to keep my arms, shoulders, and neck strong; I needed this. I needed to be able to do something with an athletic feel to it in order to make myself happier and it worked. Doing all of these exercises made my spirits higher, and gave me hope that at some point, I may actually be better.

The journey was long. It was hard. It was time-consuming, and it was full of emotion. Gradually, my headaches were lessening, and the dizzying stopped. I wasn’t being affected by bright lights or loud noises as often any more. But my head did still hurt. The amount of times I went to the doctor in the hopes of good news, only to be let down again, were countless. When would this all be over? When would I finally feel like myself again? When would I be able to enjoy myself and do the things I loved again, after what felt like an eternity?

May 20, 2014. I was finally over my concussion. I was finally cleared to play soccer again, and I could finally be at school with no limitations. That was one of the best days of my life. The power that gave me, to know that the hard part is over, and that I could go back to normal made me so happy. I cried when I heard the news, and for the first time at the doctors, these were purely tears of joy. I was free. What’s the point of this? Why does this all matter? It matters because I want people to learn from this. Learn to never give up, to never quit. Keep going, until you have achieved where you need to be.