If the new normal is a president who has bragged about sexual assault, and walking in on naked teenage beauty pageant contestants, and who has spoken lustfully about his own daughter, someone please tell me why Elliot Spitzer is so terrible. Elliot Spitzer, who you may recall had to go away after a hooker scandal because if a hooker blows a politician, it puts a lobbyist out of work.

This double standard has to stop where all the Democrat horn dogs have to go to a farm upstate, but the Republican hound is allowed up on the furniture in the Oval Office. So what if Spitzer's libido got the best of him; he was the one cracking down on bankers and insider traders. If he were a Republican today, what he did could totally be spun. Dating call girls, please, he was providing struggling millennials with a living wage. He wasn't cheating. He was having alternative sex. Republicans are so much more practical about this stuff. They think Trump's flaws come with the territory when you hire an alpha-male. Trump does things that appall people but they also admire the balls of it. Compared to the things Trump did, Spitzer is a choir boy. Rehabilitating Spitzer would send the message that the Democrats are serious about what is important and about winning. In fact, a guy whose big crime was getting a hooker does not even send that message enough. Which is why we need Anthony Weiner.

Yes, another Jew who likes to pork. Balls, I'm telling ya; we need balls. We need our loud mouth, kick ass New Yorker who's up all night on social media. At least when Weiner is up all night playing with his phone he is looking for love, Trump is starting a Twitter war with the Land's End catalog. Let's not forget that Weiner fought like a pitbull for liberal causes and could have been the voice of the party if not for a mistake that he made one time. Okay, two times. Three, what does it matter how many times? Okay, it's all he could from humping the mannequins at Macy's. That same primal force is why he was such a badass Congressman. We do not have the luxury to mess around with milk-toast Democratic politicians who don't move people. Tim Kaine is a nice guy, but he the kind of boring beta-male that has made the Democrats the designated driver party. As ridiculous as Trump is, he does come off as an alpha; that's why he paints his face the color of a baboon's ass. It shows dominance.

So, if Trump is the new normal. If it is now fine for the American president to be Bill Cosby with a Super-PAC. Then, Democrats need to go all out too. That means Spitzer and Weiner. By the way, if Weiner runs again, no more of this Anthony Weiner stuff, he's Carlos Danger. Carlos Danger, a Latino Jew: long, tan and handsome. Restoring Danger, that would send the message.

Although wait a minute; there is still someone even worse and by that, I mean better. John Edwards, yes I know, he's the guy who left his sick wife to have an affair with what I can only assume is Peter Frampton. That was wrong, but Edwards was the one who made health care the issue that it became for the Democrats in 2008. So yes, what he did was horrible but the heart wants what the heart wants and apparently, that heart wanted Peter Frampton. Yes, the whole thing was disgusting but so is openly humiliating your first wife, the mother of your children while you romance your second wife in public like Trump did. But, Trump supporters use a different calculation. This is a battle for the soul of the country and since it is, Democrats should be allowed to put our Alpha pervs back on the board. Especially since the Democratic Party has a proud tradition of excellent horny presidents. FDR, JFK, LBJ and of course, how bout a BJ....Clinton.