Amy: It's so weird, whenever we're with Brad and Nick they completely ignore me. It's like they can't even see me!
Craig: I didn't notice anything. Brad was at the very least fixated on his casserole at dinner, and Nick just started Whole30, so...
Amy: Really? Brad and Nick had a very lively conversation with each other and you, without once acknowledging me. That didn't occur to you?
Craig: Um.
Amy: Your friends don't like me, do they? They hate me!
Craig: They absolutely do not hate you.
Amy: I find it very har–
Craig: You're a living ghost.
Amy: Okay? Is this your way of trying to hurt me? I'm aware that I have a pale complexion.
Craig: Do you think this is easy for me? There are a lot of things that you can't do as a couple when your girlfriend is physically intangible.
Amy: I'm so sorry that we couldn't tour the state park for the third weekend in a row Craig. I get a tiny bit tired of getting blisters on my back so that you can experience real dogwood.
Craig: I'm not going to defend my enthusiasm for agroforestry. I don't want to do that, and I don't need to do that for anyone. This isn't a joke, you are actually a ghost.
Amy: Craig, you are being horrible right now.
Craig: Where did we meet Amy?
Amy: I mean, a graveyard. But–
Craig: And do you remember anything before us meeting?
Amy: No, but you told me that it was because I'm probably blacking out something really traumatic.
Craig: Literally your death.
Amy: Don't say that!
Craig: How do you know you're not a ghost?
Amy: If I'm a ghost then how the hell are we able to touch each other?
Craig: Don't you think I would like to know that? You're probably a physical manifestation of an unclean spirit or something that only I have access to.
Amy: Well...Do Brad and Nick know that you have a ghost girlfriend?
Craig: To be honest it has yet to come up.
Amy: We've been seeing each other for eight months and you haven't brought me up. This is great to hear, Craig.
Craig: What do you want from me? I'm not even sure that I'm entirely sane for being able to see you, you might not even exist! I don't need my friends getting on my back for dating a ghost.
Amy: Hold on, we've been to couples therapy, how could I possibly be a ghost if we were both talking to Dr. Stephens?
Craig: Er… That was a pretty amazing day, I kind of thought that he was just talking to himself the whole time, but then he did answer your question about extended cuddle time.
Amy: Aha!
Craig: Still not fully there yet. I didn't want to bring this up, but you've left those trails of ectoplasm in the office on separate occasions.
Amy: Thank you so much for bringing up my ileostomybag, Craig, I–
Brad: Phew! So glad I caught you guys before you left. Amy is this your earring? I found it on the ground near the table.
Amy: Y-you know who I am?
Craig: Huh.
Amy: Craig!
Craig: I'm sorry about your ileostomy bag, okay?
Amy: Jesus! Brad, has Craig actually never once brought me up?
Brad: No.
Amy: And you can see me?
Brad: I…I'm sorry I'm confused by the question, you're asking me if I can see you?
Amy: Craig has thought throughout the duration of our time dating that I'm a ghost!
Brad: Well, how do you know that you're not a ghost?
Craig: Right?
Amy: It seems a little unfair that the presumption is that I am a ghost.
Craig: Maybe you should think about that next time you data a mortician.
Amy: I think that we're done here.
