I'm sure one of the first things you think of when you first read the title is the most recent Justin Bieber song. "Love Yourself." I promise that this is not what this article will be about. Instead I would like to lay down the basics of the process of learning to love yourself, which, must I say, is no easy task. It takes a lot of trial and error, a lot of learning, and yes, a lot of time. But that's the beauty of the whole journey, because it's not about having a perfect one. It's about discovering who you are, realizing your true potential, and deciding what kind of person you want to be in this world. The end result is the most incredible feelings and will be one of the greatest achievements you will ever experience.

A few years ago, I didn't quite know what "loving yourself" meant. Crap, I already thought I did. I mean sure, I liked myself. I thought I had certain talents, positive characteristics, various aspirations and goals in life that were good and realistic. But I never truly thought about how my little small negative thoughts about my body, personality, and life in general were actually severely detrimental to my self esteem and self love. Then, I got into a serious relationship, and as I became more reliable on the person I was with to provide me with internal happiness, reassurance, and life satisfaction, I quickly began the steep decline to my overall self confidence. I began to lose sight of what was truly important in life. Goals and aspirations of mine that were once all I thought about and focused on became tentative, and I even put some of them on hold to keep my relationship. My daily life completely reversed, and instead of waking up with a positive "what can I get done today" attitude my entire focus became "when is my boyfriend going to text me and when are we hanging out." I dug myself into this depressed hole that I couldn't seem to find my way out of, I no longer wanted to spend time with my friends or do things for myself. Instead, my relationship became my entire life, and for that I suffered.

I'm sure plenty of you have friends like this, or have even experienced it yourself. For those of us who have watched someone lose themselves to a relationship, in the inside we secretly desperately hope that their relationship ends so we can have our friend back. But for those of us who have been through it all before, we know just how difficult it is to get out when our life has been completely surrounded by someone for so long.

So I'm sure it comes at no surprise that when my relationship finally and thankfully ended, I was completely lost and confused. Unfortunately and fortunately, my relationship ended just weeks before I headed off to college. It was unfortunate because starting a new life from scratch, and going through the process of getting over someone all at the same time was no easy task. It was emotional as hell, and it was a constant battle for me to choose putting myself out there to make new friends instead of staying in my room and moping. But I was fortunate because I was able to start my journey to loving myself.

The beginning of my journey was the most difficult, because I had to truly stand back and look at what my life had become. I was forced to look at all the things I had so willingly given up on and missed out on that were once my greatest goals. I lost people that once brought tremendous joy to my life, and some of my other relationships with family members and friends were significantly damaged. But while I took the chance to reflect, I also made a promise to myself that I would never ever let something like this happen to me again. And I kept myself to that promise.

As I began to rebuild myself, I decided to make 5 different and new goals that I could work to achieve. Some were small, and some were very large. Some were easier and some I am still working on, but I decided to tackle them all one at a time. None of them were about "getting over my relationship" or "being happy", they were particular things that I knew if achieved would provide me with great internal happiness. I wrote them in an order that I knew would be manageable:

1. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and learn body positivity

2. Receive good grades and work hard to get them

3. Restore a positive and healthy relationship with all my family members

4. Learn how to budget my money and finances

5. Write everyday for at least 20 minutes about anything I want for a year

I didn't know it at the time, but these five goals would ultimately change my life completely. I started that fall, 2014, with number 5. I began to write every single day, sometimes about some of the most random shit in the entire world, and sometimes about how I was feeling or how difficult college and my emotional state was proving to be. Sometimes I would write until my alarm went off at 20 minutes, and sometimes I would continue to write for up to 2 or 3 hours. But I refused to give up, I refused to turn back, and I refused to give up on my goal. So I wrote, and as my notebook began to fill up with endless stories, jokes, random thoughts and rants, my sadness slowly began to subside and a weight slowly began to slide off my shoulders.

Number four was not necessarily the most difficult for me, simply because I was pretty broke already so I didn't have much money to spend. However, the summer of 2015 I took up two different jobs, and decided to only give myself an allowance of $20 per week, while everything else I earned would go straight into the bank. Let me tell you, that part was extremely difficult. Friends would ask me to go to dinner or the movies or even concerts, and although I had the money to do so right then, that money was also for my living and education. So I would force myself to say no, and every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I would drive to the bank after nannying and deposit all of my earnings that I had in my possession besides the $20 that would remain in the side pocket of my wallet for my weekly splurge. And as the summer progressed, not spending money became easier and easier. In fact, there would be weeks where I wouldn't spend the $20, and I would just let it carry over to the next week. It all paid off as well, because that fall I had enough money to cover all of my rent and sorority dues instead of taking out a loan.

Number three was something that definitely took some time, but being away at college definitely helped. Instead of being around my family 24/7, I was up at school and began to learn a lot more about relying on myself to get things done instead of my parents taunting me to do something. And while we had space from one another, we also had time to begin to miss one another. Conversations no longer occurred because we were in the same room and had to talk with one another. Instead they became something we looked forward to, and something that only occurred when we really wanted to talk and had various stories to tell, advice to ask for, or simply something to say. In college, you truly get to see that your parents are some of your biggest advocates. They had the best intentions for you growing up, even if they seemed like your worst enemy at the time. In college you get to see who your parents are as actual people, and not just as your parents. You get to see more of their personal characteristics, and you develop a relationship with them outside of just "parent to child". You tell them things you never thought you would because they were college students once and I'm sure they know what it's all like. They keep you sane, and they help you to maintain your goals and dreams even from hundreds to thousands of miles away.

Number two and one are both things I still struggle with today. Although I have learned so much through out the course of these past two years, I am still learning how to accomplish good grades and body positivity, as I'm sure many of us do. In high school I was never an outstanding student. Sure, I got good grades, but I often did the least amount of work possible to slide by with B's and occasional A's. I didn't push myself the way I should have to get close to a 4.0, and I definitely did not learn proper study habits. So when I came to college at a massive school where you're often just a seat number to a professor in large lecture halls, I had no idea how to pass. Everything about school became hard, from actually attending class and paying attention, to how to study for huge exams or midterms, I was completely lost and confused. And what's worse, most of the time in college there is no such thing as a study guide, and if there is it's on the entire damn curriculum and not on specific things needed to know for the exam.

My first semester was fucking rough. I thought skipping class would be okay as long as I went the next time, I would stay out late partying on Wednesdays and Thursdays with 8AMs the following morning, and I barely even made time to finish homework or even attempt to study. But my first semester was a great wake-up-call, because after barely scraping by the line of academic suspension, I decided to get my act together. I'm not saying I never went out, or never skipped class. But I made sure when I did that I read the syllabus and knew how many absences I could have, and when homework was due or when exams were scheduled. My second semester I only scheduled myself to have one 8AM, and every went to bed by 10PM unless I was going out. Instead of partying Wednesday through Saturday night, I would limit myself to only going out as long as I didn't have an exam the next day, and if all of my homework and studying was complete. I also learned how to become more organized. I wrote all assignments and exams in my planner, as well as other chores I wanted to get done through out the day. My day became scheduled down to the hour. I found that I was getting more things done, and I no longer felt rushed or in a frazzled to finish everything in a short period of time.

I also learned proper study habits. I made sure to pay attention everyday in class. Since I was no longer sleep deprived that became much easier. I took detailed notes and would go back and highlight important ones at the end of class. Every night before bed I would review my notes from my classes that day, and would memorize the highlighted sections so I wouldn't have to cram when it came time for the exam. I also started to prepare for exams at least four days in advance, but would only study for an hour at a time before stopping or at least allowing myself a break. I would separate the topics that would be on the exam into four different sections, and would look at a different section everyday. For vocabulary and various formulas, I would make notecards and have my friends quiz me on them. I'd also get a group together to go to the library or study in a common area so that I would be encouraged to actually study and not procrastinate by watching Netflix in my room. And my hard work and organization paid off there as well, because my second semester I received at 3.2 GPA, which was a substantial amount higher than my previous semester.

Finally, number five comes into play. And it has by far been the most difficult goal I have struggled to achieve. Body positivity as well as eating healthy and exercising regularly is effing hard. Really effing hard. Especially in college when there's cookies and decedant desserts in the dining hall, as well as pizza, french fries, burritos, buffalo wings, nachos, and plenty more. Saying no and loading your plate up with salad, fruits and vegetables instead is extremely difficult. There are temptation everywhere, and the entire stigma around drinking and consuming large quantities of alcohol doesn't help either. Plus, it's hard to make yourself put on a t-shirt and running shoes, and walk all the way over to the gym between classes or at night. And it's even more difficult when it's cold outside or even snowing or raining and the last thing you want to do is work out. But, no matter how much my mind tempted me when I was standing in front of that dessert tray or sitting in my comfy room watching Netflix, I knew it was my goal to eat healthy and exercise regularly. So I forced myself to walk away from the delicious desserts, lace up my tennis shoes and throw on workout clothes because deep down I knew no amount of cookies or Netflix would get me any closer to my end goals.

I also started a new thing where I would wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and focus on something I love about myself. It could be a physical feature like my eyes or toned legs, or it could be something internal like my bubbly personality or desire to help others. Every single morning I would tell myself "I love..." or "I am so lucky to be..." so that every single morning I would start the day happy with myself and happy with various features I possess. That was hard because when staring in the mirror it's so easy for us as human beings to focus on everything we hate about ourselves. We so often are so focused and obsessed with what we want to change about ourselves that we completely forget how truly beautiful we are on the inside and outside. And I know that sounds so cliche, but it's 100% true. Think about it, when was the last time you looked in the mirror and said something you love about yourself?

So here I am, two years later, well along the way to loving myself. I am not completely there yet by any means, and I know I still have a ways to go. Loving yourself is not about getting over someone, its about valuing who you are as an individual, and recognizing everything you are capable of.

One of the biggest things I've learned through out the course of my journey is that I matter. I am important, and anything that is important to me is not stupid or weird, it is something that makes me unique. I have learned that becoming enough for yourself is more valuable than any relationship you will ever have. I have learned that goals are set to be achieved, that no amount of money or physical items will truly ensure deep emotional happiness. I have learned that your parents are some of the greatest blessings you can have and are always there to lend a helping hand when you need one. I have learned that good grades are something that you can be proud of and teach you how to work hard for the things you want, as well as provide you with a new vast amount of knowledge on topics you didn't know that much about previously.

Most importantly, I've learned that if you truly love yourself, everything will fall into place with it. You'll make better and more reliable friends who help build you up instead of break you down, and you'll even find that some of the greatest relationships come along when you least expect them to. And when you meet that person who you truly enjoy being with, you'll be able to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with them because you learned proper boundaries. And finally, you will be able to love them completely, because you learned how to love and value yourself.