Sometimes I wonder if you even remember I exist. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because memories flood my brain, thinking about how great of a friend you were to me. You were there for me when everybody else left me, and I realize now that I never treated you the way you deserved to be treated. You deserved to be treated like a prince or a king, and I treated you like you were just everybody else. I didn't treat you as nicely as I should have, and maybe that's why you haven't tried to get in touch with me since you moved.
Or maybe we just weren't as close as I thought we really were.
I can remember how I started getting really antsy and upset easily, how I never noticed those were the signs that I was going to have the mental illnesses I have now.. You were there for me. You stood up for me when everybody else turned their backs against me. You were there when I would fall down (literally..) and you were there for me when I just didn't feel anything. In our fourth grade year, you had a really bad asthma attack. You had hives covering your body and your doctor told you not to go to school that day, yet you did. I made sure that you were okay once you were in the classroom, walking with you to go where you needed to go and making sure that your water bottle was filled if you drank too much of it.
I can remember that year vividly because that was the year that I formed what I thought was the biggest crush to ever exist. I didn't realize that it was merely platonic love, I was just blinded by the fact that I knew I wanted to have you in my life forever. I thought that was what true love was, but I know better now. We were always picked to be in the same groups, and when we weren't picked to we still chose to. We did everything together in fourth grade.
When fifth grade came around, we grew even closer. Everybody knew I had a "crush" on you by then, so they would always tease me about it. You never did, though. You never tried to hurt me in any way, shape, or form. You stood by me when they would pick at me, and you would stand up for me when you thought that I needed a shoulder to cry on. We were in a play that year, and my character was flirting with yours. Everybody in our grade thought it was hilarious because not only did I have the biggest case of stage fright (which I still do, to be completely honest with you..), but I had to stand up in front of everybody and flirt with you. I thought I was going to die, but you still smiled at me and told me that I was doing great even when I screwed everything up on my end.
You moved away in sixth grade. I can still remember that one of our last conversations was in our health class. You looked at me and asked me, innocently, if I was going to miss you when you moved. My heart shattered so much that I felt shards of it piercing my lungs. I couldn't breathe, so I just muttered out a simple "no" as a response. I went home and cried that day, the thought of losing one of my closest friends so unbearable that I just couldn't keep it in anymore.
There's so much I want to tell you now.. Like how I had my first kiss in 8th grade, how I held a long-term relationship for the first time in 7th grade, how I chopped all of my hair off once 7th grade started, and how things didn't get better for me like I made it seem. Things were dark, and I wish that I had you around so that I could have somebody there for me when I needed them. Someone I loved hurt me really badly, and I'm still trying to recover from it even though it was years ago. I'm studying at that college I never shut up about, the one that I wanted to get into so badly.. I'm getting better, I'm growing stronger, and I still think about you from time to time. I think about all the good memories that we had together, all the fun times that we would play on the playgrounds and laugh about stupid things that were going on in our lives.
If you're reading this, which I doubt you are, I want you to know that you'll always be one of my closest friends. You'll always be somebody that I think about when times are getting dark, and if I get an opportunity to connect with you again.. That would be the best present a girl could ever wish for.
Oh, and I broke that hair clip you loved so much. The gold one with the gems on it in floral patterns. More of the gems fell out. It was just as important to me as you were because of the memories it held within it's gems.
You will forever be my best friend.