Everyone gets physically sick at some point in their life. Whether it's strep throat, bronchitis or a broken bone the same course of action is followed: you go to the doctor and get treatment. Even with allergies, people don't have a problem reaching out to get Allegra or a prescription for some sort of nasal spray. They aren't told that it's all fake, in their heads or that they are just seeking attention. If we wouldn't tell people seeking help for a physical illness that, why do we do so for people seeking medical assistance for their mental and emotional health?
With the diagnoses of depression and generalized and panic anxiety disorders, I am a member of the growing population of people with some form of mental illness or another. I often joke around with my friends and family saying it takes 150 milligrams of Zoloft to keep me sane, while in actuality it takes that dose just to keep me functioning.
On the wide spectrum of mental health conditions out there, anxiety disorders and depression are two of the most commonly seen conditions. However, these are two conditions that the most common reactions to are "Stop, you're just overreacting!" or "Just stop thinking about it." What these people don't realize is they are invalidating our thoughts and feelings, and even though you might be able to just stop thinking about whatever's bothering you, when we do it just comes bubbling right back up.
Even when you know you need help, people often put it off since there is nothing physically wrong with them and because of the stigma of being "crazy" attached to mental health. When I started to have panic attacks again, after six years without them, it took me getting to the point that I couldn't function with the frequency of the panic attacks to finally reach out for help. (On the worst day, I ended up having about two panic attacks an hour on a day I was at school for four hours). For anxiety and depression to be "just in my head," I know I've had more physical reactions than I ever expected.
On the really bad depression days, I can't even find the motivation to physically get myself out of bed. A drowsy, non-sleep state is my way of existence those days. On regular bad days, I can quickly go from being happy and then see something that starts a downward spiral, becoming like Kate from "Taming of the Shrew."
The negative thoughts swirls, "You're lazy. You're worthless. Here you are, another day gone." If it's an especially bad day, these dark cloud thoughts (as I like to call them) trigger a panic attack.
Having both general anxiety disorder and panic anxiety disorder, worry is an almost constant state.
Am I doing enough? Did I lock the door? Did I turn the stove off? What is it going to be like living in a dorm? How is life going to be away from home for the first time? Did I look professional enough? Was I organized enough? I should've organized my portfolio/folder more. Did I ramble?
All of this just starts to snowball together, giving the voices of depression more things to criticize. You get jittery and try to relieve the tension that is wound up inside of your body. Everything keeps snowballing. All of a sudden, something changes.
You feel like someone is watching you. The hair on the back of your neck stands on end. You're sweating, yet freezing. You feel sick to your stomach. Your eyes quickly dart around the room, pulse racing, gasping for air. Air, keep breathing. Deep breaths, deep breaths. You want nothing more than to curl up into a ball, yet run, your basic fight or flight instinct kicking in. Keep breathing, take a breath. No one is trying to smother you. You want to scream, cry, something, anything, to get away from this invisible assailant attacking you, but you have no voice. Then the attacks start. A cruel, blizzard combination of the depression and anxiety, and all you have to weather the storm in shorts and a shirt. You walk, the best you can on your unstable legs during the panic attack, trying to get some of the energy out, trying to find a way to continue with your day like this attack didn't happen. But mark your clock, another one will be coming soon -- probably sooner than you think.
Living with untreated anxiety and depression is like asking someone if they would like to be Katniss in "Catching Fire" when she was "attacked" by the jabberjays, but, in this case, there is something you can do to stop them. You can speak up and get help when you know you are in need of it. By reaching out to a therapist or to a doctor, you can find the right tools to help you find the right tools and mechanisms for you to cope. Have the courage to take the first step. Reach out for help. Your mental and emotional health is every bit as important as your physical health, no matter what anyone thinks.
