Yes, we live in 2016. A time where it's OK, even encouraged, for "her" to chase after "him." Or where "let's chill" is an acceptable first date. But I often wonder what happened to chivalry.
What happened to "Can I take you to dinner?" What happened to him opening the door for you? What happened to mutual respect and communication in blossoming relationships? What happened to compliments like "beautiful" or "intelligent" instead of "sexy" or "I'd tap that."
Well, news flash: chivalry is not dead!
Ladies, believe it or not, there are good guys out there. You just have to respect yourself enough to wait for them. I recently read an article about learning what it looks like to carry yourself in a way that illustrates self-confidence. One of my favorite things the article said was this: "Allow no one to have your heart, mind, or body until they match the respect you have for yourself."
Sometimes we, as girls, let ourselves believe that we aren't good enough. We aren't pretty enough or popular enough for someone to notice us. But that's a lie that we need to get out of our heads. There is a quote that has always been a good reminder to me:
"Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.” -Pete Wentz
You are at the top of the tree. Don't let yourself fall to the bottom to attract the attention of boys who are afraid to climb to the top. Find in yourself the respect to stay at the top of the tree and wait for the man who is willing to climb to the top to have you.
Don't settle for guys that are not going to put time and effort into getting to know you on a deeper level than the surface of who you are. Guys who want you around until it gets old or repetitive and they can move on to someone new. Guys who only want to spend time with you at night or when no one else is around. These are the guys who are afraid to climb the tree. These guys are not men, but boys.
It may feel like ten forevers until that one guy who is willing to climb to the top comes along, but know that those guys are out there. The men will separate themselves from the boys, and the men are brave enough to climb. Wait for the man who will take you out instead of texting you at midnight because he wants to "chill." The man who will open your door for you and hold your hand in public because he is proud to show you off. The man who will walk you to your front door to kiss you goodnight or wait by his phone until you get home to make sure you're safe. The man who will support you in everything you do and never leave you hanging. These men are real. These men are willing to climb.
How do I know? Because I've experienced it. Time to be vulnerable: I, like many girls, have spent my fair share of time at the bottom of the tree. Hungry for the attention of boys who were not willing to give me the respect I didn't know I deserved. But I have also seen the top of the tree, and I have seen the select few men who were willing to climb to the top for me. The men who respected me more than I knew someone was capable of. The men who treated me better than I knew I could be treated. And whether they know it or not, they are the reason I continue to hold my standards high.
Every experience, both good and not-so-good, in hindsight, has taught me a lot about myself. I have learned how I, as a woman, deserve to be treated. I have learned to love and respect myself for who I am and never settle for guys who can't do the same. I have learned to adventure and fully experience where I am in life day by day.
So find your self-confidence. Find your self-respect. Find the reasons why you're at the top of the tree and hold onto them. Don't let yourself fall for false attention. Learn to love life where you are, whether that man has entered your life yet or not. Don't sit helplessly at the top of the tree doing nothing but waiting. Enjoy the view! And one day, someone will climb up to join you.
