Many of you are thinking this title is an obvious statement, but I, too, have fallen victim to doing many of the things below. Most of us have been there, in a relationship that just doesn't seem to work. Perhaps you've sat there and listened to all the problems in your friends' relationships. We've heard and probably even said "it's not you, its me," but how many of you have ever really taken accountability for it?
We have been taught and shown fairytales that all seem to revolve around a girl falling happily in love with a man. Well, sorry to break it to you, but fairytales don't happen that easily. Relationships take two sides being actively involved. And it all begins from the very beginning. Now I'm not an expert, but here are some tips if you want a relationship to actually go somewhere:
1. Actually want to be in a relationship.
People in this day and age are so used to the hookup culture. We go out, get drunk, wake up in someone's bed, repeat. People get so comfortable in this stage that many of us don't want to stop. Hey, you just get hurt in relationships anyway, right? If this is you, don't waste your time or someone else's leading them on if you don't even want a relationship. Similarly, if there's someone you're still hung up on, find a rebound, not someone who actually wants a relationship that's going somewhere. The same goes for those of you who just like being single: Don't waste your time or someone else's time and money going on dates that you want nothing out of. It's unfair to yourself and them. If you don't want a relationship, don't bother trying to be in one. This includes those of you who are letting a relationship that was over months ago linger on. It's not helping anyone to be in a relationship you don't want to be in. Commit to it or get out, end of story.
2. Chivalry isn't all on the guys.
Ever hear of the saying it's a two-way street? I know we've been taught that guys should treat us like a lady. Heck, Meghan Trainor even demands it. Actually, she demands a lot of things by saying the statement "treat me like a lady" that many of us believe to be true. Guys are supposed to take a girl on a date, buy her flowers, open doors for her, let her get her way, be the first to apologize, and buy her a ring. Sounds like a lot of responsibility to me. And what do you do back for them? I know it may be a preposterous idea, but why can't you pay for a date? Or surprise him with something as little as candy? Or admit that your wrong, for once? Ladies place a lot of expectations on a guy and often don't return the favor as much as they should. So next time you're demanding something, think about what they'd like and try doing it.
3. Remind yourself you're not the ex.
Unless you're in elementary school, you're not going to find someone who doesn't have a past. Scrolling through their ex's social media isn't going to help you with anything, but, instead, increase your insecurities. They're exes for a reason. Something must've happened. I'm sure if you're comparing yourself to them you've probably inquired about the break up and gained little from this knowledge. It's something that's easier said than done, but if you don't know their ex or anything about the relationship, leave it that way. You don't want the added pressure of being better than her or not like her. Just be yourself. If you aren't good enough, than you're in the wrong relationship.
4. Your relationship is yours, not anyone else's.
We all enlist in our friends help through good times and bad times, but at the end of the day, it's really about you and your partner. Countless relationships fall apart because of nosey friends. Every argument doesn't have to leave your relationship. Sometimes you can just talk out your problems with your partner. The solution will at least be mutual and not influenced by an outsider. Again, easier said than done, but not all friends are looking out for what's best for you. Additionally, what makes you happy may differ from what makes other people happy. If you're not happy, talk to your partner and see if it's something that can be fixed.
5. Stop comparing your relationship.
First off, this is real life and not a movie. Life is not a fairytale. You can believe in love at first sight, and happily ever after. But it's not going to always be pure bliss. Relationships, marriages, and just about everything in life can cause you to face challenges. Stop expecting perfection and you'll get further already. Next, stop looking at what's going on around you. Just because your friend just got a present doesn't mean your partner is going to give you one. Same goes for rings, ladies it's not a race or a challenge, let things happen in your relationship as they're going to happen. You'll save yourself a lot less agony being jealous over someone else's relationship and yours' may actually last longer.
6. Learn you're not an investigator.
Stop spending hours scrolling through their social media. You're wasting your own time. If you can't trust them to behave on a place where you can see it, then you actually don't trust them at all. Your relationship isn't going to get very far if you're questioning them on every action they do. Don't you have something else better to do? Same goes for when they don't respond to a text or snap, is it the end of the world? Don't send out the search and rescue team. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating but relationships did just find before cell phones. Actually, it seems like they were better off when you could only call and leave voice messages instead of decrypting texts and finding some secret hidden message in another language.
