As of right now, I'm 19 years old, so apparently in dog years I’m practically dead. My worst fear besides failing at life is being a successful 40-year-old attorney that goes home to her fabulous home, turns on the lights and looks around at her art-filled walls realizing that somewhere along the way, she forgot that she needed to be loved.
I cannot end my senior year of college, 22 years old, basically established, and not have a ring on my finger. Believe me, I do everything possible to be appealing to the opposite sex, but for some odd reason it’s just not working. I’ve dyed my hair, bought a Fitbit, stopped talking about inappropriate topics that boys don’t enjoy knowing about girls, and I even tried to tone down my very opinionated mindset. What the crap do boys want from me. Can someone please tell me! For right now, I’ll give you all an insight on what not to do if you want to be married anytime soon.
1. Don’t go to the gym…EVER! Boys hate girls who work to try to boost their confidence and look remotely decent.
2. Never dress up not even if it’s your own wedding
3. Never have an opinion. Boys hate girls who can think for themselves
4. If your nose is stuffy don’t worry about cleaning it…boys hate when girls blow their noses in hopes to breath normally again some day
5. Don’t you ever hint at liking them or even admit it…boys hate knowing that girls actually like them
6. Never contact him more than one day in a row like I’m serious boys think girls who actually want to further the conversation level are so annoying
7. Boys hate girls who are easy to get because they really like them…boys love girls who play hard too get because they actually aren’t that interested in them
8. If you’re exploring your options and talking to more than one boy; continue to do that because boys obviously don’t enjoy being the only male putting on smile on your face
9. If you haven’t already noticed by now boys absolutely love girls who let them talk to every girl in the room and flirt, so don’t make that mistake and admit you’re jealous because they hate having to settle for just one…it’s totes okay with being girl number two or five.
Hopefully, you all are following these simple DON’Ts because if you aren’t and you’re tall you will probably be “#foreveralone”. Sending my best of luck to you all as we go along this rollercoaster of emotional adventure.
Just a heads up don’t watch any movies or TV shows about love because your expectations will be as high as a hot air balloon, and then you’ll hate yourself when that guy you thought were special comes along and pops your balloon with the expectations he never had because boys just hate girls. If any of you get a ring before me because of this article I would like to be an honorary bridesmaid. “May the odds be ever in your favor”.
